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<blockquote data-quote="exhausted" data-source="post: 421580" data-attributes="member: 11001"><p>You have your hands full. I'm so sorry about your husband, this makes difficult kids so hard to bear. Mine worked all the time and often opposite of me, nights when I was days, when I was raising our older son,now 23, and also ADHD. He was a handful especially after a full day of teaching emotionally disturbed kids. I had little opportunity for breaks as I took him with me to the school where I taught, so his 1 or 2 friends lived far away and so did relatives....I get it,the exhaustion. My husband was not oppositional but, just so easy going and he didn't really buy into the whole psychiatric. thing. Counseling did and does help us. I recommend taking him with you to your session where your counselor knows you and can advocate for you with him. (Sometimes a third party can reason with our husbands and kids better than we can). We have been married 25 years and, it has been work to stay together because both of our kids have been a lot of work at different stages. I won the medication battle because my husband saw how it helped our boy to be successful in school. Our son was able to get through high school without it because we started early and he learned some good coping skills. Also made friends because he wasn't so odd on his medications-quiet yes.</p><p> </p><p>Might I share a strategy I used with my son years ago when he was little? We had a jar called the"Sure I Will Jar". I kept a roll of nickles around (you might need dimes or quarters now??). Every time I asked him to do something and his response was "Sure I will", he got to put a nickle in. He could then use the money on a Saturday (you pick the time that works for you). I know that doing this may have issues for some people (Isn't it bribery? Should we reward like this? etc....), however it worked like a charm. He went from initial responses of no (about 100% at the beginning) to almost always saying sure I will in a pretty short time. We started when he was 4 years old and faded it out. From time to time we brought it back as needed. I still joke with him-"Do we need the sure I will jar?" He has fond memories about what he got to do with the money. He even was a saver to my surprize, I couldn't believe he had delay of gratification. Once he took me out for a hamburger-I'll never forget how proud of that he was. He loved using a little change machine to put his money in rolls and going to the bank to get "paper money". I got the idea from a class I took on teaching tough kids at our local university. I've never regretted it and I believe it helped my son stop and think before he belted out his usual nonthoughtful negation. Oh and decorating the jar and making it a big deal helped as well. We kept it up high because there were the times when he would forget and say "no", then change his mind and expect me to give him a nickle-a bit of a fit a few times-thought he might break the jar. ( You may have to warn your boy he will lose money for throwing a fit if he is prone to this-we didn't need to,but that is a possibility)</p><p> </p><p>One other God send were Legos, Connects and old electronics we bought at the thrift store (he had a real tool set by age nine)-my son is a mechanic now and I know this helped him keep his busy mind working. Our boy also found peace (though there was no peace in the house) with a drum set. He beat that thing to death. Now has a band he's played with since early high school. Just some ideas.</p><p>Hugs and take care of your self.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="exhausted, post: 421580, member: 11001"] You have your hands full. I'm so sorry about your husband, this makes difficult kids so hard to bear. Mine worked all the time and often opposite of me, nights when I was days, when I was raising our older son,now 23, and also ADHD. He was a handful especially after a full day of teaching emotionally disturbed kids. I had little opportunity for breaks as I took him with me to the school where I taught, so his 1 or 2 friends lived far away and so did relatives....I get it,the exhaustion. My husband was not oppositional but, just so easy going and he didn't really buy into the whole psychiatric. thing. Counseling did and does help us. I recommend taking him with you to your session where your counselor knows you and can advocate for you with him. (Sometimes a third party can reason with our husbands and kids better than we can). We have been married 25 years and, it has been work to stay together because both of our kids have been a lot of work at different stages. I won the medication battle because my husband saw how it helped our boy to be successful in school. Our son was able to get through high school without it because we started early and he learned some good coping skills. Also made friends because he wasn't so odd on his medications-quiet yes. Might I share a strategy I used with my son years ago when he was little? We had a jar called the"Sure I Will Jar". I kept a roll of nickles around (you might need dimes or quarters now??). Every time I asked him to do something and his response was "Sure I will", he got to put a nickle in. He could then use the money on a Saturday (you pick the time that works for you). I know that doing this may have issues for some people (Isn't it bribery? Should we reward like this? etc....), however it worked like a charm. He went from initial responses of no (about 100% at the beginning) to almost always saying sure I will in a pretty short time. We started when he was 4 years old and faded it out. From time to time we brought it back as needed. I still joke with him-"Do we need the sure I will jar?" He has fond memories about what he got to do with the money. He even was a saver to my surprize, I couldn't believe he had delay of gratification. Once he took me out for a hamburger-I'll never forget how proud of that he was. He loved using a little change machine to put his money in rolls and going to the bank to get "paper money". I got the idea from a class I took on teaching tough kids at our local university. I've never regretted it and I believe it helped my son stop and think before he belted out his usual nonthoughtful negation. Oh and decorating the jar and making it a big deal helped as well. We kept it up high because there were the times when he would forget and say "no", then change his mind and expect me to give him a nickle-a bit of a fit a few times-thought he might break the jar. ( You may have to warn your boy he will lose money for throwing a fit if he is prone to this-we didn't need to,but that is a possibility) One other God send were Legos, Connects and old electronics we bought at the thrift store (he had a real tool set by age nine)-my son is a mechanic now and I know this helped him keep his busy mind working. Our boy also found peace (though there was no peace in the house) with a drum set. He beat that thing to death. Now has a band he's played with since early high school. Just some ideas. Hugs and take care of your self. [/QUOTE]
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