transitioning difficult child

[Jena]

hi,

so now that the 'drama' of the holidays is over it's onto transitioning difficult child into mom working again.

I have just found out the odds are for my first few weeks i'll be doing 9 to 5. once my cases have been assigned i'll be able to create my own schedule within reason, according to my families needs.

it will take time to get adjusted for all. My thoughts are not to tell difficult child right now about me working 9 to 5, and also fact she'll either be with sitter, or boyfriend on certain days (those will be the easiest for her i'm sure) she'll be with the other kids and her mind will be busy.

yet i have to tell her, question is when to minimize her anxiety and keep that manic/depressive stuff at bay.

I am talking about my new job a little, she sees me re organizing my clothes, closet for work stuff. i have to begin tmrw working on who will bring her to school daily for the first few weeks, and who will handle afternoons on 3 days boyfriend isn't home.

this is going to be a huge huge change for her, i will not lie i am very nervous about it. I cannot have her slide down again after getting her here.

any thoughts, has anyone else had to do this at all? last time I did this, was after summer and I went back full time and she returned to school. she was a mess, totally.

 

[Andy]

I don't know! Hmmm how much notice is best for her? She needs time to process it but not too much.

Maybe start by teaching her how you will get to and from work. Once she is comfortable with how you will be traveling, let her know where she will be while you travel - who will be watching her. Maybe talk about things that she will be doing while you are at work and she is not at school. A special activity set aside just for those times? Each day she can create a picture story of her day? An art project to work on? ect. Then once she is comfortable with where you will be and what she will be doing, then break the news of the the length of time before you get home after school.

Each day talk about only one thing (maybe review the previous days topics) so that she has time to process. So, start soon?

Good luck!

 

[Jena]

I like the idea of having her do a picture story thing, that's cute. Very cute and inventive actually. Not sure if it'll happen, whomever has her will have a very very hard time with her and hw. When we did this last year at my old job boyfriend got nowhere with her and the hw at all. Hes also giong to have to fill in on play practice days and sit and wait for her, and than we have to enlist and older kid to watch the two little ones at home. Yes this is going to be fun.

thanks. i'Tourette's Syndrome hard with her, if i tell her now or begin to she will obsess it's what she does. I think i cannot avoid the anxiety level increasing no matter how safe i play it. I am her security blanket, hands down.

 

[wakeupcall]

Jennifer, my difficult child is the same way and I only work parttime. He is 13. Just the idea of me going to work sends him into a tailspin, yet I see him onto the bus and I'm home within 30 min of his arrival back home. Over the years I have managed to convince my multiple bosses that I can't get to work till difficult child is off to school and I must return home when he gets home. I don't understand why difficult child gets so wrung out over it, especially at the age of 13. Good luck, I know how difficult it is!

 

[Jena]

i like the pink cell phone, wow tha'Tourette's Syndrome cute!! Thanks and yes it is hard, i'm glad you were able to convince your bossess that difficult child has to come first as far as arrival and leaving sort of thing. it's not easy to find companies with whom understand and are willing to make allowances for us. especially these days.

 

[ML]

I can understand your concern. Manster is very much like your difficult child in this regard. I think talking about it a few days ahead of time from different angles. Perhaps tell her your nervous about working and see if she doesn't maybe try to reassure *you* it will be ok. No doubt about it, it will be a huge transition but in the end it will be good for both of you. It's time for her to learn some new strategies for coping that are apart from you. I think this will be a great opportunity for growth here. I will have you in my prayers. Love, ML

 

[TerryJ2]

Hmm. I'm ambivalent about telling her you're nervous. Not sure how she would react to that. Would it make her feel responsible? Or would it make her nervous? I would think a calm, matter-of-fact style would work best. But that's only because I'm coming from the point of view of my own kids, not yours. They are very different.
Gosh, wish I had some good advice! I'm sending calmness and strength.

 

[Jena]

thanks, I think for difficult child calm is best also. I think this can be a really good thing if it's handled the right way. It will teach her some independence, and also test the waters on her newfound stability to some extent. I can imagine the unsurity of it all and me not being right there will leave us wiht some all nighters and heightened anxiety.

Yet I think it'll be good for her to know that hey it's ok if Mom isnt' right here, and look your still ok.

it's just going to be rough only because we have this silly play thing this mos as well for her. i think jan. is just going to be a challenging mos anyway i switch it up. if i can get her thru to feb. wihtout any major dips i think i'll be in the clear.

plus, one of the main benefits of this job is that i can make my own schedule to an extent and work it around her school sched. yet i just learned they have a huge break coming up in feb. at some point lol.