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Toughest month of my life.
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<blockquote data-quote="gsingjane" data-source="post: 583649" data-attributes="member: 15986"><p>Welcome Mintana from someone who arrived here about a week before you did!</p><p></p><p>The people here have wonderful input and advice and they've all walked in our shoes... listen to them... even just posting can really help you clarify things in your own mind.</p><p></p><p>My husband and I were just talking about this exact issue today, which is - there are kids who operate within the bounds of "normal" (and "normal" is a big category) and then there are kids, like ours, who aren't. It's true that young adults make money mistakes all the time. My older daughter, who is otherwise level-headed, intelligent, and a terrific human being, foolishly spent every nickel that she earned last summer during her first semester of college, and turned up at Christmas with no spending money and very, very ashamed of herself. She was even afraid to tell me, and we're joined at the hip! However... she then got herself a much better work-study job, and cut her spending, and I don't feel bad about slipping her a twenty when I see her. The point is, she didn't make up things that she needed legit money for, she didn't steal from us, she didn't take out loans she had no intention of paying back - like my difficult child and your daughter. That is what separates normal from not normal. Everybody makes mistakes, and young people making mistakes about handling money is particularly common but... it's the aftermath that makes the difference.</p><p></p><p>I have decided that our difficult child is, in essence, a sociopathic parasite, who would see husband and me and all our other kids in the gutter before he'd stop trying to victimize us. People who lie and manipulate, the way our kids do, always see themselves as the victim, no matter how awful they are to other people (especially the ones who try and love and help them, like you). If it were me, if you want to see your daughter or talk to her before you go ... go with God. If that's what it takes to make you feel like you've done the right thing here, go ahead and do it. But keep your hand on your wallet at all times. I'm sorry to sound so cynical and callous, but after more than 10 years and close to six figures in money stolen, that's where I'm at with my difficult child.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="gsingjane, post: 583649, member: 15986"] Welcome Mintana from someone who arrived here about a week before you did! The people here have wonderful input and advice and they've all walked in our shoes... listen to them... even just posting can really help you clarify things in your own mind. My husband and I were just talking about this exact issue today, which is - there are kids who operate within the bounds of "normal" (and "normal" is a big category) and then there are kids, like ours, who aren't. It's true that young adults make money mistakes all the time. My older daughter, who is otherwise level-headed, intelligent, and a terrific human being, foolishly spent every nickel that she earned last summer during her first semester of college, and turned up at Christmas with no spending money and very, very ashamed of herself. She was even afraid to tell me, and we're joined at the hip! However... she then got herself a much better work-study job, and cut her spending, and I don't feel bad about slipping her a twenty when I see her. The point is, she didn't make up things that she needed legit money for, she didn't steal from us, she didn't take out loans she had no intention of paying back - like my difficult child and your daughter. That is what separates normal from not normal. Everybody makes mistakes, and young people making mistakes about handling money is particularly common but... it's the aftermath that makes the difference. I have decided that our difficult child is, in essence, a sociopathic parasite, who would see husband and me and all our other kids in the gutter before he'd stop trying to victimize us. People who lie and manipulate, the way our kids do, always see themselves as the victim, no matter how awful they are to other people (especially the ones who try and love and help them, like you). If it were me, if you want to see your daughter or talk to her before you go ... go with God. If that's what it takes to make you feel like you've done the right thing here, go ahead and do it. But keep your hand on your wallet at all times. I'm sorry to sound so cynical and callous, but after more than 10 years and close to six figures in money stolen, that's where I'm at with my difficult child. [/QUOTE]
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