Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
General Discussions
The Watercooler
Unbearably missing difficult child - why?
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Steely" data-source="post: 247987" data-attributes="member: 3301"><p>Thanks for your wisdom. I believe you are unbelievably correct. Moving is a tangible thing that demonstrates in a physical way my losses. Matthew and I lived in this house since he was 6, just the 2 of us - and in this neighborhood since he was born.</p><p></p><p>This is embarrassing, but true, I have kept Matt's door closed to his room since he left. I mean, I have never even cleaned it up. It is as he left it 6 months ago. I am surprised to even admit that, that is how much in denial I have been over him never coming back into my house again - even though I know without a shadow of a doubt he will not come back (on a conscious level), there is a part of me that cannot bear to go in there and dismantle his stuff and pack it away. In every way this was/is our house. Every single aspect of this little house, all 900 sq ft, was shared by us and our dogs. I still wake up every day thinking I am hearing him walking through the house. </p><p></p><p>I literally have only seen Matt once in 6 months, and he was sicker than he has ever been in his whole life, and in phosph. So, that is the other part of this, my emotions that I feel about seeing him next week are sky high. I want to hug him like a little kid, and be his mom again, and tell him what to do, and, I don't know - just be me. Yet, I am pretty sure that is not the healthy thing to do - and I literally do not know what to say or how to act for the 3 days we will have together as a visit. I cry just thinking about all the emotions I have bottled up over the last 6 months towards wanting to see him.</p><p></p><p>As an addendum............</p><p>I guess closure was also something I never got the privilege to do with H either - since I was not given any of her things - I never I got the physical closure of packing her things, saying goodbye to her dog - I never even got to say goodbye to her, or see her body. There was no closure, except in a spiritual way.</p><p></p><p>And so now, if I move - it will close the door to my life as I know it. And well, sometimes I feel like it is too much. And then I start super obsessing over Matthew, and feeling SO worried, and anxious and sad. Well, you know.</p><p></p><p>Anyway.......I keep looking at the newspapers Toto sent me 6 weeks ago from AZ listing jobs - and thinking how surreal it all is that I had this idea to go there - and now out of the blue - it may happen. Yet I feel like a child inside.</p><p></p><p>Thanks for your wisdom, and letting me ramble. It helps to write it all out I think.</p><p></p><p>And as a second addendum........</p><p>This other mgr at work wants us to go to court over the harassment I received at this place I have worked for the last year. I am compiling it all, and analyzing it - but - again, I don't know.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Steely, post: 247987, member: 3301"] Thanks for your wisdom. I believe you are unbelievably correct. Moving is a tangible thing that demonstrates in a physical way my losses. Matthew and I lived in this house since he was 6, just the 2 of us - and in this neighborhood since he was born. This is embarrassing, but true, I have kept Matt's door closed to his room since he left. I mean, I have never even cleaned it up. It is as he left it 6 months ago. I am surprised to even admit that, that is how much in denial I have been over him never coming back into my house again - even though I know without a shadow of a doubt he will not come back (on a conscious level), there is a part of me that cannot bear to go in there and dismantle his stuff and pack it away. In every way this was/is our house. Every single aspect of this little house, all 900 sq ft, was shared by us and our dogs. I still wake up every day thinking I am hearing him walking through the house. I literally have only seen Matt once in 6 months, and he was sicker than he has ever been in his whole life, and in phosph. So, that is the other part of this, my emotions that I feel about seeing him next week are sky high. I want to hug him like a little kid, and be his mom again, and tell him what to do, and, I don't know - just be me. Yet, I am pretty sure that is not the healthy thing to do - and I literally do not know what to say or how to act for the 3 days we will have together as a visit. I cry just thinking about all the emotions I have bottled up over the last 6 months towards wanting to see him. As an addendum............ I guess closure was also something I never got the privilege to do with H either - since I was not given any of her things - I never I got the physical closure of packing her things, saying goodbye to her dog - I never even got to say goodbye to her, or see her body. There was no closure, except in a spiritual way. And so now, if I move - it will close the door to my life as I know it. And well, sometimes I feel like it is too much. And then I start super obsessing over Matthew, and feeling SO worried, and anxious and sad. Well, you know. Anyway.......I keep looking at the newspapers Toto sent me 6 weeks ago from AZ listing jobs - and thinking how surreal it all is that I had this idea to go there - and now out of the blue - it may happen. Yet I feel like a child inside. Thanks for your wisdom, and letting me ramble. It helps to write it all out I think. And as a second addendum........ This other mgr at work wants us to go to court over the harassment I received at this place I have worked for the last year. I am compiling it all, and analyzing it - but - again, I don't know. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
General Discussions
The Watercooler
Unbearably missing difficult child - why?
Top