Trouble with my & year old with ADHD...Help!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by klyesgirl98, May 10, 2011.

  1. klyesgirl98

    klyesgirl98 New Member

    Hello all! I am new to this site and new to forums all together
    Hello all! I am new to this site and new to forums all together. My 7 year old son had been diagnosed with ADHD I have had him evaluated twice just for my own peace of mind. My son has SO much trouble at school and it’s starting to break me down. Kindergarten was terrible and now 1st grade has been trouble. I really did not want to put my son on medication but because his school was constantly calling me because he was in trouble I decided it was time. I have him on Focalin XR 10 mg tabs and for the most part they seem to help. However he is still constantly in trouble and now I am noticing he’s more defiant and emotional at home. I am seeing tantrums, disrespecting adults and outbursts. My son was an only child up until 9 months ago so I never have had issues with him at home like school was reporting. Now I am starting to see it at home and I am feeling like I’m losing this uphill battle. I can’t help but get sad and worked up as if I failed as a parent. I know I can not waste time feeling sorry for myself but I feel like I’m constantly losing this battle. My son isn’t sleeping well and he’s getting out of control. I am trying to be patient with him since I know these outbursts are sometimes beyond his control. My son is such a good sweet boy he’s not mean, or ugly he loves me with all his might and of course I feel the same. My son has started to have meltdowns where he will say things like “it’s so hard to be good” or “I’m trying so hard mom I really am” and when I have to get after him for another trip to the principals office he completely breaks down and I can hear him say I don’t love him or care about him when that’s completely untrue. I always reassure him I love him NO MATTER WHAT and that he’s not a bad by just makes bad choices. I can’t help but feel like the school he goes to refuses to be of any help. I feel like they all but forced the idea of medicine on me. Surely my son isn’t the only kid with ADHD there…. Any advice or help would be so great! Thanks for listening.
  2. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Hi, and welcome -
    Sorry you had to find us, glad that at least you did!

    Sounds like there are multiple things going on...
    1) ADHD - but do you know if he's inattentive, or combined, or hyperactive, or...? There are details to an ADHD diagnosis, and the details matter

    2) New baby - which is affecting both you and him. This would be on the "normal" end of things... but still hard to deal with. I'm no expert on kids that far apart (mine are under 2 years apart) - maybe one of the others has ideas on this one.

    3) School was a problem first, then it started showing up at home. Have you seen his school work? How does it compare to others in the class? For example, does he have handwriting issues? trouble reading? etc. ADHD often co-exists with learning disabilities (Learning Disability (LD)), and if he has LDs then he needs additional supports. Handwriting could also be a motor-skills issue - especially if other motor skills are affected (fine skills like scissors, tying shoes; gross skills like sports, bike, etc.).

    4) I'd put a big red flag around this one:
    Sleep issues are a HUGE problem. They can be the cause of a raft of other problems, and/or the result of a raft of other problems - for example, difficult to cope with stress when tired... OR, difficult to sleep when anxious...
    If sleep problems started around the time he began medications, then maybe that particular medication is affecting sleep.
    New baby doesn't help with sleep, either!

    Somehow, you need to figure out what is happening at school - because school either hasn't figured it out or doesn't want to admit (so they don't have to deal with). Often they like to come across as though the kid will "grow out of it" (most of them don't). It might (probably will) mean changes at home too - but first you have to find the "problem". Don't take the first off-hand answer they give you.

    Meanwhile - who diagnosed the ADHD? If it was just a psychiatrist, then maybe its time to look into a neurypsych or other specialist who can do a more complete evaluation...

  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi and welcome to the board :)

    Who diagnosed him? What sort of doctors? And what kind of tests were he given?

    Did he have any early delays? Any psychiatric problems on either side of the family tree?

    I believe that you are a GREAT parent. You are trying to help him. I also believe that he can't control himself. I think it would benefit both of you, before you let the school bully you into medication (which may not even help) if you take him to a neuropsychologist for a complete evaluation. You will get great feedback and ideas of what is going on with your son...ALL of it...and you'll know more about why your son is unable to control himself. A neuropsychologist evaluation is anywhere from 6-10 hours and covers every issue a child could have. They tend to catch t hings that others miss. You can find them at university and chldren's hospitals.

    Others will come along.
  4. Jena

    Jena New Member


    my stepson has adhd and copes through it because his mother unfortunately does not provide him with therapy or medications so he is constantly getting in trouble at school, highly impulsive says same to me i just can't control myself.

    anyway as sad as that maybe when i have him i always give warnings before an event or any type of transition is occuring, i also give him the schedule of what our time will be like when hes' with us so he knows what comes next. kids like ours respond well with highly structured environments. it's hard in the beginning yet aftera awhile you'll get the hang of it and so will he.

    i have a dry erase board in my kitchen i swear by tha'Tourette's Syndrome where our weekly schedule is for all events even dinner theme nights we do once in a while.

    i give him something called "calm" at night it's a magnesium mix that and his audio books help him to soothe himself and fall asleep. some nights are harder than others yet both of those things does the trick.

    id get him a 504 in school immediately, it'll help him alot to have some provisions and understanding of what he struggles with ona daily basis in school and get the support of his teacher and the rest of the staff at the school.

    id also put him in therapy right away, kids with adhd can learn tools to help them cope through it, self sooth and practice their ability to control their impulses. it isnt' easy as with anything else yet once you get the school on board with provisions and some things at home set up it should get easier.

    id' also use a reward system, my stepson works well on that. i look for times when he's well controlled and i compliment him and i give him zero attention when hes' not in control except for when he hurts another one ofmy kids. which has happened on occassion.

    good luck hang in there it does get easier. getting the first diagnosis is often the hardest. your emotions will be all over the board and many go through stages. youll be upset first, than maybe i denial, than you'll run into being in acceptance mode. be patient with yourself and him.

    ((hugs and welcome again))