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Tres stupid...vent
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<blockquote data-quote="Giulia" data-source="post: 520053" data-attributes="member: 14306"><p>Thank you <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p><p></p><p>What I can say is at mom's home, the rule of thumb is : do you best (behavior, work), no matter the result. </p><p>If you fail despite having done your best, it's ok because at least, you tried. </p><p>If you take more time to get your independence and live the nest, be it. </p><p>The more I get pressure to reach a result, the most probable I will crash for the whole effort (and even being physically sick like a month and a half in bed for a viral pericarditis coupled with a strep throat). </p><p>It explains the reason of our home rule of thumb : "do your best, it's the most important". </p><p></p><p>We have also other essential rules like no stealing (I can even feel guilty when she gives me something I feel that I don't deserve. I felt ashamed when she offered me the iphone for my Xmas and birthday present, because I felt like stealing. She was determined and told me that the hard work with the law made me deserving it twice. It was hard for me to accept), no lying (and I'm not a good liar at all), no hitting. These are also the rules to be able to live with her. </p><p></p><p>For the cleaning up after, do your best (it can happen I forget). </p><p>For the screaming, it happens also not only because I have no sound return with only one ear (I wish I could), but if you couple with ADHD when off medications, it can be bouncy screaming without raging (I don't hear myself as screaming, but as speaking normally). So mom understood that she can't manage the screaming as if I did it for the purpose, and it's not "to make her own life a misery". </p><p>I may not always hear my mobile ringing when I am in the street. Not because I ignore her for the purpose, but because I really can't hear it. It also happens that I hear my mobile, but I didn't make it to take the call because I can't localize my mobile phone ringing (I hear the sound, but I don't find where does darn the sound comes from). </p><p></p><p>To summarize, she had to pick her battles too, because she knows that some expectations can't always be met or not met at all. </p><p>She had to also adjust to her expectations, and to find a way to meet her expectations without meeting them. Sounds tricky, huh ? To give you the example with the mobile I can't hear, hearing aid or not, the rule is as soon as I get my mobile between hands and I see she has called, I have to call her back or send to her a SMS. </p><p></p><p>I also tend to believe that picking up the battles helps to see what is realistic to expect from your difficult child and what it is not. It saves energy and sanity. </p><p>Mom and I learnt it the harsh way. If what we learnt can help others, why not ?</p><p></p><p></p><p>As we tend to go off topic, I wish to ask a moderator if I can write a topic-assignment about prioritizing the issues and adjusting expectations (these actions go hand by hand). </p><p>I strongly feel that it can save some persons' sanity here, and avoid many dramas. In a few words, to help make life easier for everyone.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Giulia, post: 520053, member: 14306"] Thank you :) What I can say is at mom's home, the rule of thumb is : do you best (behavior, work), no matter the result. If you fail despite having done your best, it's ok because at least, you tried. If you take more time to get your independence and live the nest, be it. The more I get pressure to reach a result, the most probable I will crash for the whole effort (and even being physically sick like a month and a half in bed for a viral pericarditis coupled with a strep throat). It explains the reason of our home rule of thumb : "do your best, it's the most important". We have also other essential rules like no stealing (I can even feel guilty when she gives me something I feel that I don't deserve. I felt ashamed when she offered me the iphone for my Xmas and birthday present, because I felt like stealing. She was determined and told me that the hard work with the law made me deserving it twice. It was hard for me to accept), no lying (and I'm not a good liar at all), no hitting. These are also the rules to be able to live with her. For the cleaning up after, do your best (it can happen I forget). For the screaming, it happens also not only because I have no sound return with only one ear (I wish I could), but if you couple with ADHD when off medications, it can be bouncy screaming without raging (I don't hear myself as screaming, but as speaking normally). So mom understood that she can't manage the screaming as if I did it for the purpose, and it's not "to make her own life a misery". I may not always hear my mobile ringing when I am in the street. Not because I ignore her for the purpose, but because I really can't hear it. It also happens that I hear my mobile, but I didn't make it to take the call because I can't localize my mobile phone ringing (I hear the sound, but I don't find where does darn the sound comes from). To summarize, she had to pick her battles too, because she knows that some expectations can't always be met or not met at all. She had to also adjust to her expectations, and to find a way to meet her expectations without meeting them. Sounds tricky, huh ? To give you the example with the mobile I can't hear, hearing aid or not, the rule is as soon as I get my mobile between hands and I see she has called, I have to call her back or send to her a SMS. I also tend to believe that picking up the battles helps to see what is realistic to expect from your difficult child and what it is not. It saves energy and sanity. Mom and I learnt it the harsh way. If what we learnt can help others, why not ? As we tend to go off topic, I wish to ask a moderator if I can write a topic-assignment about prioritizing the issues and adjusting expectations (these actions go hand by hand). I strongly feel that it can save some persons' sanity here, and avoid many dramas. In a few words, to help make life easier for everyone. [/QUOTE]
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