Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Unbelievable Stupid Meddlers
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="WSM" data-source="post: 240253" data-attributes="member: 5169"><p>Daughter8 has been questioned several times by CPS and the police. The horrible CPS lady scared her and made her cry (and angered 2 of my other 3 children because she was badgering them). But this go around she just answered the police, a little puzzled, but okay with it.</p><p> </p><p>She has been quizzed by her teacher, and I think it makes her uncomfortable. She came home one day asking husband exactly what does he do at work--she's been there but the concept of business purchasing contracts is not necessarily a glamorous one, so she didn't know. And said the teacher had been asking her a lot of questions about things at home. However, if the teacher thought Dad was an abusive disciplinarian, why does she write in the agenda so often how daughter is talking too much in class? </p><p> </p><p>However, some of this must be coming from her. I had the impression she was ok the one time I met her. But she told me daughter talked alot and she made daughter miss 5 minutes of recess. Five minutes of recess! I thought: five minutes isn't going to do it, have her miss the whole thing. But I don't think parents should interfere with how teachers run their classrooms or the relationship with the child. Daughter does talk all the time. My guess is she isn't the only 8 year old girl who does. I remember doing it myself. Daughter's told me that she's had to sit at another desk because of her talking and told me that of the 8 tickets they get everyday, she's had to back to the teacher six of them because of her talking (if you lose all 8 you get a consequence). </p><p> </p><p>My impression of the teacher was she was well meaning and ineffective, the type to flutter about ineffectively. She's not a young teacher either or inexperienced, somewhere in her 40s or 50s I think. So I don't know. difficult child had a very codependent teacher last year: we had a meeting with 14 school personnel about difficult child and the teacher suggested that everyone in the family, all 4 other kids devote their time to curing difficult child. We and the other school administrators said it wasn't their responsibility and squashed that idea. He, the teacher, got up and left the table and went and sat in the corner and sulked. He wouldn't even say good bye to us.</p><p> </p><p>difficult child equates pity with love, power, and safety. The things that make most people feel loved, make him anxious; what makes him feel loved is to get people to feel sorry for him. His early life experiences make this a logical conclusion for him, but it's almost impossible for most people to realize this is going on. They fall for the wounded puppy dog act and believe they are just being nice to him and getting a great response from him, so why can't his parents, but don't realize that they are in fact responding to his sad face, his worry about people taking his things, his waif-like demeanor. difficult child has a remarkable facility for identifying and using codependents and enablers.</p><p> </p><p>It has truly affected all the kids, including daughter. She is by no means perfect; she's sloppy and careless, talks all the time, tells little lies, hurries through homework and schoolwork, cleans her room by shoving it all under her bed, all normal kid stuff. She once was playing at a friend's house and was supposed to be home at 6 and told the friend's mother that the clock in our house were different and 6:00 in the friend's house was only 5:00 at our house so she, daughter, could stay another hour. </p><p> </p><p>Imagine that woman's shock when she dropped off daughter and there were 5 police cars infront of the house and the police pulled her out of her car to find out what she was doing with daughter and asking daughter questions like, 'has anyone hurt you, has anyone kept you against your will?' and all she had to offer the police were: "Ummm...the child said the clocks at her house were different from ours." LOL. We are still all friends.</p><p> </p><p>It IS hard for daughter to have a brother like difficult child. She's been the focus of a lot of his covert aggression: he takes more of her stuff to destroy than anyone else's. He's tried to talk her into doing things he knows he shouldn't do. He's tried blaming his misbehavior on her. She has to 'guard' her things, hide her money, keep her bookbag in our room because he will take it. </p><p> </p><p>ALl the kids have to deal with CPS and the police coming to the house. A few parents won't let their children come to our house because of difficult child (he's not at all violent). Other kids notice difficult child in a funk, standing and staring or going into a pity fest or acting out in some weird way and my kids have to explain "that's just how he is". The kids have been embarrassed by him, disgusted at him, and worried about him. The older ones have each said, "Why don't you DO something about him?" Meaning 'fix him', and also meaning, 'just get him to stop no matter what'. At one point both older kids have said, 'If you'd just...he'd be fine..." and then been chagrinned when we 'just...' and it made no difference. They've said both: 'be nicer to him' and 'be harsher with him'. At one point or another, he's betrayed everyone. Altho they are nice to his, they pretty much ignore him. You get used to it after a while, and the oldest two have moved on.</p><p> </p><p>The 14 year old tries to reach out to him, and has invited him to play lots of time, but difficult child ignores him and can barely answer. So right now 14 year old is disgusted with him. Everyone worries about difficult child taking their stuff and ruining it.</p><p> </p><p>I'm sure daughter will go through all these stages too. I just don't see how to avoid it. In truth and reality she has a problem brother and she's going to have to deal with it. Just like she has a schizophrenic bio-mother. It's terribly sad for her, but no one can change the reality of what is.</p><p> </p><p>Our family does make heavy use of the therapeutic community.</p><p> </p><p>Thank you for all your kind sympathy.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="WSM, post: 240253, member: 5169"] Daughter8 has been questioned several times by CPS and the police. The horrible CPS lady scared her and made her cry (and angered 2 of my other 3 children because she was badgering them). But this go around she just answered the police, a little puzzled, but okay with it. She has been quizzed by her teacher, and I think it makes her uncomfortable. She came home one day asking husband exactly what does he do at work--she's been there but the concept of business purchasing contracts is not necessarily a glamorous one, so she didn't know. And said the teacher had been asking her a lot of questions about things at home. However, if the teacher thought Dad was an abusive disciplinarian, why does she write in the agenda so often how daughter is talking too much in class? However, some of this must be coming from her. I had the impression she was ok the one time I met her. But she told me daughter talked alot and she made daughter miss 5 minutes of recess. Five minutes of recess! I thought: five minutes isn't going to do it, have her miss the whole thing. But I don't think parents should interfere with how teachers run their classrooms or the relationship with the child. Daughter does talk all the time. My guess is she isn't the only 8 year old girl who does. I remember doing it myself. Daughter's told me that she's had to sit at another desk because of her talking and told me that of the 8 tickets they get everyday, she's had to back to the teacher six of them because of her talking (if you lose all 8 you get a consequence). My impression of the teacher was she was well meaning and ineffective, the type to flutter about ineffectively. She's not a young teacher either or inexperienced, somewhere in her 40s or 50s I think. So I don't know. difficult child had a very codependent teacher last year: we had a meeting with 14 school personnel about difficult child and the teacher suggested that everyone in the family, all 4 other kids devote their time to curing difficult child. We and the other school administrators said it wasn't their responsibility and squashed that idea. He, the teacher, got up and left the table and went and sat in the corner and sulked. He wouldn't even say good bye to us. difficult child equates pity with love, power, and safety. The things that make most people feel loved, make him anxious; what makes him feel loved is to get people to feel sorry for him. His early life experiences make this a logical conclusion for him, but it's almost impossible for most people to realize this is going on. They fall for the wounded puppy dog act and believe they are just being nice to him and getting a great response from him, so why can't his parents, but don't realize that they are in fact responding to his sad face, his worry about people taking his things, his waif-like demeanor. difficult child has a remarkable facility for identifying and using codependents and enablers. It has truly affected all the kids, including daughter. She is by no means perfect; she's sloppy and careless, talks all the time, tells little lies, hurries through homework and schoolwork, cleans her room by shoving it all under her bed, all normal kid stuff. She once was playing at a friend's house and was supposed to be home at 6 and told the friend's mother that the clock in our house were different and 6:00 in the friend's house was only 5:00 at our house so she, daughter, could stay another hour. Imagine that woman's shock when she dropped off daughter and there were 5 police cars infront of the house and the police pulled her out of her car to find out what she was doing with daughter and asking daughter questions like, 'has anyone hurt you, has anyone kept you against your will?' and all she had to offer the police were: "Ummm...the child said the clocks at her house were different from ours." LOL. We are still all friends. It IS hard for daughter to have a brother like difficult child. She's been the focus of a lot of his covert aggression: he takes more of her stuff to destroy than anyone else's. He's tried to talk her into doing things he knows he shouldn't do. He's tried blaming his misbehavior on her. She has to 'guard' her things, hide her money, keep her bookbag in our room because he will take it. ALl the kids have to deal with CPS and the police coming to the house. A few parents won't let their children come to our house because of difficult child (he's not at all violent). Other kids notice difficult child in a funk, standing and staring or going into a pity fest or acting out in some weird way and my kids have to explain "that's just how he is". The kids have been embarrassed by him, disgusted at him, and worried about him. The older ones have each said, "Why don't you DO something about him?" Meaning 'fix him', and also meaning, 'just get him to stop no matter what'. At one point both older kids have said, 'If you'd just...he'd be fine..." and then been chagrinned when we 'just...' and it made no difference. They've said both: 'be nicer to him' and 'be harsher with him'. At one point or another, he's betrayed everyone. Altho they are nice to his, they pretty much ignore him. You get used to it after a while, and the oldest two have moved on. The 14 year old tries to reach out to him, and has invited him to play lots of time, but difficult child ignores him and can barely answer. So right now 14 year old is disgusted with him. Everyone worries about difficult child taking their stuff and ruining it. I'm sure daughter will go through all these stages too. I just don't see how to avoid it. In truth and reality she has a problem brother and she's going to have to deal with it. Just like she has a schizophrenic bio-mother. It's terribly sad for her, but no one can change the reality of what is. Our family does make heavy use of the therapeutic community. Thank you for all your kind sympathy. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Unbelievable Stupid Meddlers
Top