Colleen:
Sorry this is still going on with your older son and I know you probably don't want to do this but this isn't going to fix itself. If I were you I'd get hubby and sit down with him and start giving him ultimatums. He isn't going to pull out of this thing - whatever it may be.
I know it's hard to do this but I think that you are just prolonging him being the way he is. Not in any way that it's up to YOU to fix it but I know you don't like living like this - been there done that. Your post was the first one I read actually when I joined this site and I have all boys so I immediately identified with you.
I'm no expert trust me. I still stress out over my son and he's now not living at home. It all just sucks. But at least my son is doing something now which is a 100% turnaround from where he was. I had to charter new waters to make this happen and it was so hard.
