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General Parenting
Troubled 13yo from tough background is extremely defiant
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<blockquote data-quote="Allan-Matlem" data-source="post: 457658" data-attributes="member: 10"><p>Hi,</p><p>I previously recommended the <a href="http://livesinthebalance.org" target="_blank">http://livesinthebalance.org</a> site</p><p></p><p>Bonding and trust : </p><p>1 plenty of one on one chatting, general non-emotive stuff , just getting the kid to speak , we listening - want conversation that focuses on perspective taking, how you feel about x, How I feel , my concerns, solutions that everyone can live with</p><p></p><p>2 solving problems - discussion should be around a very specific event or problem in the context of a situation and the concerns of kid and adult. The more specific the better . see the cps model - the empathy stage gathering info from the kid about their concerns - go slow , the need to drill down ( see blog articles on plan B, drilling down ) - I have noticed that sometimes you say , you wish to live with bio mom , what's up ? ...... I can empathy , can you tell me more</p><p>Now when kids want something , it is usually a soltion to a concern , people tend to present concerns in terms of solutions , so try to go back a step to the concerns - could be ... wants to feel understood . Make a list of unsolved problems , get input from both mom and niece</p><p>problem of trust - be specific , when , over what - what are mom's concerns, what are kids concerns , brain storm a relaistic and durable solution , agree to review how the solution is working , go back to the drawing board</p><p></p><p>help niece to have a vision , an idea of her ' possible self ' , what she needs to get there , what positive people in the world could help her get there</p><p></p><p>Allan</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Allan-Matlem, post: 457658, member: 10"] Hi, I previously recommended the [url]http://livesinthebalance.org[/url] site Bonding and trust : 1 plenty of one on one chatting, general non-emotive stuff , just getting the kid to speak , we listening - want conversation that focuses on perspective taking, how you feel about x, How I feel , my concerns, solutions that everyone can live with 2 solving problems - discussion should be around a very specific event or problem in the context of a situation and the concerns of kid and adult. The more specific the better . see the cps model - the empathy stage gathering info from the kid about their concerns - go slow , the need to drill down ( see blog articles on plan B, drilling down ) - I have noticed that sometimes you say , you wish to live with bio mom , what's up ? ...... I can empathy , can you tell me more Now when kids want something , it is usually a soltion to a concern , people tend to present concerns in terms of solutions , so try to go back a step to the concerns - could be ... wants to feel understood . Make a list of unsolved problems , get input from both mom and niece problem of trust - be specific , when , over what - what are mom's concerns, what are kids concerns , brain storm a relaistic and durable solution , agree to review how the solution is working , go back to the drawing board help niece to have a vision , an idea of her ' possible self ' , what she needs to get there , what positive people in the world could help her get there Allan [/QUOTE]
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