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Told our difficult child not to come home for holidays, feeling regreted but we just had to...
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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 702746" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>You did give her a safe place, she chose to behave in a way that made it unsafe for everyone.</p><p></p><p></p><p>This is very typical of a difficult adult child. It's much easier for them to blame the parents rather than accept responsibility for the poor choices they are making. It's hard and very hurtful when our adult difficult children spread lies about us to others. My son did the same thing. I learned that people who are willing to believe an out of control adult child instead of the parent who has been there doing everything they can to help this adult child, these people are not who I consider friends. I have let many relationships go because they think my husband and I should have done more, tried harder. We did everything we could, we spent years and ten of thousands of dollars trying to get out son to turn his life around. We finally had to accept that our son did not want to turn his life around. It's always easy for someone on the outside to think and say they could get this out of control adult child to turn around. I say, have at it! I would give them one week of dealing with what many of us here have had to deal with before they run screaming.</p><p></p><p></p><p>There have been many grandparents that have made the same offer and after a couple of weeks they realize they cannot control this adult child. Out of obligation they will continue to "try" helping but their helping turns to enabling and the adult difficult child soon finds they can manipulate grandma into doing what they want.</p><p>If your mother is set on helping your daughter there is nothing you can do or say to stop her. Hopefully she will be able to get through to your daughter but if she can't she will have to live with the choice she made in taking your daughter in.</p><p>Your mother's comment that you are not committed is not true. As parents we do the best we can to raise our children. At some point they all become adults and they make their own choices, good or bad. </p><p>There are stories of parents who were drug addicts and raised their children in the most unhealthy environment and these children grew up to be very successful people. </p><p>It all comes down to choice. Until our difficult adult children make the choice to stop blaming others for the chaos and drama in their own lives nothing will change for them.</p><p></p><p>Try not to let your mothers words hurt you. If she does take your daughter in she will soon find it's not as easy as she thinks.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 702746, member: 18516"] You did give her a safe place, she chose to behave in a way that made it unsafe for everyone. This is very typical of a difficult adult child. It's much easier for them to blame the parents rather than accept responsibility for the poor choices they are making. It's hard and very hurtful when our adult difficult children spread lies about us to others. My son did the same thing. I learned that people who are willing to believe an out of control adult child instead of the parent who has been there doing everything they can to help this adult child, these people are not who I consider friends. I have let many relationships go because they think my husband and I should have done more, tried harder. We did everything we could, we spent years and ten of thousands of dollars trying to get out son to turn his life around. We finally had to accept that our son did not want to turn his life around. It's always easy for someone on the outside to think and say they could get this out of control adult child to turn around. I say, have at it! I would give them one week of dealing with what many of us here have had to deal with before they run screaming. There have been many grandparents that have made the same offer and after a couple of weeks they realize they cannot control this adult child. Out of obligation they will continue to "try" helping but their helping turns to enabling and the adult difficult child soon finds they can manipulate grandma into doing what they want. If your mother is set on helping your daughter there is nothing you can do or say to stop her. Hopefully she will be able to get through to your daughter but if she can't she will have to live with the choice she made in taking your daughter in. Your mother's comment that you are not committed is not true. As parents we do the best we can to raise our children. At some point they all become adults and they make their own choices, good or bad. There are stories of parents who were drug addicts and raised their children in the most unhealthy environment and these children grew up to be very successful people. It all comes down to choice. Until our difficult adult children make the choice to stop blaming others for the chaos and drama in their own lives nothing will change for them. Try not to let your mothers words hurt you. If she does take your daughter in she will soon find it's not as easy as she thinks. [/QUOTE]
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Told our difficult child not to come home for holidays, feeling regreted but we just had to...
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