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Ugh..send me vibes
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 687084" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>In my book you did the right thing. Predictably, he is threatening to punish you for not giving him money. So many disturbed kids, especiallily those on drugs (including pot and alcohol addicts who are jobless). try to tie a relarionship with them to whether or not we give them money, often used for drugs. Your son does not yet seem to be of sober mind. That is as important as being sober, period, because he will not stay sober if he really isnt of sober mind. Instead, yes, he will go do his substance of choice and to teach us a lesson, they tend to tell us that OUR responses to their entitlement made them do it. Insane, but it does make a lot of us feel guilty, like it IS our faults. Thats why they say it!</p><p></p><p>Nobody makes them do it unless you have hog tied your kid and slipped a needle in his arm. He or she does it because he or she wants to. If they can hurt us a bit by blaming us, they will. I have not yet figured out why. All I can come up with is that they are a slave to their drug of choice and if we refuse them money to buy it or a car to get it or a cozy bedroom to use it in, they will throw a baby tantrum and blame us or cruelly cut us off or do anything to try to get us to help them use. We stand in their way of the beloved substance. I see it as a love triangle. And we cant win unless we help them self destruct. The dtug is the beloved, not us.</p><p></p><p></p><p>A month, two months, three months is not long enough for anyone to be mind sober. It's a day to day struggle for a lifetime...a total change of life that the person chooses. We did not make this choice for our child and we can not chsnge the mindset. When/if it happens, you will know. Everything will change. You wont wonder.</p><p></p><p>Until then, we will be the b@tchy wife to the other woman (the drugs).</p><p></p><p>Al anon can help all of us, even if we are not religious. Just disregard the god part and listen to the wisdom and common sense. It is hard to be alone in the jungle with only those who never went through it telling us what to do.</p><p>Connect in face time with those who understand. Do it for yourself. Be good to ypu. You havent done anything wrong. Refuse to listen to abuse or threats. Disconnect any "you are awful" conversations. Chin up. Respect yourself.</p><p></p><p>You know for a fact that you did your best. in my opinion your son will make more progress and faster if you refuse to let him blame you from now on. Then eventually...he will have to look at himself.</p><p></p><p>Big hugs.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 687084, member: 1550"] In my book you did the right thing. Predictably, he is threatening to punish you for not giving him money. So many disturbed kids, especiallily those on drugs (including pot and alcohol addicts who are jobless). try to tie a relarionship with them to whether or not we give them money, often used for drugs. Your son does not yet seem to be of sober mind. That is as important as being sober, period, because he will not stay sober if he really isnt of sober mind. Instead, yes, he will go do his substance of choice and to teach us a lesson, they tend to tell us that OUR responses to their entitlement made them do it. Insane, but it does make a lot of us feel guilty, like it IS our faults. Thats why they say it! Nobody makes them do it unless you have hog tied your kid and slipped a needle in his arm. He or she does it because he or she wants to. If they can hurt us a bit by blaming us, they will. I have not yet figured out why. All I can come up with is that they are a slave to their drug of choice and if we refuse them money to buy it or a car to get it or a cozy bedroom to use it in, they will throw a baby tantrum and blame us or cruelly cut us off or do anything to try to get us to help them use. We stand in their way of the beloved substance. I see it as a love triangle. And we cant win unless we help them self destruct. The dtug is the beloved, not us. A month, two months, three months is not long enough for anyone to be mind sober. It's a day to day struggle for a lifetime...a total change of life that the person chooses. We did not make this choice for our child and we can not chsnge the mindset. When/if it happens, you will know. Everything will change. You wont wonder. Until then, we will be the b@tchy wife to the other woman (the drugs). Al anon can help all of us, even if we are not religious. Just disregard the god part and listen to the wisdom and common sense. It is hard to be alone in the jungle with only those who never went through it telling us what to do. Connect in face time with those who understand. Do it for yourself. Be good to ypu. You havent done anything wrong. Refuse to listen to abuse or threats. Disconnect any "you are awful" conversations. Chin up. Respect yourself. You know for a fact that you did your best. in my opinion your son will make more progress and faster if you refuse to let him blame you from now on. Then eventually...he will have to look at himself. Big hugs. [/QUOTE]
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