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Troubled 13yo from tough background is extremely defiant
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<blockquote data-quote="orcaauntie" data-source="post: 457687" data-attributes="member: 12721"><p>Hi Allan- Thank you so very much. I agree that talking is important. I spoke with Niece for an hour or so yesterday (through online chat) and she told me about how she signed up for cross-country again, and other items that she seemed excited about.. all on her own. I think she may be craving some attention/communication. I definitely think that Mom needs to just sit down with her- talk- see what is going on, what her needs are. Mom says she's only been so defiant beginning with this year or so. So, I assume there's just something going on that has changed her behavior. The new friends I've mentioned before, contributing. Teenage changes being a major factor. </p><p></p><p>I am going to purchase her a copy or two of the Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul books. I loved them when I was a teen. They helped me through many difficult times.. and possibly changed my perspective on some things in life.</p><p></p><p>All- What do you think about a difficult child getting a job? Niece is allowed by state law to begin working when she is 14, so she will not begin a job until 2013. The place she'd work (as long as she got hired) is a small children's theme park that many teens from the town she lives, works at. I worked there when I was a teen. I guess my main question is, do you think it would be better for her to have a job in the summer, or leave town and spend the summer with me (given the knowledge of the situations going on in her hometown with friends, her arguing with my Mom, etc.) </p><p>Curious if you all think that Mom and I saying, if she works at XYZ for the summers she is 14, 15 and 16, she saves her $$, and keeps her grades up, and between what she's saved, Mom and myself will pitch in towards a (used!) car for her. This gives her incentive, something to look forward to, and a sense of responsibility in that she has to save her $$ to get something she wants. </p><p></p><p>Another thing- this has been coming up a lot with her lately- she seems to think that when she turns 13, she can do whatever she wants. "I can have FB when I am 13.", "When I turn 13, I can do whatever I want, so I can go live with my Mom if I want!" </p><p>Ugh.. she turns 13 in less than a week. We don't have much time to prepare! <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="orcaauntie, post: 457687, member: 12721"] Hi Allan- Thank you so very much. I agree that talking is important. I spoke with Niece for an hour or so yesterday (through online chat) and she told me about how she signed up for cross-country again, and other items that she seemed excited about.. all on her own. I think she may be craving some attention/communication. I definitely think that Mom needs to just sit down with her- talk- see what is going on, what her needs are. Mom says she's only been so defiant beginning with this year or so. So, I assume there's just something going on that has changed her behavior. The new friends I've mentioned before, contributing. Teenage changes being a major factor. I am going to purchase her a copy or two of the Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul books. I loved them when I was a teen. They helped me through many difficult times.. and possibly changed my perspective on some things in life. All- What do you think about a difficult child getting a job? Niece is allowed by state law to begin working when she is 14, so she will not begin a job until 2013. The place she'd work (as long as she got hired) is a small children's theme park that many teens from the town she lives, works at. I worked there when I was a teen. I guess my main question is, do you think it would be better for her to have a job in the summer, or leave town and spend the summer with me (given the knowledge of the situations going on in her hometown with friends, her arguing with my Mom, etc.) Curious if you all think that Mom and I saying, if she works at XYZ for the summers she is 14, 15 and 16, she saves her $$, and keeps her grades up, and between what she's saved, Mom and myself will pitch in towards a (used!) car for her. This gives her incentive, something to look forward to, and a sense of responsibility in that she has to save her $$ to get something she wants. Another thing- this has been coming up a lot with her lately- she seems to think that when she turns 13, she can do whatever she wants. "I can have FB when I am 13.", "When I turn 13, I can do whatever I want, so I can go live with my Mom if I want!" Ugh.. she turns 13 in less than a week. We don't have much time to prepare! :) [/QUOTE]
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