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Trying to hang tough with- my toughest Cmas so far
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<blockquote data-quote="Steely" data-source="post: 329020" data-attributes="member: 3301"><p>Yes, these are Matt's choices, for sure. And I am deeply sad he keeps making such stupid ones.</p><p></p><p>It just seems like the consequences are multiplied by the program's dislike of me. They are truly petty and somewhat cruel to me. The no phone call and no presents had no therapeutic reason, they were just annoyed at me because the therapist forgot the family call this week. I called my ed cons, and he called the director. I am sure the therapist got in trouble, and consequently the therapist wanted to "put me in my place". </p><p></p><p>I know this sounds paranoid, but it is truly not. This keeps happening, so I keep sending all the documentation to the ed cons and my parents. They actually concur with me, which for some reason made things almost worse. I would rather be delusional I guess?</p><p></p><p>So the reality is, is this keeps happening because of <em>my </em>choices too. They penalize me because I am an irritant to them, and they want to swat me like a fly - but if I just kept my suggestions to myself, maybe things would be better for me. I don't know. It is hard not to call someone to the carpet when the forget the one phone call a week I have with my kid. Yet I better shut up, and just be numb, or they will continue to punish me. See, it feels like the mafia.</p><p></p><p>Yes, I am OK to go to neighbors house. We are just going to sit on the couch and watch movies. He knows I have mono, but only after he had drank from my cup. haha.</p><p></p><p>I did take the pups to the beach. (No beach in AZ, I know, the beach of the lake I live on rather.) Anyway, they had a blast. They had so much fun all 3 of them, that I have to put that down for my Cmas present. Diesel, not a water dog, actually jumped in the water in joy, where Steely and Chester swam the whole time. It is 32 degrees!!! Now they stink. Oh well. It was fun to watch them run on the beach, they just ran, ran, ran. I wish joys in life could be that simple for people.</p><p></p><p>Oh, I forgot to tell you all that I permanently kicked Xanax in the butt. All the physical withdrawal symptoms are gone, yay. I have said it a million times, but I will say it again, even .25 day like I was taking, causes a very physical dependence. Like nicotine. And stopping it causes your body to do all sorts of wonky things. Bad, bad medication.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Steely, post: 329020, member: 3301"] Yes, these are Matt's choices, for sure. And I am deeply sad he keeps making such stupid ones. It just seems like the consequences are multiplied by the program's dislike of me. They are truly petty and somewhat cruel to me. The no phone call and no presents had no therapeutic reason, they were just annoyed at me because the therapist forgot the family call this week. I called my ed cons, and he called the director. I am sure the therapist got in trouble, and consequently the therapist wanted to "put me in my place". I know this sounds paranoid, but it is truly not. This keeps happening, so I keep sending all the documentation to the ed cons and my parents. They actually concur with me, which for some reason made things almost worse. I would rather be delusional I guess? So the reality is, is this keeps happening because of [I]my [/I]choices too. They penalize me because I am an irritant to them, and they want to swat me like a fly - but if I just kept my suggestions to myself, maybe things would be better for me. I don't know. It is hard not to call someone to the carpet when the forget the one phone call a week I have with my kid. Yet I better shut up, and just be numb, or they will continue to punish me. See, it feels like the mafia. Yes, I am OK to go to neighbors house. We are just going to sit on the couch and watch movies. He knows I have mono, but only after he had drank from my cup. haha. I did take the pups to the beach. (No beach in AZ, I know, the beach of the lake I live on rather.) Anyway, they had a blast. They had so much fun all 3 of them, that I have to put that down for my Cmas present. Diesel, not a water dog, actually jumped in the water in joy, where Steely and Chester swam the whole time. It is 32 degrees!!! Now they stink. Oh well. It was fun to watch them run on the beach, they just ran, ran, ran. I wish joys in life could be that simple for people. Oh, I forgot to tell you all that I permanently kicked Xanax in the butt. All the physical withdrawal symptoms are gone, yay. I have said it a million times, but I will say it again, even .25 day like I was taking, causes a very physical dependence. Like nicotine. And stopping it causes your body to do all sorts of wonky things. Bad, bad medication. [/QUOTE]
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