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Substance Abuse
Told my 19 year to leave
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 619638" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Lost Dad, welcome and I am glad you are here. I hope you can see that giving your son money is not a good idea. At all.</p><p></p><p>His behavior is off the charts. It sounds like you have done, and done, and gone beyond done, to help him and have put up with a lot. Way too much.</p><p></p><p>Learning Disability (LD), please start the long process of change in yourself. It sounds like he has now finally done it, but I have thought have before myself, and after time passes, and there is some distance, I become soft and weak and allow outrageous behavior again.</p><p></p><p>It's time for that to stop in all our homes.</p><p></p><p>You and your wife deserve a peaceful home where you don't have to lock your bedroom doors at night----against your own child. Think about that for a minute. Is that right from any perspective?</p><p></p><p>If he can behave like this, he needs to do it alone. Without you as his pawns, his victims and his audience.</p><p></p><p>I know you love him, but allowing this and rewarding it by handing him even one single dollar bill, is condoning what he did.</p><p></p><p>If you aren't ready to completely stop the flow of money---which i recommend you work toward, sooner rather than later, only pay directly for anything you still provide for him.</p><p></p><p>He gets none of your money in his hands.</p><p></p><p>Starting this process of stopping our old behavior and learning new ways of dealing with someone who is completely out of control is the pathway to peace. Please get and read Cloud and Townsend's book called: Boundaries. it is excellent. Also the post on this site on detachment is something I have printed out, given to others in my family and reread many times. Melody Beattie's book, Codependent No More, is another good book. Please find and go to an Al-Anon meeting if you can. </p><p></p><p>There is much peace and hope to be gained, even when our adult addicted children are out of control.</p><p></p><p>keep coming back here, Lost Dad. We understand how you feel as we have all been there ourselves. Blessings and prayers to you and your wife.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 619638, member: 17542"] Lost Dad, welcome and I am glad you are here. I hope you can see that giving your son money is not a good idea. At all. His behavior is off the charts. It sounds like you have done, and done, and gone beyond done, to help him and have put up with a lot. Way too much. Learning Disability (LD), please start the long process of change in yourself. It sounds like he has now finally done it, but I have thought have before myself, and after time passes, and there is some distance, I become soft and weak and allow outrageous behavior again. It's time for that to stop in all our homes. You and your wife deserve a peaceful home where you don't have to lock your bedroom doors at night----against your own child. Think about that for a minute. Is that right from any perspective? If he can behave like this, he needs to do it alone. Without you as his pawns, his victims and his audience. I know you love him, but allowing this and rewarding it by handing him even one single dollar bill, is condoning what he did. If you aren't ready to completely stop the flow of money---which i recommend you work toward, sooner rather than later, only pay directly for anything you still provide for him. He gets none of your money in his hands. Starting this process of stopping our old behavior and learning new ways of dealing with someone who is completely out of control is the pathway to peace. Please get and read Cloud and Townsend's book called: Boundaries. it is excellent. Also the post on this site on detachment is something I have printed out, given to others in my family and reread many times. Melody Beattie's book, Codependent No More, is another good book. Please find and go to an Al-Anon meeting if you can. There is much peace and hope to be gained, even when our adult addicted children are out of control. keep coming back here, Lost Dad. We understand how you feel as we have all been there ourselves. Blessings and prayers to you and your wife. [/QUOTE]
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