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Top psychiatrist but maybe not right one, or is it me?
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<blockquote data-quote="buddy" data-source="post: 482655" data-attributes="member: 12886"><p>Interesting DJ, I took the black and blue/bite comment to mean that the parents were coming in with black and blue marks (like me, teehee). How egocentric of me, but it might be what she was saying, meaning that the doctor is not thinking these kids are so tough because they are not abusing mom in that way. </p><p></p><p>Crystal, I dont think it is about you needing to not tell the truth. I think it is about you needing to filter the truth. NO lies. Just do not share so much. Services are generally based on the child needing support. Not the parents. Parents at times do get respite care, but that is still based on the child's diagnosis and the assumption then that they are more difficult than a typical child. It <em>is</em> a little like politics, you are right. Not to lie, but to put a spin on it so that it emphasizes how your kids follow directions, how literal they are, how long do rages last, is there any physical violence with sibs or you guys as parents? Just try hard to keep the focus on what they do, say, feel. If you feel like you really do need to talk about something like manipulation, maybe instead of comments like- they are trying to manipulate me- or they are being so manipulative--, say I wonder sometimes if this behavior is so he can control the situation. Saying someone is manipulative does have a really negative connotation here. (and boy are some of our difficult child's manipulative!) You can explain that you would like to learn more about their disabilities and how they each think and learn, so they can reach their potentials. Explain they are really struggling now. You would like to help to reduce the issues and help the whole family function better. (these are some of the things I hear from your posts, I could be wrong of course) Maybe next time, have a notebook for each difficult child. Then you can stay really closely on track. Include specific behaviors, do not talk about how you felt about them, just that they had a really hard time with situation X, Y Z...what set them off, what they did, how you resolved it, how much time it took, etc. </p><p></p><p>Include any comments they make about their feelings.</p><p>Include any problems in school.</p><p></p><p>I know it may seem like game playing, but it is just that most people can't imagine how hard this is, even if they are professionals in the field. We are all just humans trying to do a super human job. they can try to understand, but unless they live it then I doubt they will see it in any other way than thinking that a parent who is so overwhelmed must be (at least in part) the cause of the issue. (could it be that your depression is making things more difficult? of course, we all would agree that our issues affect our kids I think! You yourself have stated that you think you need to be on medication again. But you can take care of that in a different time and place, with your own psychiatrist/therapist)</p><p></p><p>You said that you feel that logically, if they think you are falling apart, then they should think-- wow, we should help this mom by giving her kids services.... sorry it doesn't work that way. Maybe it should, but it doesn't. </p><p></p><p>So, dont beat your self up. It is ok to be an honest person. You just learned something about the system, and now you will move forward with a heavier filter when you talk to the kids' psychiatrist. If you want, run by your issues with them here. Remember those parents here who did that a month or so ago?. I thought the stuff they ended up writing and discussing was brilliant because they ended up with a dozen people helping him compose it! I am going to do that too next time I have to send any kind of serious request to our district. I loved the input from here.</p><p></p><p>Hang tough girl! You made a good choice to fire this guy, top guy or not, he is just not a good match for you. Do not sign a release of information for the new psychiatrist/therapist you get for the boys, ok. Let the person get to know all of you without a prior bias. After a good relationship is set, if they feel they need past info, then you can decide. </p><p></p><p>All this is just mho, of course if it doesn't fit with what you think, you know I will support you no matter what! only you are there living it and you are a smart, educated, caring mom. You can do this. all my luv, Dee</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="buddy, post: 482655, member: 12886"] Interesting DJ, I took the black and blue/bite comment to mean that the parents were coming in with black and blue marks (like me, teehee). How egocentric of me, but it might be what she was saying, meaning that the doctor is not thinking these kids are so tough because they are not abusing mom in that way. Crystal, I dont think it is about you needing to not tell the truth. I think it is about you needing to filter the truth. NO lies. Just do not share so much. Services are generally based on the child needing support. Not the parents. Parents at times do get respite care, but that is still based on the child's diagnosis and the assumption then that they are more difficult than a typical child. It [I]is[/I] a little like politics, you are right. Not to lie, but to put a spin on it so that it emphasizes how your kids follow directions, how literal they are, how long do rages last, is there any physical violence with sibs or you guys as parents? Just try hard to keep the focus on what they do, say, feel. If you feel like you really do need to talk about something like manipulation, maybe instead of comments like- they are trying to manipulate me- or they are being so manipulative--, say I wonder sometimes if this behavior is so he can control the situation. Saying someone is manipulative does have a really negative connotation here. (and boy are some of our difficult child's manipulative!) You can explain that you would like to learn more about their disabilities and how they each think and learn, so they can reach their potentials. Explain they are really struggling now. You would like to help to reduce the issues and help the whole family function better. (these are some of the things I hear from your posts, I could be wrong of course) Maybe next time, have a notebook for each difficult child. Then you can stay really closely on track. Include specific behaviors, do not talk about how you felt about them, just that they had a really hard time with situation X, Y Z...what set them off, what they did, how you resolved it, how much time it took, etc. Include any comments they make about their feelings. Include any problems in school. I know it may seem like game playing, but it is just that most people can't imagine how hard this is, even if they are professionals in the field. We are all just humans trying to do a super human job. they can try to understand, but unless they live it then I doubt they will see it in any other way than thinking that a parent who is so overwhelmed must be (at least in part) the cause of the issue. (could it be that your depression is making things more difficult? of course, we all would agree that our issues affect our kids I think! You yourself have stated that you think you need to be on medication again. But you can take care of that in a different time and place, with your own psychiatrist/therapist) You said that you feel that logically, if they think you are falling apart, then they should think-- wow, we should help this mom by giving her kids services.... sorry it doesn't work that way. Maybe it should, but it doesn't. So, dont beat your self up. It is ok to be an honest person. You just learned something about the system, and now you will move forward with a heavier filter when you talk to the kids' psychiatrist. If you want, run by your issues with them here. Remember those parents here who did that a month or so ago?. I thought the stuff they ended up writing and discussing was brilliant because they ended up with a dozen people helping him compose it! I am going to do that too next time I have to send any kind of serious request to our district. I loved the input from here. Hang tough girl! You made a good choice to fire this guy, top guy or not, he is just not a good match for you. Do not sign a release of information for the new psychiatrist/therapist you get for the boys, ok. Let the person get to know all of you without a prior bias. After a good relationship is set, if they feel they need past info, then you can decide. All this is just mho, of course if it doesn't fit with what you think, you know I will support you no matter what! only you are there living it and you are a smart, educated, caring mom. You can do this. all my luv, Dee [/QUOTE]
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Top psychiatrist but maybe not right one, or is it me?
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