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The Watercooler
to confront or not to confront
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<blockquote data-quote="klmno" data-source="post: 305011" data-attributes="member: 3699"><p>Have you noticed that many of us here come from very dysfunctional families with mothers who just don't "get it"? LOL! I don't know what is comfortable for you but my mother can go thru that whole cycle you described in less than one week at times- and repetitively does. Oddly enough, I NEVER blamed my mmother when I was in therapy but my therapist made a point to tell me that my mother is toxic to me, as are other family members and she made some strong suggestions that I follow. First, I don't live near her- you already have this covered. Second, I had to decide how close, if at all, I wanted to be and could be without getting back into patterns that were not healthy for me. I keep my mother at an emotional distance, I have to. But I don't ignore her efforts to communicate because I guess I figure someday she'll be dead and it will be too late to be congenial. Basicly, I communicate with her like I would an acquaintance or someone I work with but not a family member or close friend. I probably would cut her out of my life completely but I remember that she diapered my butt and put food on the table and no matter how difficult child ends up feeling about me, I hope he can always acknowledge me and at least appreciate the fact that I did those things for him. Still, my mother has hurt my feelings so much and so many times that if she cut me out of her life, I doubt I'd shed too many tears, if any.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="klmno, post: 305011, member: 3699"] Have you noticed that many of us here come from very dysfunctional families with mothers who just don't "get it"? LOL! I don't know what is comfortable for you but my mother can go thru that whole cycle you described in less than one week at times- and repetitively does. Oddly enough, I NEVER blamed my mmother when I was in therapy but my therapist made a point to tell me that my mother is toxic to me, as are other family members and she made some strong suggestions that I follow. First, I don't live near her- you already have this covered. Second, I had to decide how close, if at all, I wanted to be and could be without getting back into patterns that were not healthy for me. I keep my mother at an emotional distance, I have to. But I don't ignore her efforts to communicate because I guess I figure someday she'll be dead and it will be too late to be congenial. Basicly, I communicate with her like I would an acquaintance or someone I work with but not a family member or close friend. I probably would cut her out of my life completely but I remember that she diapered my butt and put food on the table and no matter how difficult child ends up feeling about me, I hope he can always acknowledge me and at least appreciate the fact that I did those things for him. Still, my mother has hurt my feelings so much and so many times that if she cut me out of her life, I doubt I'd shed too many tears, if any. [/QUOTE]
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to confront or not to confront
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