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to call or not to call?
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<blockquote data-quote="WhymeMom?" data-source="post: 43589" data-attributes="member: 53"><p><span style='font-family: Comic Sans MS'>Kjs,</p><p></p><p>Can you just send him an email? That way you don't have to hear any back talk and you can just express your concern. Don't make it a long message, just say you are thinking of him, love him, but you are not happy with last nights events....</p><p></p><p>I have read your other post and it seems to me you have two choices: Learn to detach or jump in and take over difficult child's school interaction. Neither road is easy, but here are a few pros/cons...</p><p></p><p>Detach....easier said than done. You may have already started the ball rolling by telling husband to handle school. You need to remove yourself from this completely. If you don't want to deal with school concerns, you don't get input. Before you take this step you need to be on the same page as husband. So unless you can get him over to your thinking you need to be content with his way of handling the situation. If you can't do that you will never be able to detach from the school situation.</p><p></p><p>Jump in, take over....again, easier said than done. If you want to have it done "your way" this is your choice. Sounds as if you want to have control, but just not prepared for meeting the brick wall that difficult child represents. difficult child will not do what you want, he's had it too easy for too long in pitting you and husband against each other. Sounds like your husband is trying to go the "friend" route instead of "parent". He just wants everybody to get along. This choice will take a great commitment on your part and things will not change immediately. Put yourself in difficult child's mindset: Its all about him. He doesn't think about you or husband when he does things....it's about "I don't feel like taking a test, I might fail, give a wrong answer, it's boring to do this, I'd rather go home, go outside...etc. I'm not going to do anything....so I will just say no...what are they gonna do?....call my dad and he will come get me (save me from the boredom)." </p><p></p><p>The frustration in this choice is you can't "make" your difficult child do anything. The only person you can control is YOU so your task here is to make difficult child try to "want" to do the assigned task. Rewards usually work better than punishments so you will have to change your whole system. Work on small rewards for small accomplishments...don't think big! Figure out what he likes and reward him for bringing home his folder. Try to get teachers to email you with assignments or short reports on his day. </p><p></p><p>I tried to break this down into choice 1 or choice 2...this is pretty much the whole thinking on dealing with difficult child...only give two choices, because more than that confuses the issue. Marg had some wise words on your other post. Until you and husband are working together your household will be chaos. I learned this the hard way and until I leveled with my husband, I was driving wedges in our relationship. It really does sound like you need some away time to regroup...and regain your sanity!</p><p></p><p>Good luck with whatever you choose to do.... </span></p><p></p><p> :flower:</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="WhymeMom?, post: 43589, member: 53"] <span style='font-family: Comic Sans MS'>Kjs, Can you just send him an email? That way you don't have to hear any back talk and you can just express your concern. Don't make it a long message, just say you are thinking of him, love him, but you are not happy with last nights events.... I have read your other post and it seems to me you have two choices: Learn to detach or jump in and take over difficult child's school interaction. Neither road is easy, but here are a few pros/cons... Detach....easier said than done. You may have already started the ball rolling by telling husband to handle school. You need to remove yourself from this completely. If you don't want to deal with school concerns, you don't get input. Before you take this step you need to be on the same page as husband. So unless you can get him over to your thinking you need to be content with his way of handling the situation. If you can't do that you will never be able to detach from the school situation. Jump in, take over....again, easier said than done. If you want to have it done "your way" this is your choice. Sounds as if you want to have control, but just not prepared for meeting the brick wall that difficult child represents. difficult child will not do what you want, he's had it too easy for too long in pitting you and husband against each other. Sounds like your husband is trying to go the "friend" route instead of "parent". He just wants everybody to get along. This choice will take a great commitment on your part and things will not change immediately. Put yourself in difficult child's mindset: Its all about him. He doesn't think about you or husband when he does things....it's about "I don't feel like taking a test, I might fail, give a wrong answer, it's boring to do this, I'd rather go home, go outside...etc. I'm not going to do anything....so I will just say no...what are they gonna do?....call my dad and he will come get me (save me from the boredom)." The frustration in this choice is you can't "make" your difficult child do anything. The only person you can control is YOU so your task here is to make difficult child try to "want" to do the assigned task. Rewards usually work better than punishments so you will have to change your whole system. Work on small rewards for small accomplishments...don't think big! Figure out what he likes and reward him for bringing home his folder. Try to get teachers to email you with assignments or short reports on his day. I tried to break this down into choice 1 or choice 2...this is pretty much the whole thinking on dealing with difficult child...only give two choices, because more than that confuses the issue. Marg had some wise words on your other post. Until you and husband are working together your household will be chaos. I learned this the hard way and until I leveled with my husband, I was driving wedges in our relationship. It really does sound like you need some away time to regroup...and regain your sanity! Good luck with whatever you choose to do.... </span> [img]:flower:[/img] [/QUOTE]
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