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trying to get her to see her obsessive ways
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 118929" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Jennifer, </p><p></p><p>Some times peg pushers recognize each other! lol. At one point in my life if I would have thought carving the family with a chain saw to get them to FIT into MY molds would have worked I would have gotten safety glasses and a log splitter! </p><p></p><p>You ARE very wise to NOT marry this man. Not him or ANY OTHER man until you can wake up in the morning, look at yourself in the mirror and say "Star, you des....I mean Jennifer YOU deserve the best, you deserve to be cherished, you deserve friends and acquaintences around you that will not lie, have your best interest at heart and the courage and wisdom to know the difference.' KNOWING and educating yourself (and I'll tell you why I concentrate on you) is the most important thing. </p><p></p><p>I believe you when you say you are doing your best, the best you can, and as far as anyone telling you you're spiraling out of control well DANG girl what do they want from you? Eesh! </p><p>And you smoke? Big fat hairy deal - you have other stress right now that is going to kill you quicker if you don't get some real help - but coming here - and smoking while you type IS LARGELY therapeutic. I stopped smoking - AFTER my son went in his 3rd or 4th Residential Treatment Center (RTC) - I just wanted to be around for him because I felt like I was ALL he had. Honestly - WHO ELSE would have him? (okay there's a lady here lol but not MY family, and I'd never want him to be with my x, and DF was too new to the picture) so that left me - </p><p></p><p>And a lot of times I took being divorced and on my own to mean that I could do it all - heck short of an invisible jet and a golden lasso I WAS wonder woman. And I'll tell you the life span of that super hero is 8.2 years. Then you stroke out, and have an epiphany - realize you can NO LONGER work 3 jobs, go to 3 counseling sessions, pay the bills, wash the laundry, bury a son, loose my father, feed the dog, get your kids to school, pick them up, deal with daycare, then take care of you DF who had an accident and became disabled.....so I gave up 1 job. And still was cleaning house, making breakfast, lunch diner -and all on about 4 hours sleep a day. I never got sick - I never had fun - I never did things for me - as that would be SELFISH when my kid needed so much and THEN find out that my x had ran up HUGE CREDIT debt in my name - AFTER we were separated - he got women to pose as me and ran up huge bills, and NEVER paid taxes in 13 years like he told me so the IRS had their hand out for $40k and I passed out in the IRS building. </p><p></p><p>After that - I researched credit repair and met with some experts. I found out how to REALLY budget my money, I mean - when I left my x I took my kid and we lived in a van - a van that was stolen and given to me by X in place of my car - It got more of our stuff out when I left him in a hurry. So - you know - where you are is NOT bad. </p><p></p><p>Tell yourself every day - I am not where I want to be - and I will get there. To have gone through what you already have gone through YOU are an amazing woman. To be able to put yourself on a back burner while you try to get help for your little girl is admirable - but....you need to take care of you because if you don't - who will take care of them? No one is going to go to the lengths you are going through now for them - not really. Only you. And you are strong, independent and working on being more independent, you just need help. </p><p></p><p>If you get to a point where the anxiety is too great - and you are having panic attacks - don't beat yourself up over getting on an anxiety medicine. I took 80 mg. of valium for 6 months - a year....and I hate drugs. But it wasn't taking drugs per se - it was helping me to be able to deal with the present and repair myself for the future. No shame in that ever. </p><p></p><p>As far as your little girl goes - the next time she rages - take her to the ER. They will /can give her a psychiatric evaluation and a caseworker can recommend she be held somewhere for a full pediatrician psychiatric evaluation. SHe has to be a danger to herself or others - hitting sisters, you or an animal counts. And if she IS BiPolar (BP) - then you'll deal with that too. Try posting a separate post from this one and LIST all the symptoms and behaviors you see with your daughter and call the post - something like WHAT WOULD YOU CALL THIS - then ask for suggestions because someone here is BOUND to see a pattern in your kid that they see in their own - and you can read up on it in the archives or on the web - and educate yourself about it. THen you'll be a step ahead for therapy and with the school </p><p></p><p>with-o a psychiatric diagnosis - it's hard to get services at the school - so call the district office and ask them to speak with the dr. in charge of ALL the schools in your area - and tell him/her what's going on and what help he/she can offer you. If that doesn't help - write your local congressmen, or the governor - and don't be quiet any longer - BE THE SQUEEKIEST WHEEL YOU CAN - no one else is going to squeek for your daughter - they'll give you and her the attention in the moment and then she's a file on a desk at the end of the week - And in the mean time - listen to your newest friends (when we say what we say it's because we have been there done that) and get yourself some peace. </p><p></p><p>I think you're doing really good - try the extra post - and see what comes of it - can't hurt. </p><p></p><p>Hugs</p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 118929, member: 4964"] Jennifer, Some times peg pushers recognize each other! lol. At one point in my life if I would have thought carving the family with a chain saw to get them to FIT into MY molds would have worked I would have gotten safety glasses and a log splitter! You ARE very wise to NOT marry this man. Not him or ANY OTHER man until you can wake up in the morning, look at yourself in the mirror and say "Star, you des....I mean Jennifer YOU deserve the best, you deserve to be cherished, you deserve friends and acquaintences around you that will not lie, have your best interest at heart and the courage and wisdom to know the difference.' KNOWING and educating yourself (and I'll tell you why I concentrate on you) is the most important thing. I believe you when you say you are doing your best, the best you can, and as far as anyone telling you you're spiraling out of control well DANG girl what do they want from you? Eesh! And you smoke? Big fat hairy deal - you have other stress right now that is going to kill you quicker if you don't get some real help - but coming here - and smoking while you type IS LARGELY therapeutic. I stopped smoking - AFTER my son went in his 3rd or 4th Residential Treatment Center (RTC) - I just wanted to be around for him because I felt like I was ALL he had. Honestly - WHO ELSE would have him? (okay there's a lady here lol but not MY family, and I'd never want him to be with my x, and DF was too new to the picture) so that left me - And a lot of times I took being divorced and on my own to mean that I could do it all - heck short of an invisible jet and a golden lasso I WAS wonder woman. And I'll tell you the life span of that super hero is 8.2 years. Then you stroke out, and have an epiphany - realize you can NO LONGER work 3 jobs, go to 3 counseling sessions, pay the bills, wash the laundry, bury a son, loose my father, feed the dog, get your kids to school, pick them up, deal with daycare, then take care of you DF who had an accident and became disabled.....so I gave up 1 job. And still was cleaning house, making breakfast, lunch diner -and all on about 4 hours sleep a day. I never got sick - I never had fun - I never did things for me - as that would be SELFISH when my kid needed so much and THEN find out that my x had ran up HUGE CREDIT debt in my name - AFTER we were separated - he got women to pose as me and ran up huge bills, and NEVER paid taxes in 13 years like he told me so the IRS had their hand out for $40k and I passed out in the IRS building. After that - I researched credit repair and met with some experts. I found out how to REALLY budget my money, I mean - when I left my x I took my kid and we lived in a van - a van that was stolen and given to me by X in place of my car - It got more of our stuff out when I left him in a hurry. So - you know - where you are is NOT bad. Tell yourself every day - I am not where I want to be - and I will get there. To have gone through what you already have gone through YOU are an amazing woman. To be able to put yourself on a back burner while you try to get help for your little girl is admirable - but....you need to take care of you because if you don't - who will take care of them? No one is going to go to the lengths you are going through now for them - not really. Only you. And you are strong, independent and working on being more independent, you just need help. If you get to a point where the anxiety is too great - and you are having panic attacks - don't beat yourself up over getting on an anxiety medicine. I took 80 mg. of valium for 6 months - a year....and I hate drugs. But it wasn't taking drugs per se - it was helping me to be able to deal with the present and repair myself for the future. No shame in that ever. As far as your little girl goes - the next time she rages - take her to the ER. They will /can give her a psychiatric evaluation and a caseworker can recommend she be held somewhere for a full pediatrician psychiatric evaluation. SHe has to be a danger to herself or others - hitting sisters, you or an animal counts. And if she IS BiPolar (BP) - then you'll deal with that too. Try posting a separate post from this one and LIST all the symptoms and behaviors you see with your daughter and call the post - something like WHAT WOULD YOU CALL THIS - then ask for suggestions because someone here is BOUND to see a pattern in your kid that they see in their own - and you can read up on it in the archives or on the web - and educate yourself about it. THen you'll be a step ahead for therapy and with the school with-o a psychiatric diagnosis - it's hard to get services at the school - so call the district office and ask them to speak with the dr. in charge of ALL the schools in your area - and tell him/her what's going on and what help he/she can offer you. If that doesn't help - write your local congressmen, or the governor - and don't be quiet any longer - BE THE SQUEEKIEST WHEEL YOU CAN - no one else is going to squeek for your daughter - they'll give you and her the attention in the moment and then she's a file on a desk at the end of the week - And in the mean time - listen to your newest friends (when we say what we say it's because we have been there done that) and get yourself some peace. I think you're doing really good - try the extra post - and see what comes of it - can't hurt. Hugs Star [/QUOTE]
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