Too smart for my own good

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by JJJ, Jan 9, 2008.

  1. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Well, I did my parent report for the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) Grant. I have to redo it because I sound too much like I know what I am talking about :hammer:

    The woman assigned to help me compile the grant application told me that I sound too much like a clinician. They want me to sound more like a mom. I told her she should meet my warrior mom group :warrior:! I shouldn't know words like "disassociate" and "flashback" because the grant committee wouldn't believe a parent knew what those words meant.

    I reread my report and I did slide into 3rd person when discussing some of the more horrible aspects of Kanga. I also noticed that I used her given name throughout the report except the section where I have to write her positive qualities, there I used her nickname. Guess that tells me something :rolleyes:

    The good news is that once husband sends my last 2 faxes from his work tomorrow all of her records will have been requested and should be received within 7-10 days. And I was able to get my sister to watch my littles so I can meet with the Grant-lady tomorrow. We are moving forward!
  2. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    You know, on the big screen TV of life, that is not such a really big deal, but for crying out loud. You are a mom, a caring mom, doing her best for her child, INFORMING herself...the irony that too much knowledge could bite you in the end...well it really stinks.

    Anyways, good luck tomorrow. Lots of hugs and prayers.
  3. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    Oh I know how that can be. I went to a meeting with people associated with difficult child 1 a long time ago and knew the right questions to ask and they didn't like it. Good luck.

  4. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Triple J,

    I had the same problem - I had prepared myself & researched all the unofficial diagnosis's for the tweedles. My parent report included so many of the "normal" daily activites but when the pros got to the issues that brought them there, the pros were stunned by my level of knowledge.

    Having said that, I sat in meetings "learning" all that I already knew about kt & wm - then edited my parent report & it was accepted. I thought it to be a politically correct issue. My therapist pointed out that most parents, even parents with issues this extreme, don't know the terms dissociative or how it is applied to their child. The professionals become weary of that level of knowledge.

    on the other hand, another doctor told me that their profession isn't comfortable with a medically savvy parent.

    It's a just the facts, maam, kind of thing here. Dummy yourself up for a bit & then let your true warrior mum self show.

    Good luck with the admit/paperwork process. Keep copies!

  5. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    How frustrating they would make you change the report so you wouldn't sound too knowledgeable! I'm glad it's done though!
  6. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    I really hate it when a health professional gets edgy because I seem to know too much. Sometimes "too much" seems very little indeed.

    easy child 2/difficult child 2's stomach doctor is very good; I'm not sure if he was signalling me to back off when I was explaining things to her during the consult. He was explaining, and she wasn't understanding, so I put it in terms she COULD follow ("What Dr J is trying to say, is this..."), and I got a curious look from the doctor. "You know too much," he said.
    I won't be criticised for being informed, unless it is in the interests of my children to 'play dumb', so I told him my qualifications and pointed out that I have an enquiring mind, and most health professionals find my knowledge to be a help rather than a hindrance.
    With hindsight, I don't think he was really criticising, I think he was just teasing (and maybe probing).

    I used to see a wonderful immunologist (retired now) who could explain the most complex medical things to an audience of general public, and have them able to discuss the topic at length with doctors afterwards. He would explain things to his patients just as clearly.

    mother in law is a retired nurse. She has ALWAYS "played dumb" for fear of scaring off doctors. I don't think she does it so much now, it was a deference thing to a certain extent. I make her a bit nervous because I don't play that game.

    But I am not a doctor, I always make that clear. There are gaps in my knowledge, plus I'm not going to be as well-read medically all round as a conscientious doctor. My knowledge merely overlaps medicine in a number of areas.

    But to have to dumb down a report? OK, if you have to, but it would be so frustrating!

  7. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    uhhhhhh, what's a flashback?
  8. PersonalEnigma

    PersonalEnigma New Member

    Thankfully so far difficult child's docs and teachers are grateful for the amount of knowledge I bring to the table, but sometimes I wonder if I get less input from them at times because of it. I'd also hate to have to dumb-down a report...
  9. HereWeGoAgain

    HereWeGoAgain Grandpa

    I think that's it exactly.

    Having to dumb down your report just to stroke their precious "professional" egos... Disgusting, for lack of a printable term.

    Helping the kids should be a joint effort. The professionals should be welcoming and encouraging your knowledge and insights. They might even learn a thing or two themselves in the process.

    Instead they want to talk down to you. :grrr:
  10. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    I just got off the phone with the social worker at the psychiatric hospital and we used big words in our conversation. She thought it was odd that I wasn't being allowed to use clinical words "when it is clear you know what they mean".

    Well, I edited the first 7 pages of the report and will run them by the Grant-lady for approval before I edit the remaining 15 pages.

    NVTS - In Kanga's flashbacks she is suddenly 5 years old again and --to her -- the abuse happens all over again. She will actually lie on the ground and "fight off" an invisible abuser. To her, it is just as traumatic as the initial abuse.