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Too Young to Be a difficult child? Wondering.....
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 58302" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>You really have to think laterally with a difficult child.</p><p></p><p>Your techniques bore fruit but they are techniques which would be frowned on these days in many places. I'm not saying you were doing the wrong thing - I also used to do similar things when minding all my sisters' kids - but these days anyone other than a parent administering ANY physical punishment can get you into hot water. In some places, even the parents can be in trouble. My mother taught me to smack the offending body part: not to cause pain, because that's not the aim, but to give a short, sharp reminder to not do the wrong thing. A baby crawling to a floor power socket, when they know it's wrong (and you can see the look they give you as they reach out to touch it while watching for your reaction) - my mother would flick the fingers, say, "No!" and remove the child. Over and over, if necessary. usually it was only necessary no more than twice. But these days - frowned upon.</p><p></p><p>So here's some lateral thinking ideas - when she hits, put mittens on her. The mittens are to punish the naughty hand. SHE isn't being naughty, just her hand. You'll probably have to make some mittens specially, just a padded rectangular bag for each hand which does up at the wrist with velcro, so there is NO WAY she can get them off with her teeth, etc. With the padding she can't do as much damage. And the bigger the mittens, the floppier they will be also. It will be blindingly obvious that she is attempting to hit (ie SHE can't pretend she didn't mean it) and you can see it coming. PLUS - the blow will be ineffectual, with the floppy mittens. NOT satisfying from her point of view.</p><p>Similarly, the mittens can stop her taking food out of her mouth. Plus, they come in real handy if she ever gets chickenpox.</p><p></p><p>I would handle the meal problem differently, though. You say she can't afford to skip a meal - unless she is dangerously underweight, I wouldn't worry. The best punishment (if punishment it is) is to remove the food and conclude meal time. But NO more food until NEXT meal time.</p><p>The other option - offer an incentive if she finishes the plate without misbehaving. And be firm and stick to it (as you would anyway).</p><p></p><p>If she is REALLY underweight, you may need to change tactics entirely with meals. A young friend of ours was diagnosed with muscular dystrophy at about 3 and she was already badly underweight. She would be too tired to eat much or even chew, so her mother WOULD let her up from the table and would follow her around with food all day, spooning in a bit here and a bit there, to get her through. The little girl would fall asleep even if she was hungry, because eating had worn her out, so they served up 'easy' food for her, as well as fattening high-carb food. The mother also kept 'open house' with the neighbourhood kids, so there was always stimulation and snack food all round. Their other child did not grow up to be overweight in any way, so there wasn't a problem with the diet in that respect. The little girl is now a uni student, living independently and doing well, although she still has muscular dystrophy.</p><p>But following her around with food - it worked for them. The girl wasn't spoiled, because it was a way of getting what she needed into her. She didn't get all the toys she wanted, or get to run amok in other ways.</p><p></p><p>I remember easy child being fussy with food at this age - she had one bottle a day and nothing else but water. So I put a raw egg into her bottle of formula.</p><p></p><p>They say a young child will not starve themselves. In general I agree but there are always exceptions, especially with difficult child kids. And I do agree with your assessment, she sounds at least potentially difficult child. With hindsight, we can see the difficult child in our kids from their first year.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 58302, member: 1991"] You really have to think laterally with a difficult child. Your techniques bore fruit but they are techniques which would be frowned on these days in many places. I'm not saying you were doing the wrong thing - I also used to do similar things when minding all my sisters' kids - but these days anyone other than a parent administering ANY physical punishment can get you into hot water. In some places, even the parents can be in trouble. My mother taught me to smack the offending body part: not to cause pain, because that's not the aim, but to give a short, sharp reminder to not do the wrong thing. A baby crawling to a floor power socket, when they know it's wrong (and you can see the look they give you as they reach out to touch it while watching for your reaction) - my mother would flick the fingers, say, "No!" and remove the child. Over and over, if necessary. usually it was only necessary no more than twice. But these days - frowned upon. So here's some lateral thinking ideas - when she hits, put mittens on her. The mittens are to punish the naughty hand. SHE isn't being naughty, just her hand. You'll probably have to make some mittens specially, just a padded rectangular bag for each hand which does up at the wrist with velcro, so there is NO WAY she can get them off with her teeth, etc. With the padding she can't do as much damage. And the bigger the mittens, the floppier they will be also. It will be blindingly obvious that she is attempting to hit (ie SHE can't pretend she didn't mean it) and you can see it coming. PLUS - the blow will be ineffectual, with the floppy mittens. NOT satisfying from her point of view. Similarly, the mittens can stop her taking food out of her mouth. Plus, they come in real handy if she ever gets chickenpox. I would handle the meal problem differently, though. You say she can't afford to skip a meal - unless she is dangerously underweight, I wouldn't worry. The best punishment (if punishment it is) is to remove the food and conclude meal time. But NO more food until NEXT meal time. The other option - offer an incentive if she finishes the plate without misbehaving. And be firm and stick to it (as you would anyway). If she is REALLY underweight, you may need to change tactics entirely with meals. A young friend of ours was diagnosed with muscular dystrophy at about 3 and she was already badly underweight. She would be too tired to eat much or even chew, so her mother WOULD let her up from the table and would follow her around with food all day, spooning in a bit here and a bit there, to get her through. The little girl would fall asleep even if she was hungry, because eating had worn her out, so they served up 'easy' food for her, as well as fattening high-carb food. The mother also kept 'open house' with the neighbourhood kids, so there was always stimulation and snack food all round. Their other child did not grow up to be overweight in any way, so there wasn't a problem with the diet in that respect. The little girl is now a uni student, living independently and doing well, although she still has muscular dystrophy. But following her around with food - it worked for them. The girl wasn't spoiled, because it was a way of getting what she needed into her. She didn't get all the toys she wanted, or get to run amok in other ways. I remember easy child being fussy with food at this age - she had one bottle a day and nothing else but water. So I put a raw egg into her bottle of formula. They say a young child will not starve themselves. In general I agree but there are always exceptions, especially with difficult child kids. And I do agree with your assessment, she sounds at least potentially difficult child. With hindsight, we can see the difficult child in our kids from their first year. Marg [/QUOTE]
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