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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 690468" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I would be careful about making excuses for him, Nomad. It could be he "gets" it all too well, and that is the point, he actually and intentionally wanted to make.</p><p></p><p>Something a cigar is just a cigar. He may well have wanted to compromise you--intentionally. And because you are both strong, and astute, in your mind's eye you called him on it. </p><p></p><p>I will stop this, now, exaggerating for my own purposes <em>what could have been harmless</em> (but I think not.) What I write below does not pertain to this man or to this episode.</p><p></p><p>But. This is exactly how predators operate. They lurk in the margins, in what is at once acceptable and not. They attempt to confuse, and within that confusion, secure consent. And that is how we become compromised. </p><p></p><p>You, were not. Because you called it. I would bet that he saw it in your eyes, Nomad. That you saw it.</p><p></p><p>And then, you went farther, you confirmed it. Not because of him, but for yourself.</p><p></p><p>You know where I work. Prison. Uh oh. I have to go back on Tuesday. </p><p></p><p>Now, typically I have a good relationship with prisoners...within the role that is mine to play. And one reason I do is because I am clear. Within myself and with them. At least as clear as I know to be, because I always believe I can learn more, and be clearer. </p><p></p><p>Prisoners operate with staff in that same nether world. Between acceptable and not. That is the way they play. Not everybody, mind you, but many.</p><p></p><p>That is how they compromise staff into doing favors, small and large, into sexual relationships, etc. Into illegality. Because any relationship except that which is necessary in your job is forbidden. But even little stuff--that other staff may do--I refuse. Paper clips. Paper. Envelopes. All of it, I refuse. Because I want clarity.</p><p></p><p>I learned early on to say "no" to everything. <em>I can't. I won't. I will not. </em>No, with a smile is still a no.</p><p></p><p>I respect you Nomad, for taking the time to get clarity within yourself about what you saw. There was a time I did not have the courage to do this. I do now.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 690468, member: 18958"] I would be careful about making excuses for him, Nomad. It could be he "gets" it all too well, and that is the point, he actually and intentionally wanted to make. Something a cigar is just a cigar. He may well have wanted to compromise you--intentionally. And because you are both strong, and astute, in your mind's eye you called him on it. I will stop this, now, exaggerating for my own purposes [I]what could have been harmless[/I] (but I think not.) What I write below does not pertain to this man or to this episode. But. This is exactly how predators operate. They lurk in the margins, in what is at once acceptable and not. They attempt to confuse, and within that confusion, secure consent. And that is how we become compromised. You, were not. Because you called it. I would bet that he saw it in your eyes, Nomad. That you saw it. And then, you went farther, you confirmed it. Not because of him, but for yourself. You know where I work. Prison. Uh oh. I have to go back on Tuesday. Now, typically I have a good relationship with prisoners...within the role that is mine to play. And one reason I do is because I am clear. Within myself and with them. At least as clear as I know to be, because I always believe I can learn more, and be clearer. Prisoners operate with staff in that same nether world. Between acceptable and not. That is the way they play. Not everybody, mind you, but many. That is how they compromise staff into doing favors, small and large, into sexual relationships, etc. Into illegality. Because any relationship except that which is necessary in your job is forbidden. But even little stuff--that other staff may do--I refuse. Paper clips. Paper. Envelopes. All of it, I refuse. Because I want clarity. I learned early on to say "no" to everything. [I]I can't. I won't. I will not. [/I]No, with a smile is still a no. I respect you Nomad, for taking the time to get clarity within yourself about what you saw. There was a time I did not have the courage to do this. I do now. [/QUOTE]
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