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Substance Abuse
Trying not to get caught up in his moods etc.
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 667102" data-attributes="member: 15801"><p>Kathy you are so right.... and that is exactly why I am concerned! The rule he is breaking is around the phone, which apparently is pretty common (according to him). We will see what happens. It does sound like he is following the other rules...and all I know is that it is important for me to stay out of it and let him learn and do this his way. I am trying real hard at this point to be low key in my responses and very supportive of his sucesses and leave it at that.</p><p></p><p>One of the requirements they have for him to use the current housing as sober living is for him to get a sponser. He didnt like that which of course is another red flag.... but in talking to him further the issue for him is not that he doesnt want a sponser but he wants to get someone he can trust and feel comfortable with. Now of course that may be an excuse, but remember he has been through this a million times before.... and so I think he migth be right, it is important for him to find the right sponser.....I do see a change in how he is handling things and that is good. I think he is aware that he needs to do this his way and although I think that is somewhat counter to general wisdom I think he is right. He needs to totally own his recovery. He has done this so many times and I think the only way he is going to own it is if he does it his way.</p><p></p><p>I will also say there are things that I am not hearing this time around. Most of the time I am hearing about how this program is different, that they have bent over backwards for him. I am not hearing the staff is stupid, or even that the rules are stupid or that meetings are stupid. He is going to meetings and when I asked him about them he said he looks forward to when he can choose which meetings he goes to.... he has said that meetings tend to be redundant (true) but he acknowledges that they are helpful. He is an atheist and I know he has always had trouble with the God part... but now he is talking about using your own interpretation of higher power which fo him is more around the community (that is true fo me too). So this is very different from the past where I got the feeling he just didnt like meetings period... not getting any of that this time around.</p><p></p><p>So I am fully aware this is one step at a time.... but in most ways he is still doing this very differently than the past. I have come to the place where this is a step along his journey.... I no longer see this as a one shot time that he will either succeed or fail at. It is all apart of his process and that process is going to be ongoing.....and ongoing for a very long time.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 667102, member: 15801"] Kathy you are so right.... and that is exactly why I am concerned! The rule he is breaking is around the phone, which apparently is pretty common (according to him). We will see what happens. It does sound like he is following the other rules...and all I know is that it is important for me to stay out of it and let him learn and do this his way. I am trying real hard at this point to be low key in my responses and very supportive of his sucesses and leave it at that. One of the requirements they have for him to use the current housing as sober living is for him to get a sponser. He didnt like that which of course is another red flag.... but in talking to him further the issue for him is not that he doesnt want a sponser but he wants to get someone he can trust and feel comfortable with. Now of course that may be an excuse, but remember he has been through this a million times before.... and so I think he migth be right, it is important for him to find the right sponser.....I do see a change in how he is handling things and that is good. I think he is aware that he needs to do this his way and although I think that is somewhat counter to general wisdom I think he is right. He needs to totally own his recovery. He has done this so many times and I think the only way he is going to own it is if he does it his way. I will also say there are things that I am not hearing this time around. Most of the time I am hearing about how this program is different, that they have bent over backwards for him. I am not hearing the staff is stupid, or even that the rules are stupid or that meetings are stupid. He is going to meetings and when I asked him about them he said he looks forward to when he can choose which meetings he goes to.... he has said that meetings tend to be redundant (true) but he acknowledges that they are helpful. He is an atheist and I know he has always had trouble with the God part... but now he is talking about using your own interpretation of higher power which fo him is more around the community (that is true fo me too). So this is very different from the past where I got the feeling he just didnt like meetings period... not getting any of that this time around. So I am fully aware this is one step at a time.... but in most ways he is still doing this very differently than the past. I have come to the place where this is a step along his journey.... I no longer see this as a one shot time that he will either succeed or fail at. It is all apart of his process and that process is going to be ongoing.....and ongoing for a very long time. [/QUOTE]
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