Tragic loss

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by isabel, Jun 30, 2007.

  1. isabel

    isabel New Member

    My nephew, 18, took his life in the early morning hours of last Saturday. He had problems for years and was unable to come to terms with his demons. There was some intervention over the last few years, but...not enough. My family, my brother, is beyond devastation. There are no words...just a hole in the heart.

    He asked me two years ago if he could come live with me, have a fresh start. He promised me that he would "be good". I agonized over whether I should let him come to my home or not. In the end I told him no, I couldn't, not with my difficult child so unstable. This will be one of my greatest and most heartbreaking regrets. I know that it might not have changed a thing, but at least I would have tried. I know I let him down and now he's gone. He was a sweet, loving child and young adult and we are having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that he is gone.
  2. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Ahh, Izzy - I'm so sorry for your loss. Am sending prayers for your brother & your entire family.
  3. wakeupcall

    wakeupcall Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry, isabel. My thoughts and prayers are with you. This is a difficult time for all of you. The pain is great.
  4. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member


    I'm so sorry for the loss of your nephew. Please don't berate yourself or feel guilty that you were unable to take him in a couple years ago. You had your hands full with your little difficult child. He understands. He knows you loved him.

    Lots of hugs.

  5. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    You will go through a period of time that you will blame yourself; it is the "negotiation" stage of grieving. (if only I had done this or that, maybe this would not have happened). But know that it is not your fault.

    May God comfort you and your family in your time of grief. I am so sorry for your hurt.
  6. slsh

    slsh member since 1999


    I'm so very sorry. Many gentle hugs to you, and healing thoughts for your family. Such a huge loss.

    Please be kind to yourself.
  7. jannie

    jannie trying to survive....

    I am sorry for your is sad and tragic...sending hugs to you and your family.
  8. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member

    Awww Izzy,

    Im so sorry. Many prayers going up to your family from all of us.

    Soft hugs, Janet, Tony, Billy, Jamie, Billie, Cory, Keyana.
  9. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Isabel, you are right. There are no words for a tragedy such as this. I'm so terribly sorry.

  10. Marcie Mac

    Marcie Mac Just Plain Ole Tired

    So sorry Izzie for the loss of your nephew. So very tragic

  11. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    <span style='font-size: 11pt'>My heart breaks for you,isabel. I hate what this disease does to families. I'm so sorry for your loss. I know there are a lot of what if's that you and everyone who loved him carry. I don't think anyone can take those away but they aren't accurate. Everyone tried the best they knew. You were just treading water with your difficult child. You couldn't take on the weight of another without the whole thing sinking.
    Gentle hugs. </span>
  12. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It


    My heart aches for you. I am so sorry for your loss. I pray that in time you will be able to remember the happier times. There are no words, you are right. Please know that I am praying for you.

    You did not let him down. In time I hope you come to see this. You had to take care of your difficult child, and he has needed so much. He knows that you love him, he understands. He is safe with God.

  13. kris

    kris New Member

    <span style='font-size: 11pt'> <span style='font-family: Georgia'> <span style="color: #003300"> my dear friend. my heart breaks for you & with you.

    </span> </span> </span>
  14. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member

    so very sorry. Don't beat yourself up over the decision not to have him in your home. You did what you thought was best for your child and you were probably right.
  15. judi

    judi Active Member

    Isabel - I am so sorry for your loss. How terribly tragic. You must know that you could not help him. We must all know that we do what we can for these kids.
  16. Sheila

    Sheila Moderator

    I'm so very sorry. What an awful tragedy.

    It's the illness, Isabel. It didn't have anything to do with what you did or didn't do.
  17. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    Thinking of you and your deepest sympathies.....
  18. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry for your loss.
  19. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I am so sorry for your loss. Please don't blame yourself. It was beyond your control. Sending gentle hugs and prayers your way.
  20. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry for your loss. Sending good thoughts out to you and your family at this horrible time.