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to trust or not to trust
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 118204" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Joana, </p><p></p><p>I never needed permission in my OWN house to check something out or get a visual answer to my questions. </p><p></p><p>However - I did find out that if I was Stealth Mom - I found out a LOT more than I did if I just came out and went through his stuff. Including book bag, computer, room - etc. </p><p></p><p>My Mom used to tell us if we weren't doing anything that she didn't need to know about - we didn't need privacy. </p><p></p><p>I think if you go to her right now without proof of what she's doing - you're going to drive her to being more sneaky about what she's doing. OR if you say I think you are sharing on line pictures of yourself NUDE with boys it may make her feel like "Well she already thinks I do it - I may as well do it. It's largely difficult child in thinking, but also that of a teenager. If you feel you can't trust here - you can't, but once you blow your cover on your suspicions without some pretty hard evidence - I think it does more damage than good. </p><p></p><p>You're the Mom, you don't need permission to go through her stuff- but a few "trying to sound grown up" text messages and a spyware pop up, to me don't sound like grounds for invasion. It sounds like you have a pretty good relationship with her - so why not just monitor the situation? As far as her computer - you can install something called Net nanny. And you should ALWAYS have access to her administration passwords as well as her user password. Not that you'll ever look at her computer - but the trust from HER needs to be there too. </p><p></p><p>Maybe it's time for a refresher chat on what's acceptable behavior and what isn't? </p><p></p><p>I have possibly the worlds sneakiest child - and I was never "stealth-Mom" until I was pushed into finding new a ingenious ways of getting the information I needed to determine if a suspicion was "family meeting" worthy. Never hurts to remind them what is expected of their behaviors and then hold your breath and hope for the best. </p><p></p><p>Hugs</p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 118204, member: 4964"] Joana, I never needed permission in my OWN house to check something out or get a visual answer to my questions. However - I did find out that if I was Stealth Mom - I found out a LOT more than I did if I just came out and went through his stuff. Including book bag, computer, room - etc. My Mom used to tell us if we weren't doing anything that she didn't need to know about - we didn't need privacy. I think if you go to her right now without proof of what she's doing - you're going to drive her to being more sneaky about what she's doing. OR if you say I think you are sharing on line pictures of yourself NUDE with boys it may make her feel like "Well she already thinks I do it - I may as well do it. It's largely difficult child in thinking, but also that of a teenager. If you feel you can't trust here - you can't, but once you blow your cover on your suspicions without some pretty hard evidence - I think it does more damage than good. You're the Mom, you don't need permission to go through her stuff- but a few "trying to sound grown up" text messages and a spyware pop up, to me don't sound like grounds for invasion. It sounds like you have a pretty good relationship with her - so why not just monitor the situation? As far as her computer - you can install something called Net nanny. And you should ALWAYS have access to her administration passwords as well as her user password. Not that you'll ever look at her computer - but the trust from HER needs to be there too. Maybe it's time for a refresher chat on what's acceptable behavior and what isn't? I have possibly the worlds sneakiest child - and I was never "stealth-Mom" until I was pushed into finding new a ingenious ways of getting the information I needed to determine if a suspicion was "family meeting" worthy. Never hurts to remind them what is expected of their behaviors and then hold your breath and hope for the best. Hugs Star [/QUOTE]
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