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Too much weirdness
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<blockquote data-quote="katya02" data-source="post: 191489" data-attributes="member: 2884"><p>I haven't posted for a bit with things being up and down and other family stuff going on. But after the last weird thing with the stabbed message board and wall, husband ruminated and agonized and finally went to confront difficult child at 1:30 am when he (husband) couldn't sleep. He laced into difficult child in a way he's never ever done before. I went down to hear what was going on so I would know what was truth and what was fiction when I heard about it from difficult child the next day.</p><p></p><p>husband spent about an hour telling difficult child he couldn't understand why difficult child was throwing his life down the crapper; how he was going to have to tell difficult child to leave and that would be total disaster for him; he outlined everything he foresaw happening in graphic terms. difficult child sat still and listened. He didn't offer any arguments.</p><p></p><p>After this, difficult child looked at husband and apologized. He said he had underestimated 'how severe things were'. He said husband was absolutely right in everything he'd said, everything about difficult child's laziness and lack of initiative, his lack of respect for his family, his living situation, everything. He said he would go if we wanted him to. </p><p></p><p>husband told him he could have one more chance on several conditions: that he schedule and regiment himself in terms of getting up, cleaning his room and bathroom, and making a list of things to do around the house and property and then tell us, not have us tell him, what he would do each day. That he close the deal on the job he's applied for, and if not, get out pounding the pavement until he's got one, preferably two, jobs that are less desirable. That he understand that we are not going to tiptoe around him and his moods; that if we criticize him he is to take it as something he needs to correct in himself; and that if he decides to argue with us, or punch his walls, or do anything weird or violent again, he has just decided to pack and leave. 'Just tell yourself, I have just decided to leave, if you do any of these things' were husband's words. </p><p></p><p>So difficult child called repeatedly about the job he'd submitted an app for, got an interview, went and talked to four co-owners of a company for 45 minutes, and got the job. He spent the next three days (until today) chopping firewood for the winter, cleaning out the hot tub, scouring his room, and cleaning the kitchen. He starts the new job at 6 am Monday.</p><p></p><p>The counselor at his outpatient rehab said we are too soft. I have hesitated to post here because we will be seen as being too soft. But difficult child is doing everything we said, so far. </p><p></p><p>I don't trust my judgement anymore. I still have never managed to get to an Al-Anon meeting (there was one tonight but I was loading our horse onto a trailer to send him south to sell). I did find out there are daily - DAILY - NarAnon meetings in town. They seem to be the best-kept secret around here. They aren't publicized on the web, in the local paper, or anywhere else. I found exactly one brochure in the waiting area of the outpatient rehab office. If difficult child hadn't been there for counseling I'd never have found it. Anyway, I will get to one this coming week come hell or high water. I suppose husband and I are enablers but I don't know how to kick difficult child out when he's complying 100% with our rules and requirements now.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="katya02, post: 191489, member: 2884"] I haven't posted for a bit with things being up and down and other family stuff going on. But after the last weird thing with the stabbed message board and wall, husband ruminated and agonized and finally went to confront difficult child at 1:30 am when he (husband) couldn't sleep. He laced into difficult child in a way he's never ever done before. I went down to hear what was going on so I would know what was truth and what was fiction when I heard about it from difficult child the next day. husband spent about an hour telling difficult child he couldn't understand why difficult child was throwing his life down the crapper; how he was going to have to tell difficult child to leave and that would be total disaster for him; he outlined everything he foresaw happening in graphic terms. difficult child sat still and listened. He didn't offer any arguments. After this, difficult child looked at husband and apologized. He said he had underestimated 'how severe things were'. He said husband was absolutely right in everything he'd said, everything about difficult child's laziness and lack of initiative, his lack of respect for his family, his living situation, everything. He said he would go if we wanted him to. husband told him he could have one more chance on several conditions: that he schedule and regiment himself in terms of getting up, cleaning his room and bathroom, and making a list of things to do around the house and property and then tell us, not have us tell him, what he would do each day. That he close the deal on the job he's applied for, and if not, get out pounding the pavement until he's got one, preferably two, jobs that are less desirable. That he understand that we are not going to tiptoe around him and his moods; that if we criticize him he is to take it as something he needs to correct in himself; and that if he decides to argue with us, or punch his walls, or do anything weird or violent again, he has just decided to pack and leave. 'Just tell yourself, I have just decided to leave, if you do any of these things' were husband's words. So difficult child called repeatedly about the job he'd submitted an app for, got an interview, went and talked to four co-owners of a company for 45 minutes, and got the job. He spent the next three days (until today) chopping firewood for the winter, cleaning out the hot tub, scouring his room, and cleaning the kitchen. He starts the new job at 6 am Monday. The counselor at his outpatient rehab said we are too soft. I have hesitated to post here because we will be seen as being too soft. But difficult child is doing everything we said, so far. I don't trust my judgement anymore. I still have never managed to get to an Al-Anon meeting (there was one tonight but I was loading our horse onto a trailer to send him south to sell). I did find out there are daily - DAILY - NarAnon meetings in town. They seem to be the best-kept secret around here. They aren't publicized on the web, in the local paper, or anywhere else. I found exactly one brochure in the waiting area of the outpatient rehab office. If difficult child hadn't been there for counseling I'd never have found it. Anyway, I will get to one this coming week come hell or high water. I suppose husband and I are enablers but I don't know how to kick difficult child out when he's complying 100% with our rules and requirements now. [/QUOTE]
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