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trying to get her to see her obsessive ways
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 118856" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Hi and welcome to the board. </p><p></p><p>WoW - what a web! The first thing I think you need to do if possible is realize how lucky you are to have your health, girls, and while it's not the best roof - a roof over your heads. </p><p>Sometimes I think when everything feels like it's going in the toilet - we tend to overlook that fact that we do HAVE somethings to work with. </p><p></p><p>That being said - and take it from someone who knows - You need a friend. To have a friend you have to be a friend and right now - you have SO many worries on your plate - I would venture to say you don't even feel like you're good company for yourself. By friend I mean Not a man, not a buddy- a friend. From what I read in your post - YOU are killing yourself trying to make EVERYTHING in your life fit into the round hole with square pegs. Accept first that your life is what it is. My idea and the picture of what I WANTED in life were totally different that what I HAD - and the harder I tried to cut/whittle/and form everyone into the mold I thought they needed to be in - the harder and longer my days became. And in order to stop it - you need some help. Not the friend - a therapist. Mental health offices are in every county. They take you on a sliding scale fee, and some visits are only $3/week. WHen I got to where you were? I went to see a therapist. I had NO money - I had NO life - and my x was doing drugs, sleeping around and beating me. You CAN do it - you just have to want the help more than you want trying to make your perceptions of life - fit. </p><p></p><p>I'm not saying this to you at all to be mean. But once I started working on MYSELF - it became easier to see that I COULD leave an abusive relationship with a child, I COULD plan with a local womens shelter how to get on my own, I COULD access public welfare system for a temporary while to get housing and clothes, and things myself and my son needed. Basically - I learned how to live below my dreams but above the abuse and chaos. It took time, but in three years - without a DIME to my name when I left - I managed to buy a house, keep a second hand vehicle - pay off my x's debts - and pay for my own divorce. ALL while trying to get my out of control kid some help and keep my nose above water. I never had anyone send me or offer me a dime. (Just so you know) </p><p></p><p>I think your life is spiraling out of control. If you are living with a man that wants to date other women - let him. Move into the bedroom with your girls - sleep on the couch. He's going to do what he wants to do irregardless of how it makes you feel, and apparently you are so enmeshed you can't see that the situation you and your girls are in is only adding to the problem. If he wants to be room mates - let it be. YOU have so many other things to concentrate on right now. You need a way to get on your own. You need to KNOW that you CAN DO THIS without a boyfriend. Your daughter needs help - NOW. Not when she flips out again in school. BUT school can be a place to start getting some recommendations for help. And some answers. </p><p></p><p>I know the kind of tired you are. I know that there are days when you need to just scream - so do it. Get a pillow, shut the door and scream into the pillow. You need some support and you need to know that YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!!!!!!!!! You may not have the life you picture in your mind (mine didn't seem unrealistic until I started to see everyone for what they were, myself included) and instead of settling - I made myself goals. Short attainable goals. I got in therapy, I learned how to de-stress, and become a better parent. I learned how to stand up to people and say NO I don't think you are going to do that to me anymore, and MEAN IT. It was not easy - and for a while for extra therapy I cleaned the office of my psychiatrist on my lunch hour from work. It wasn't what I was promised when I got married, and it certainly wasn't what I had in mind - for my life. Tough to swallow - but do-able. </p><p></p><p>I think you sound like a good hearted person. I think by coming here and seeking out help you are a smart person who cares about your kids. I wish you knew how close you are to doing all of what you need to do on your own. I dont' even know you and I believe you can. </p><p></p><p>Keep coming back here to the board - it's great support. Lots of seasoned warrior moms, lots of divorced people, lot's of people who think in 1,000 different ways - one of us is bound to reach out and make you feel welcome. Some of us can make you think, some of us can make you realize things, some of us can make you laugh. All of us will give you a hug when you need to cry or vent. </p><p></p><p>Today is the first day of the rest of your life - what do you want to do with your life? </p><p></p><p>Many hugs -</p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 118856, member: 4964"] Hi and welcome to the board. WoW - what a web! The first thing I think you need to do if possible is realize how lucky you are to have your health, girls, and while it's not the best roof - a roof over your heads. Sometimes I think when everything feels like it's going in the toilet - we tend to overlook that fact that we do HAVE somethings to work with. That being said - and take it from someone who knows - You need a friend. To have a friend you have to be a friend and right now - you have SO many worries on your plate - I would venture to say you don't even feel like you're good company for yourself. By friend I mean Not a man, not a buddy- a friend. From what I read in your post - YOU are killing yourself trying to make EVERYTHING in your life fit into the round hole with square pegs. Accept first that your life is what it is. My idea and the picture of what I WANTED in life were totally different that what I HAD - and the harder I tried to cut/whittle/and form everyone into the mold I thought they needed to be in - the harder and longer my days became. And in order to stop it - you need some help. Not the friend - a therapist. Mental health offices are in every county. They take you on a sliding scale fee, and some visits are only $3/week. WHen I got to where you were? I went to see a therapist. I had NO money - I had NO life - and my x was doing drugs, sleeping around and beating me. You CAN do it - you just have to want the help more than you want trying to make your perceptions of life - fit. I'm not saying this to you at all to be mean. But once I started working on MYSELF - it became easier to see that I COULD leave an abusive relationship with a child, I COULD plan with a local womens shelter how to get on my own, I COULD access public welfare system for a temporary while to get housing and clothes, and things myself and my son needed. Basically - I learned how to live below my dreams but above the abuse and chaos. It took time, but in three years - without a DIME to my name when I left - I managed to buy a house, keep a second hand vehicle - pay off my x's debts - and pay for my own divorce. ALL while trying to get my out of control kid some help and keep my nose above water. I never had anyone send me or offer me a dime. (Just so you know) I think your life is spiraling out of control. If you are living with a man that wants to date other women - let him. Move into the bedroom with your girls - sleep on the couch. He's going to do what he wants to do irregardless of how it makes you feel, and apparently you are so enmeshed you can't see that the situation you and your girls are in is only adding to the problem. If he wants to be room mates - let it be. YOU have so many other things to concentrate on right now. You need a way to get on your own. You need to KNOW that you CAN DO THIS without a boyfriend. Your daughter needs help - NOW. Not when she flips out again in school. BUT school can be a place to start getting some recommendations for help. And some answers. I know the kind of tired you are. I know that there are days when you need to just scream - so do it. Get a pillow, shut the door and scream into the pillow. You need some support and you need to know that YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!!!!!!!!! You may not have the life you picture in your mind (mine didn't seem unrealistic until I started to see everyone for what they were, myself included) and instead of settling - I made myself goals. Short attainable goals. I got in therapy, I learned how to de-stress, and become a better parent. I learned how to stand up to people and say NO I don't think you are going to do that to me anymore, and MEAN IT. It was not easy - and for a while for extra therapy I cleaned the office of my psychiatrist on my lunch hour from work. It wasn't what I was promised when I got married, and it certainly wasn't what I had in mind - for my life. Tough to swallow - but do-able. I think you sound like a good hearted person. I think by coming here and seeking out help you are a smart person who cares about your kids. I wish you knew how close you are to doing all of what you need to do on your own. I dont' even know you and I believe you can. Keep coming back here to the board - it's great support. Lots of seasoned warrior moms, lots of divorced people, lot's of people who think in 1,000 different ways - one of us is bound to reach out and make you feel welcome. Some of us can make you think, some of us can make you realize things, some of us can make you laugh. All of us will give you a hug when you need to cry or vent. Today is the first day of the rest of your life - what do you want to do with your life? Many hugs - Star [/QUOTE]
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