I cannot stand the way things have happened this year. We scheduled a delayed celebration with my folks for today. Last night the poo hit the rotary oscillator. Wiz let us know that 2 celebrations were NOT the plan, but we would just find gfgbro there when we arrived. NO WARNING, NO REQUEST, NO DISCUSSION, NOTHING. For the last 6 weeks she has not been taking or returning my calls. Jess heard this last night and had a panic attack. I came very close. My mom SWEARS she spoke to me about it. She did. LAST FEBRUARY. I told her that we could maybe discuss it closer to the holidays but it is not solely my decision and I would not push my kids into or out of it. That is the ONLY time we have discussed it. There is absolutely no way it would be a minor chat or a detail that I would forget, or something that I would agree to without talking to my kids. I can get over the disrespect to me, it is what I have always had, what I was raised to tolerate. Jess had just begun to let her guard down more and to open herself up to her gma in the last few months, It may take years for her to try again to this degree. She didn't sleep more than 2 hours at a time last night with-o whimpering, crying or begging for him to stop hurting her and promising to be good and not tell. thank you didn't sleep well either but he tossed and turned and kept waking up all night - HIGHLY unusual for him He won't admit to having a problem wtih his uncle but it shows in dreams. mostly he wont admit it happened because he saw how J and T were treated when they spoke up, so he pretended it never happened. And on some level he saw all of that as normal so it doesn't register as a problem. My mom told me that since it has been 2 years, Jess should be 'over' it. The tdocs have asked us why on Earth would e even CONSIDER allowing gfgbro to be in our lives, even on the very edge? By every therapist I mean at least 10 considering the tdocs all the way back to when I was in college and the various ones we saw while working on the conversion/epilepsy thing. Any mention of this sent my mother into a tizzy though she and gfgbro offered to 'take' me to a therapist to help figure things out so I wouldn't be so 'unhappy with my life'. I bit that hook years back and won't EVER again. I guess 2 years is the magic number to be over something. Odd though. My mother sure wasn't over having panic attacks if she just drove onto the university streets without even turning onto any street that went near her old office or classrooms. Part of her breakdown a few years ago was triggered by things from her job and she sure as sugar could not even go onto the university for a lot longer than 2 years. The reason my mom has NEVER seen J have a full blown panic attack is that j is certain and completely terrified that her grandma will hate her if she tells/shows how bad it is for her. Doesn't that just break your heart? Imagine dealing with not just the anxiety attacks and fear, but also the abuse and shame while always wondering if you were going to be hated by someone who is supposed to love you unconditionally if she finds out. husband and thank you are going over tonight for dinner and presents. They are NOT going to upset anyone, or because they have forgiven and forgotten. They are goign for Wiz. They can mitigate the ugly things he says and they can go into another room to play a game togther and give him some refuge. Insight, opinions, ideas are welcome. Thanks for letting me vent.