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Substance Abuse
Told my 19 year to leave
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 619586" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>You son pointed some guns at your in-laws. Yikes. I'd never want a drug user to own a gun or even know where it was. Likely, he does have dealings with drug dealers and probably deals himself. My daughter was in deep shoot with a drug dealer who threatened to kill her only we didn't know it until she was clean. She never told us the very worst and I doubt your son has either. </p><p></p><p>Your son is dangerous. Whether or not it is due to the drugs, I would never let him back in your house for any reason, even for a night. The drugs he is using may be making him paranoid which may be why he thought some drug dealer was driving by or else, worse, a drug dealer who is dangerous MAY be following him and that puts everyone at risk. I would encourage him to keep in recovery, but make him live somewhere else. In my home, there would be no second thoughts. You can't do that and be around me and my other loved ones. And shooting your wife with Mace??? No. I wouldn't let him near any of you. I'd communicate sparsely and give yourselves space. See if he is serious about quitting. You will know he is if he dumps his druggy friends, dresses nicer, gets a good job, and grows up.</p><p></p><p>And look our difficult children always try to put the blame for their hideous, dangerous, illegal behavior on us. That goes without saying. In spite of the fact that he Maced your wife and got his pistols, it's YOUR fault. After all, although he is not a baby, how dare you want to be safe and peaceful and not get harmed. The Mace incident to me at least counts as violence. But they want us to feel guilty and do what they want us to do and give them all their toys and pay for them so they say anything they can think of to hurt us. They do hurt us...until we get immune to it.</p><p></p><p>Your son is very sick, but he is also dangerous. He is the only one who can make sure he gets the help he needs. You can't do it for him. He has to call around, go to social services, do therapy...he is too old for you to do it for him. Nobody will allow you to. Whether he gets clean is his decision. Not saying it happens often, but my daughter got clean without a rehab. She just got tired of herself and did what she had to do.</p><p></p><p>Trust me, even in your house he will go back to a life of drugs. He did it before. What makes you think that will stop him? Hitting the bottom is a better wake up call then sleeping in a warm bed after you've taken your drugs and acting like a maniac and dangerous to your parents because you are high as a kite. </p><p></p><p>All of us have to walk this path alone. We all make our own decisions in our own time. How does your wife feel about his coming back home? I forget...any younger kids?</p><p></p><p>Regardless of what you decide to do, I strongly advise going to a Narc-Anon or Al-Anon group with your wife for facetime help and therapy of your own. You may also want to join The National Alliance for the Mentally Ill. Don't do it for Junior. Do it for you and your wife. You deserve a good life, even if you son is in self-destructive mode. You can't change anyone but yourself, which means you can't change your son one wit, but you sure can have a good life even while he is struggling. You have loved ones and friends who treat you well and with respect and don't threaten you...and you have the only person in the world you CAN control...YOURSELF. YOU matter. YOU matter as much as he does. </p><p></p><p>I wish you peace, whatever you decide to do. Don't make any rash decisions. Talk it over with your wife and don't be influenced by difficult child's attempt to give you a guilt trip. Try to think rationally. </p><p></p><p>You can keep helping your son even if he doesn't live with you. Find a list of rehabs, shelters, services, free meals and give him the list. He can do what he wants with it. Most of our kids are very resourceful. I haven't heard of one yet starving.</p><p></p><p>I know how hard the guilt trip is. I cried for three straight weeks after I made my daughter leave and she threw a ton of accusations at me as she slammed out the door. We are the best of friends now. She claims now that I had done the right thing.</p><p></p><p>I send you good vibes and hope we can help extend to you the strength one needs to go through this. Stay safe.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 619586, member: 1550"] You son pointed some guns at your in-laws. Yikes. I'd never want a drug user to own a gun or even know where it was. Likely, he does have dealings with drug dealers and probably deals himself. My daughter was in deep shoot with a drug dealer who threatened to kill her only we didn't know it until she was clean. She never told us the very worst and I doubt your son has either. Your son is dangerous. Whether or not it is due to the drugs, I would never let him back in your house for any reason, even for a night. The drugs he is using may be making him paranoid which may be why he thought some drug dealer was driving by or else, worse, a drug dealer who is dangerous MAY be following him and that puts everyone at risk. I would encourage him to keep in recovery, but make him live somewhere else. In my home, there would be no second thoughts. You can't do that and be around me and my other loved ones. And shooting your wife with Mace??? No. I wouldn't let him near any of you. I'd communicate sparsely and give yourselves space. See if he is serious about quitting. You will know he is if he dumps his druggy friends, dresses nicer, gets a good job, and grows up. And look our difficult children always try to put the blame for their hideous, dangerous, illegal behavior on us. That goes without saying. In spite of the fact that he Maced your wife and got his pistols, it's YOUR fault. After all, although he is not a baby, how dare you want to be safe and peaceful and not get harmed. The Mace incident to me at least counts as violence. But they want us to feel guilty and do what they want us to do and give them all their toys and pay for them so they say anything they can think of to hurt us. They do hurt us...until we get immune to it. Your son is very sick, but he is also dangerous. He is the only one who can make sure he gets the help he needs. You can't do it for him. He has to call around, go to social services, do therapy...he is too old for you to do it for him. Nobody will allow you to. Whether he gets clean is his decision. Not saying it happens often, but my daughter got clean without a rehab. She just got tired of herself and did what she had to do. Trust me, even in your house he will go back to a life of drugs. He did it before. What makes you think that will stop him? Hitting the bottom is a better wake up call then sleeping in a warm bed after you've taken your drugs and acting like a maniac and dangerous to your parents because you are high as a kite. All of us have to walk this path alone. We all make our own decisions in our own time. How does your wife feel about his coming back home? I forget...any younger kids? Regardless of what you decide to do, I strongly advise going to a Narc-Anon or Al-Anon group with your wife for facetime help and therapy of your own. You may also want to join The National Alliance for the Mentally Ill. Don't do it for Junior. Do it for you and your wife. You deserve a good life, even if you son is in self-destructive mode. You can't change anyone but yourself, which means you can't change your son one wit, but you sure can have a good life even while he is struggling. You have loved ones and friends who treat you well and with respect and don't threaten you...and you have the only person in the world you CAN control...YOURSELF. YOU matter. YOU matter as much as he does. I wish you peace, whatever you decide to do. Don't make any rash decisions. Talk it over with your wife and don't be influenced by difficult child's attempt to give you a guilt trip. Try to think rationally. You can keep helping your son even if he doesn't live with you. Find a list of rehabs, shelters, services, free meals and give him the list. He can do what he wants with it. Most of our kids are very resourceful. I haven't heard of one yet starving. I know how hard the guilt trip is. I cried for three straight weeks after I made my daughter leave and she threw a ton of accusations at me as she slammed out the door. We are the best of friends now. She claims now that I had done the right thing. I send you good vibes and hope we can help extend to you the strength one needs to go through this. Stay safe. [/QUOTE]
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