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Today is difficult child's birthday
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<blockquote data-quote="gsingjane" data-source="post: 582064" data-attributes="member: 15986"><p>Yes, absolutely echo what the others have said. Holidays and birthdays are incredibly hard. We haven't celebrated a birthday with difficult child since he left home in 2008, and he only lives a couple of hours away (in the city to which my husband commutes every day for work). Every Christmas, every Easter was dominated by his promising to come home, his postponing, his refusing, his not showing up, my crying and deep sorrow... finally I decided that I was done with expecting him to come home and I was especially done with letting him control the holidays for our entire family. I still miss him, he still doesn't show up, but it's more in line with an expectation now, rather than his behavior dominating the entire day.</p><p></p><p>I also feel that our difficult children' demands for money are, for the most part, completely unrelated to what they actually need. My difficult child takes money to spend it on things like $40 pizza! It's almost like he takes it just to show he can. If he can manipulate money out of us, that's a win for him.</p><p></p><p>I am practicing detachment every day. Our difficult child also has had every advantage and every new start we (or the universe!) could provide for him... he even had the new start of receiving an organ transplant, that's the biggest new beginning anyone can have! But his path is to squander his opportunities and make nothing of them, and blame everyone else for his sad and terrible life. He had the chance to make a giant course correction; even his transplant surgeon sat down with him and told him flat-out, and he ignored it. That's his road, and to us it feels, now, as if it always will be. As "Scent of Cedar" said in another post, though, this isn't how we raised him and this isn't what we taught him to do. You didn't teach your difficult child to live this way, either.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry if I am rambling but your post really caught my heart. I hope you are feeling better and that you can find one thing that makes you happy today.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="gsingjane, post: 582064, member: 15986"] Yes, absolutely echo what the others have said. Holidays and birthdays are incredibly hard. We haven't celebrated a birthday with difficult child since he left home in 2008, and he only lives a couple of hours away (in the city to which my husband commutes every day for work). Every Christmas, every Easter was dominated by his promising to come home, his postponing, his refusing, his not showing up, my crying and deep sorrow... finally I decided that I was done with expecting him to come home and I was especially done with letting him control the holidays for our entire family. I still miss him, he still doesn't show up, but it's more in line with an expectation now, rather than his behavior dominating the entire day. I also feel that our difficult children' demands for money are, for the most part, completely unrelated to what they actually need. My difficult child takes money to spend it on things like $40 pizza! It's almost like he takes it just to show he can. If he can manipulate money out of us, that's a win for him. I am practicing detachment every day. Our difficult child also has had every advantage and every new start we (or the universe!) could provide for him... he even had the new start of receiving an organ transplant, that's the biggest new beginning anyone can have! But his path is to squander his opportunities and make nothing of them, and blame everyone else for his sad and terrible life. He had the chance to make a giant course correction; even his transplant surgeon sat down with him and told him flat-out, and he ignored it. That's his road, and to us it feels, now, as if it always will be. As "Scent of Cedar" said in another post, though, this isn't how we raised him and this isn't what we taught him to do. You didn't teach your difficult child to live this way, either. I am sorry if I am rambling but your post really caught my heart. I hope you are feeling better and that you can find one thing that makes you happy today. [/QUOTE]
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