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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 404540" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Jen, you are there and in the trenches. Your gut is telling you that it is time to go home so it is the right thing to do. Period. You already know they are not going to provide a psychiatric component in much of any way, so why would you agree to stay there longer? If the problem is her other issues, and they won't work with those, then why <em>would</em> you stay? Sure, the goal should have been sustained eating from the beginning. If they had just LISTENED to you as you described the other time she started to eat again then they would have done that to begin with. but they were so so sure they knew better and if she just ate 3 meals she owuld be fixed. Yeah. Sure. NOT. in my opinion that doesn't seem logical with any case of food refusal that has gotten so long term as to do the damage to her body that difficult child has. But that is MY experience and colored by having LOTS of "experts" get Wiz to do something in their office or during a 2-3 day psychiatric hospital stay and be so certain that he would go home and be "healed" and as soon as he got home he was back to whatever he had been doing before we took him to them. I guess I qualify as "Ye of little faith" when it ocmes to these easy fix promises.</p><p> </p><p>I hope things work with what the tdocs taught you, and that the in-home services help. I guess I could see staying if you still couldn't get the docs and tdocs on board, but you have them now, esp with this in home team. Your other child needs you, your husband needs you, and YOU NEED TO BE AT HOME WITH YOUR SUPPORT SYSTEM.</p><p> </p><p>the docs who work with kids forget that the entire world isn't centered around the kid they are treating. It happens in every single doctor office with just a few exceptions here and there. They may give lip service to you needing to deal with your needs, other kids, the house, work, whatever, but they then give advice and directions that are impossible if you give ANY attention to those other things. I cannot tell you how many times we were told that if we would just do this or that then Wiz wouldn't have problems, but this or that required us to either abuse the other kids, completely ignore/neglect them, or required every moment of every day and needing to work to support the family, etc... would just not be possible if we did what they said. Not for EITHER of us.</p><p> </p><p>There is a theory in business and some other fields of study called system optimization. It says that in order for a system to function at its' best, every part needs to have certain things. If you provide all the resources to any one part, or group of parts, then the rest of the system cannot function at all. Families are systems, even if few docs realize this and what it means. For the household plumbing system to work there has to be water provided to every part. If the water only goes to one faucet or toilet, then the rest of the system doesn't get any. If the incoming water only went to the hot water heater, there would be no way to flush the toilets or even shower because you would be burned. If the water was cool enough to safely shower in, there wouldn't be enough water for any but the shortest of showers for just one person. </p><p> </p><p>If all your energy and time is spent on difficult child, it is no wonder that you are severely stressed and so is the rest of the family. When you left, it was what HAD to be done, just like when a machine breaks down it has to get repaired. But there comes a time when you have to remind yourself and the entire system that every part is important, even the part with the crisis who feels a need to control you.</p><p> </p><p>I hope this makes sense and helps you to feel better about going home and insisting on the changes you need to make. Be SURE to let the in home people do their thing with difficult child. Of course take the time to train them and show them what you want and need, but then go and let them do it. If you worry about safety, look for a cheap nanny cam of some sort, even if you just set up the webcam on a computer in a main area. I am SO THRILLED that you have a respite person in place - in my humble opinion this will do WONDERS for you and husband. You could even go and meet husband somewhere while he took a break of an hour or so from his restaurant while the respite person is there. Or go and do something iwth easy child, just the 2 of you. AND go and do things just for YOU. </p><p> </p><p>Many hugs, lots of support, and so proud of the way you have advocated and worked to help difficult child. You truly ARE a Warrior Mom!!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 404540, member: 1233"] Jen, you are there and in the trenches. Your gut is telling you that it is time to go home so it is the right thing to do. Period. You already know they are not going to provide a psychiatric component in much of any way, so why would you agree to stay there longer? If the problem is her other issues, and they won't work with those, then why [I]would[/I] you stay? Sure, the goal should have been sustained eating from the beginning. If they had just LISTENED to you as you described the other time she started to eat again then they would have done that to begin with. but they were so so sure they knew better and if she just ate 3 meals she owuld be fixed. Yeah. Sure. NOT. in my opinion that doesn't seem logical with any case of food refusal that has gotten so long term as to do the damage to her body that difficult child has. But that is MY experience and colored by having LOTS of "experts" get Wiz to do something in their office or during a 2-3 day psychiatric hospital stay and be so certain that he would go home and be "healed" and as soon as he got home he was back to whatever he had been doing before we took him to them. I guess I qualify as "Ye of little faith" when it ocmes to these easy fix promises. I hope things work with what the tdocs taught you, and that the in-home services help. I guess I could see staying if you still couldn't get the docs and tdocs on board, but you have them now, esp with this in home team. Your other child needs you, your husband needs you, and YOU NEED TO BE AT HOME WITH YOUR SUPPORT SYSTEM. the docs who work with kids forget that the entire world isn't centered around the kid they are treating. It happens in every single doctor office with just a few exceptions here and there. They may give lip service to you needing to deal with your needs, other kids, the house, work, whatever, but they then give advice and directions that are impossible if you give ANY attention to those other things. I cannot tell you how many times we were told that if we would just do this or that then Wiz wouldn't have problems, but this or that required us to either abuse the other kids, completely ignore/neglect them, or required every moment of every day and needing to work to support the family, etc... would just not be possible if we did what they said. Not for EITHER of us. There is a theory in business and some other fields of study called system optimization. It says that in order for a system to function at its' best, every part needs to have certain things. If you provide all the resources to any one part, or group of parts, then the rest of the system cannot function at all. Families are systems, even if few docs realize this and what it means. For the household plumbing system to work there has to be water provided to every part. If the water only goes to one faucet or toilet, then the rest of the system doesn't get any. If the incoming water only went to the hot water heater, there would be no way to flush the toilets or even shower because you would be burned. If the water was cool enough to safely shower in, there wouldn't be enough water for any but the shortest of showers for just one person. If all your energy and time is spent on difficult child, it is no wonder that you are severely stressed and so is the rest of the family. When you left, it was what HAD to be done, just like when a machine breaks down it has to get repaired. But there comes a time when you have to remind yourself and the entire system that every part is important, even the part with the crisis who feels a need to control you. I hope this makes sense and helps you to feel better about going home and insisting on the changes you need to make. Be SURE to let the in home people do their thing with difficult child. Of course take the time to train them and show them what you want and need, but then go and let them do it. If you worry about safety, look for a cheap nanny cam of some sort, even if you just set up the webcam on a computer in a main area. I am SO THRILLED that you have a respite person in place - in my humble opinion this will do WONDERS for you and husband. You could even go and meet husband somewhere while he took a break of an hour or so from his restaurant while the respite person is there. Or go and do something iwth easy child, just the 2 of you. AND go and do things just for YOU. Many hugs, lots of support, and so proud of the way you have advocated and worked to help difficult child. You truly ARE a Warrior Mom!!! [/QUOTE]
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