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Unbelievable - Or Maybe Not for a difficult child...
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 387075" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>We got an entitlement episode with difficult child 3 the other night - he recently begged us to let him play online games, and we relented after much discussion. But we increasingly heard him using really bad language and nasty attitudes to others over the mike, so I told him that language like that was not permitted under our roof, because we don't want to hear it and have the right to have an attitude-free zone. Any more language like that and we will revoke our permission.</p><p>He then finished his game and came down to tell me that the games are HIS and he can play them. So I enlightened him - WE pay the electricity bill and we can choose to have it shut off so we live by candlelight. Our hot water is already solar so we'll still be able to shower with hot water. But HE gets to play his games with OUR permission and OUR internet; we can always lock it up with passwords again. I reminded him that he gets a lot of leeway from us because we recognise he needs to learn self-control rather than be controlled, but if he won't give back the same respect we are trying to show him, then we can always go back to strict parental control, like other families do it.</p><p>He ten began to give me attitude about an older issue where husband tried to impose control and they had a physical altercation and difficult child 3 was saying he was glad he left bruises. So I sent him out of the room, told him to shut the door on his way out because he was now choosing just to be plain nasty instead of discussing things in a sensible mature way and behaving like a brat was no way to convince us to continue to allow the online gaming.</p><p></p><p>Since then he has greatly moderated his language and his attitude. I think me telling him that his behaviour was openly and heavily bullying behaviour also shocked him into compliance.</p><p></p><p>Some of the "I am going to have this kind of party and live in this kind of house" is pure fantasy and castles in the air. Dreams are OK, but reality has to also fit. You can remind her that there is no well of party fund in the house for anyone, and certainly not if you have to pay someone else to do her chores - that also comes out of any party fund.</p><p></p><p>easy child 2/difficult child 2 for years has dreamed of her rose-covered cottage, but is realistic enough to know it won't happen without a decent income. Of course she will say, "I want that house, I'll buy it when I've got the money," but is not being idiotic about it. Mind you, there were times when she was younger when she would resent a person who had what she did not; I worked hard to give her a strong sense of reality. One example - remember the 2000 Olympics? There was a young girl wearing a pink romper suit (or sunsuit) who was a focus of the Opening Ceremony (also in the Closing Ceremony). easy child 2/difficult child 2 was in the final 20 for the auditions for that role. Frankly, I think she had only been included because she had auditioned for another role (stiltwalking - they used about 50 of them) and broken her wrist at the audition, so she couldn't get in that way. And two things were against her at the "Hero Girl" audition - she had a broken wrist (same problem with not being able to rehearse until it was healed) and she simply wasn't up to the standard of the other kids there. Close, but just not good enough and not as much experience. The girl who got the job had been performing professionally on stage at the age of 5. And easy child 2/difficult child 2 was jealous as anything, kept saying, "I hate Nikki Webster." After the Olympics in Sydney, Nikki Webster got picked up for other performing work, including a role as Dorothy in Wizard of Oz on stage. She brought out a couple of songs on the pop charts, was doing ads, had a lot of work. But as often happens, the Nikki bashing began. In Australia we call it the "tall poppy" syndrome and is a nastier side of Australian culture. I don't think it's purely Australian, though. It became the fashion for comedians, then members of the public, to vent about this young girl who really was very talented and capable. But she was still a kid and really, shouldn't have copped the flak she did for just being her. I then talked to easy child 2/difficult child 2 and said, "She is copping this flak not because of anything she has done wrong, not because she is bad at what she does, but because she is in the public eye. If you had got that gig, YOU would be the kid in the firing line. NOW are you still jealous? Or can you sympathise with the girl?"</p><p>It was a very important stage in the development of easy child 2/difficult child 2. I had been about to pull the plug on her involvement in performance, if she couldn't develop a professional attitude about the others in the industry. It's interesting - Nikki Webster these days runs a child talent school in her own name. But she still has a face that looks very childlike, as does easy child 2/difficult child 2. And this can be an asset, IF you are not well-known. easy child 2/difficult child 2 has got work because she looks so much younger, but can work the adult (ie longer hours) conditions. But Nikki Webster is too well-known to get those jobs and formed her talent school because she can no longer get other work. The baby face was an asset for the original job, but now is a liability.</p><p>Yesterday at easy child 2/difficult child 2's first appointment with a new therapist, he said to her, "Which grade are you in at Middle School??" </p><p>easy child 2/difficult child 2 chuckled and said, "I'm 24 and married."</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 387075, member: 1991"] We got an entitlement episode with difficult child 3 the other night - he recently begged us to let him play online games, and we relented after much discussion. But we increasingly heard him using really bad language and nasty attitudes to others over the mike, so I told him that language like that was not permitted under our roof, because we don't want to hear it and have the right to have an attitude-free zone. Any more language like that and we will revoke our permission. He then finished his game and came down to tell me that the games are HIS and he can play them. So I enlightened him - WE pay the electricity bill and we can choose to have it shut off so we live by candlelight. Our hot water is already solar so we'll still be able to shower with hot water. But HE gets to play his games with OUR permission and OUR internet; we can always lock it up with passwords again. I reminded him that he gets a lot of leeway from us because we recognise he needs to learn self-control rather than be controlled, but if he won't give back the same respect we are trying to show him, then we can always go back to strict parental control, like other families do it. He ten began to give me attitude about an older issue where husband tried to impose control and they had a physical altercation and difficult child 3 was saying he was glad he left bruises. So I sent him out of the room, told him to shut the door on his way out because he was now choosing just to be plain nasty instead of discussing things in a sensible mature way and behaving like a brat was no way to convince us to continue to allow the online gaming. Since then he has greatly moderated his language and his attitude. I think me telling him that his behaviour was openly and heavily bullying behaviour also shocked him into compliance. Some of the "I am going to have this kind of party and live in this kind of house" is pure fantasy and castles in the air. Dreams are OK, but reality has to also fit. You can remind her that there is no well of party fund in the house for anyone, and certainly not if you have to pay someone else to do her chores - that also comes out of any party fund. easy child 2/difficult child 2 for years has dreamed of her rose-covered cottage, but is realistic enough to know it won't happen without a decent income. Of course she will say, "I want that house, I'll buy it when I've got the money," but is not being idiotic about it. Mind you, there were times when she was younger when she would resent a person who had what she did not; I worked hard to give her a strong sense of reality. One example - remember the 2000 Olympics? There was a young girl wearing a pink romper suit (or sunsuit) who was a focus of the Opening Ceremony (also in the Closing Ceremony). easy child 2/difficult child 2 was in the final 20 for the auditions for that role. Frankly, I think she had only been included because she had auditioned for another role (stiltwalking - they used about 50 of them) and broken her wrist at the audition, so she couldn't get in that way. And two things were against her at the "Hero Girl" audition - she had a broken wrist (same problem with not being able to rehearse until it was healed) and she simply wasn't up to the standard of the other kids there. Close, but just not good enough and not as much experience. The girl who got the job had been performing professionally on stage at the age of 5. And easy child 2/difficult child 2 was jealous as anything, kept saying, "I hate Nikki Webster." After the Olympics in Sydney, Nikki Webster got picked up for other performing work, including a role as Dorothy in Wizard of Oz on stage. She brought out a couple of songs on the pop charts, was doing ads, had a lot of work. But as often happens, the Nikki bashing began. In Australia we call it the "tall poppy" syndrome and is a nastier side of Australian culture. I don't think it's purely Australian, though. It became the fashion for comedians, then members of the public, to vent about this young girl who really was very talented and capable. But she was still a kid and really, shouldn't have copped the flak she did for just being her. I then talked to easy child 2/difficult child 2 and said, "She is copping this flak not because of anything she has done wrong, not because she is bad at what she does, but because she is in the public eye. If you had got that gig, YOU would be the kid in the firing line. NOW are you still jealous? Or can you sympathise with the girl?" It was a very important stage in the development of easy child 2/difficult child 2. I had been about to pull the plug on her involvement in performance, if she couldn't develop a professional attitude about the others in the industry. It's interesting - Nikki Webster these days runs a child talent school in her own name. But she still has a face that looks very childlike, as does easy child 2/difficult child 2. And this can be an asset, IF you are not well-known. easy child 2/difficult child 2 has got work because she looks so much younger, but can work the adult (ie longer hours) conditions. But Nikki Webster is too well-known to get those jobs and formed her talent school because she can no longer get other work. The baby face was an asset for the original job, but now is a liability. Yesterday at easy child 2/difficult child 2's first appointment with a new therapist, he said to her, "Which grade are you in at Middle School??" easy child 2/difficult child 2 chuckled and said, "I'm 24 and married." Marg [/QUOTE]
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