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Trying to make sense of todays blow up
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<blockquote data-quote="eekysign" data-source="post: 275494" data-attributes="member: 6479"><p>Sounds exactly like Sis at that age. If she was disappointed or frustrated, and you made a comment about the situation, she would absolutely lose it. Heck, she still does.</p><p></p><p>Oddly enough, as Marg was saying - it's all interpretation. When I read your little summary, I thought to myself, "Oh jeez, this kid is totally gonna blow.....". It's not that YOU did ANYthing wrong. It's just kid interpretation - and our difficult children are basically teenagers from birth onward, when it comes to irrational thought. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /></p><p></p><p>I can even remember being 14-15, and those types of comments from my parents would drive me NUTS. I wasn't a difficult child, so I didn't then try to hurt them, and then run away, but I would definitely shoot a glare and stomp off upstairs. "He wasn't there, huh?" would have set me off in my head, this is what I would have been thinking: "Well, of COURSE he wasn't there, did you hear me make plans? You saw me on the phone for all of 15 seconds, what, did we just hang up? Do you think I called him to talk for 15 seconds? Why would you even bother saying something so POINTLESS? I'm not even responding to something so dumb, you're just TRYING to annoy me at this point."</p><p></p><p>Crazy? Yes. Yes, I was. Hi, my name is eeky, and I was a crazy teen (and I was even a good one!! Really well behaved, usually!!) But If I, a normal girl, can remember the frustration of innocent parent comments, I'm sure they're magnified 10x for our difficult children. </p><p></p><p>I think we all forget once we get older that transition questions - the type of things we adults ask each other to move a discussion along - are not things that kids use. You were expecting "No, he wasn't. Man, I'm bummed, Mom, what else can I do today". You tried to start a conversation to help him NOT be disappointed, right - you were trying to express sympathy?</p><p></p><p>But kids don't do that. Telling an adult "Hey sleepyhead, did the bed fall in?" will get you a laugh and a "Oh man, I was so tired. What's for breakfast?". Telling that to a teen or a difficult child might get you killed. <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/tongue.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":tongue:" title="tongue :tongue:" data-shortname=":tongue:" /> All they hear is, "You slept in way too long, you've wasted half your day, thank god you're finally awake, you lazy bum". </p><p></p><p>All of that said - this whole incident is not on YOU. His response to your words might have been understandable from a frustrated difficult child kid point of view, but his ACTIONS and response AFTER that were inexcusable. My sis would have kicked the doors and tried to hit Mom with the fridge door, too. Calling friends ending in failure was ALWAYS one of her bigger triggers, too. You've already gotten some great advice from others on how to deal with the "after" - I just wanted to let you know you're not alone. Mega-been there, done-that. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite8" alt=":D" title="Big Grin :D" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":D" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="eekysign, post: 275494, member: 6479"] Sounds exactly like Sis at that age. If she was disappointed or frustrated, and you made a comment about the situation, she would absolutely lose it. Heck, she still does. Oddly enough, as Marg was saying - it's all interpretation. When I read your little summary, I thought to myself, "Oh jeez, this kid is totally gonna blow.....". It's not that YOU did ANYthing wrong. It's just kid interpretation - and our difficult children are basically teenagers from birth onward, when it comes to irrational thought. ;) I can even remember being 14-15, and those types of comments from my parents would drive me NUTS. I wasn't a difficult child, so I didn't then try to hurt them, and then run away, but I would definitely shoot a glare and stomp off upstairs. "He wasn't there, huh?" would have set me off in my head, this is what I would have been thinking: "Well, of COURSE he wasn't there, did you hear me make plans? You saw me on the phone for all of 15 seconds, what, did we just hang up? Do you think I called him to talk for 15 seconds? Why would you even bother saying something so POINTLESS? I'm not even responding to something so dumb, you're just TRYING to annoy me at this point." Crazy? Yes. Yes, I was. Hi, my name is eeky, and I was a crazy teen (and I was even a good one!! Really well behaved, usually!!) But If I, a normal girl, can remember the frustration of innocent parent comments, I'm sure they're magnified 10x for our difficult children. I think we all forget once we get older that transition questions - the type of things we adults ask each other to move a discussion along - are not things that kids use. You were expecting "No, he wasn't. Man, I'm bummed, Mom, what else can I do today". You tried to start a conversation to help him NOT be disappointed, right - you were trying to express sympathy? But kids don't do that. Telling an adult "Hey sleepyhead, did the bed fall in?" will get you a laugh and a "Oh man, I was so tired. What's for breakfast?". Telling that to a teen or a difficult child might get you killed. :raspberry-tounge: All they hear is, "You slept in way too long, you've wasted half your day, thank god you're finally awake, you lazy bum". All of that said - this whole incident is not on YOU. His response to your words might have been understandable from a frustrated difficult child kid point of view, but his ACTIONS and response AFTER that were inexcusable. My sis would have kicked the doors and tried to hit Mom with the fridge door, too. Calling friends ending in failure was ALWAYS one of her bigger triggers, too. You've already gotten some great advice from others on how to deal with the "after" - I just wanted to let you know you're not alone. Mega-been there, done-that. :happy: [/QUOTE]
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