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Train wreck in slow motion
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<blockquote data-quote="katya02" data-source="post: 376688" data-attributes="member: 2884"><p>Just when things look bad enough .... girlfriend came over this afternoon and we had a chance for some talk. She told me that difficult child 1 is drinking again. Arrrggghhhh! I checked his bank account online (I don't 'creep' on it, but I'm still technically on his account so can see it if I want to) and there are debit purchases at Wine and Spirits, plus other cash withdrawals on a suspiciously regular basis. He pays for absolutely everything normally by debit, so the cash isn't just for daily expenses. She said he was very drunk two weekends ago and last weekend bought a prepared mix and wasn't as drunk but still drank. And he gets either very depressed and weepy, or yells a lot when drunk. I asked if he was hitting her or being violent in any way and she said no; that he yells and then goes and passes out on the bed. Her mother is also giving him some of her vicodin for the back pain he gets from his job. Another aaaghhh! The guy can't use that stuff, not even a little bit. girlfriend just doesn't get it that he's an alcoholic/addict - I don't know what her definition is, or maybe she's in denial. </p><p></p><p>However, she's afraid of them getting a place together and then him really going to town on the drink, afraid that if she leaves the baby with him on weekends when she works that he'll drink, etc. Completely valid concerns. Her account of some of the issues difficult child 1 complains about is quite different, too. She says her mother will probably go to Florida but is worried about her. She wants to stay right where she is, or to get an apartment in her name - obviously so that if things go downhill she won't be the one on the street. I don't blame her a bit, at least about the name on the lease. We talked about the current apartment and she isn't realistic - thinks it needs to be cleaned up 'a bit' and says she would take the animals to the shelter but is adamant about keeping the one cat. She says she will get him neutered. I don't know if she's serious or just saying what she figures I want to hear. I expressed my concerns about the current place and my support for getting moved in somewhere fresh, and told her that if her mother leaves (please!), we will be here to offer emotional and moral support and help when needed, and we will not be taking the attitude that our son can do no wrong. He has to do the right thing; if he's choosing to drink or use or be abusive, he won't be getting any support from us. We will encourage him to do the right thing and fulfill his responsibilities. I also told her that it's ok to draw a line about his drinking, and tell him what she will and won't accept. She shouldn't put the baby at risk with him any more than with her mother. </p><p></p><p>I hate it, hate it, hate it when difficult child 1 lies to us. I guess I should just expect that, when he's hard to reach, unusually grouchy, or very negative about other people, something is up.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="katya02, post: 376688, member: 2884"] Just when things look bad enough .... girlfriend came over this afternoon and we had a chance for some talk. She told me that difficult child 1 is drinking again. Arrrggghhhh! I checked his bank account online (I don't 'creep' on it, but I'm still technically on his account so can see it if I want to) and there are debit purchases at Wine and Spirits, plus other cash withdrawals on a suspiciously regular basis. He pays for absolutely everything normally by debit, so the cash isn't just for daily expenses. She said he was very drunk two weekends ago and last weekend bought a prepared mix and wasn't as drunk but still drank. And he gets either very depressed and weepy, or yells a lot when drunk. I asked if he was hitting her or being violent in any way and she said no; that he yells and then goes and passes out on the bed. Her mother is also giving him some of her vicodin for the back pain he gets from his job. Another aaaghhh! The guy can't use that stuff, not even a little bit. girlfriend just doesn't get it that he's an alcoholic/addict - I don't know what her definition is, or maybe she's in denial. However, she's afraid of them getting a place together and then him really going to town on the drink, afraid that if she leaves the baby with him on weekends when she works that he'll drink, etc. Completely valid concerns. Her account of some of the issues difficult child 1 complains about is quite different, too. She says her mother will probably go to Florida but is worried about her. She wants to stay right where she is, or to get an apartment in her name - obviously so that if things go downhill she won't be the one on the street. I don't blame her a bit, at least about the name on the lease. We talked about the current apartment and she isn't realistic - thinks it needs to be cleaned up 'a bit' and says she would take the animals to the shelter but is adamant about keeping the one cat. She says she will get him neutered. I don't know if she's serious or just saying what she figures I want to hear. I expressed my concerns about the current place and my support for getting moved in somewhere fresh, and told her that if her mother leaves (please!), we will be here to offer emotional and moral support and help when needed, and we will not be taking the attitude that our son can do no wrong. He has to do the right thing; if he's choosing to drink or use or be abusive, he won't be getting any support from us. We will encourage him to do the right thing and fulfill his responsibilities. I also told her that it's ok to draw a line about his drinking, and tell him what she will and won't accept. She shouldn't put the baby at risk with him any more than with her mother. I hate it, hate it, hate it when difficult child 1 lies to us. I guess I should just expect that, when he's hard to reach, unusually grouchy, or very negative about other people, something is up. [/QUOTE]
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