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Unbelievable Stupid Meddlers
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 240334" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Keep records. It's clearly what you're already doing (good for you) but it will be your only defence, for "when that day comes".</p><p></p><p>I also think he is likely to get a Personality Disorder diagnosis or similar, when he finally isoldenough. That is assuming he is still within reach of being seen by someone for long enough to be properly evaluated. It could be his early experiences or it could be genetic. But it soundsvery worrying.</p><p></p><p>Your description of him as someone who can only recognise pity as the only valid attention - it's a really bad start.</p><p></p><p>Since he is husband's son, is there any way you can get husband to talk to the military school and explain the history? Without your presence, if necessary, so they can ask him all the mean and nasty questions clearly on their mind. Then schedule a second meeting, this time with you present.</p><p></p><p>I had a vaguely siimilar experience. I had really tee'd off the teachers at the local school because of my campaigning for a certain placement for my daughter. It was getting nasty, the teachers were threatening to all walk out and it was a stalemate. I knew I was being talked about so I asked the proncipal to organise a face to face meeting with all those expressing concerns, so they could say to my face whatever they wanted (preferable to it all being said behind my back) and I would try to calmly answer their concerns. I promised I would stay calm, we would discuss it all like rational people but if they wanted to get heated and yell at me, tere would be no consequences. I said this because I knew I had the right of it and Iknew they didn't have the true picture.</p><p></p><p>To his credit, the principal organised the meeting. To their credit, the teachers came. I took notes and later published an anonymous summary (not naming the teachers or the school) in a journal for parents of 'special' kids. Mind you, those teachers still found out about the publication and circulated it. But I quoted them correctly.</p><p></p><p>But I digress. My point is, we had it all out in the open. I let them say the things they wanted to say, including their accusations of pressuring one child and neglecting another, as well as "family history of mental disturbance" which was a new one to me. When we got to a point where we were making no further progress I had to say, "On this point we have to agree to disagree. I think this, you think that. Next point?" And so we went through their entire agenda.</p><p></p><p>End result - air cleared. They knew what I was capable of and what I was not capable of (ie not capable of doing anything to harm my children). I actually stayed on friendly terms with just about all of them (no mean feat, but we all live in the same small village). I didn't convince them, not much anyway. But what I was trying to do was more alien than what you are trying to do, you should have much more success. And you sound to me like the sort of person who would be capable of putting your own feelings and hurts over this to one side and letting them say horrible things to you, so you can calmly respond and explain the true picture.</p><p></p><p>You shouldn't have to do this. But if you can, it cuts through a great deal of rubbish.</p><p></p><p>It also could head difficult child off at the pass, so to speak.</p><p></p><p>As for the rubbish over your daughter - I would document things again, put it in a letter. Get husband to write it if possible (or at least you write something he is prepared to own) and in the letter, list the accusations made by the school counsellor, then refute them as you have done here. List the accusations in the form of, "I recall that you said this, if I am mistaken please correct me in writing so we may ensure this to be a true and accurte record of our conversation and your concerns. If your concerns are valid as you believe then of course they must be addressed. If, as I believe, your concerns are not valid, then they need to be laid to rest. If somewhere in there are concerns neither of us is awre of fully, then hopefully through this process we will identify them so we can properly take appropriate action."</p><p></p><p>This leaves you open to perhaps identifying some underlying reactive anxiety in your daughter (which would be understandable) and perhaps finding a way to help her. Perhaps even finding a way for the teacher to channel that talkativeness and not punish so severely. Because callnig CPS on you, has deflected attention way from what I can see are some potentially nasty problems building, with that teacher. I don't think this has happened on purpose (the deflection) but it Is what happens when you just have too much on your plate.</p><p></p><p>Hang in there, I hope you can get this stuff sorted. You don't need this, on top of everything else.</p><p></p><p>However, one consolation - every time CPS writes a "closed file" on you, is one more nail in the coffin for any future complaints.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 240334, member: 1991"] Keep records. It's clearly what you're already doing (good for you) but it will be your only defence, for "when that day comes". I also think he is likely to get a Personality Disorder diagnosis or similar, when he finally isoldenough. That is assuming he is still within reach of being seen by someone for long enough to be properly evaluated. It could be his early experiences or it could be genetic. But it soundsvery worrying. Your description of him as someone who can only recognise pity as the only valid attention - it's a really bad start. Since he is husband's son, is there any way you can get husband to talk to the military school and explain the history? Without your presence, if necessary, so they can ask him all the mean and nasty questions clearly on their mind. Then schedule a second meeting, this time with you present. I had a vaguely siimilar experience. I had really tee'd off the teachers at the local school because of my campaigning for a certain placement for my daughter. It was getting nasty, the teachers were threatening to all walk out and it was a stalemate. I knew I was being talked about so I asked the proncipal to organise a face to face meeting with all those expressing concerns, so they could say to my face whatever they wanted (preferable to it all being said behind my back) and I would try to calmly answer their concerns. I promised I would stay calm, we would discuss it all like rational people but if they wanted to get heated and yell at me, tere would be no consequences. I said this because I knew I had the right of it and Iknew they didn't have the true picture. To his credit, the principal organised the meeting. To their credit, the teachers came. I took notes and later published an anonymous summary (not naming the teachers or the school) in a journal for parents of 'special' kids. Mind you, those teachers still found out about the publication and circulated it. But I quoted them correctly. But I digress. My point is, we had it all out in the open. I let them say the things they wanted to say, including their accusations of pressuring one child and neglecting another, as well as "family history of mental disturbance" which was a new one to me. When we got to a point where we were making no further progress I had to say, "On this point we have to agree to disagree. I think this, you think that. Next point?" And so we went through their entire agenda. End result - air cleared. They knew what I was capable of and what I was not capable of (ie not capable of doing anything to harm my children). I actually stayed on friendly terms with just about all of them (no mean feat, but we all live in the same small village). I didn't convince them, not much anyway. But what I was trying to do was more alien than what you are trying to do, you should have much more success. And you sound to me like the sort of person who would be capable of putting your own feelings and hurts over this to one side and letting them say horrible things to you, so you can calmly respond and explain the true picture. You shouldn't have to do this. But if you can, it cuts through a great deal of rubbish. It also could head difficult child off at the pass, so to speak. As for the rubbish over your daughter - I would document things again, put it in a letter. Get husband to write it if possible (or at least you write something he is prepared to own) and in the letter, list the accusations made by the school counsellor, then refute them as you have done here. List the accusations in the form of, "I recall that you said this, if I am mistaken please correct me in writing so we may ensure this to be a true and accurte record of our conversation and your concerns. If your concerns are valid as you believe then of course they must be addressed. If, as I believe, your concerns are not valid, then they need to be laid to rest. If somewhere in there are concerns neither of us is awre of fully, then hopefully through this process we will identify them so we can properly take appropriate action." This leaves you open to perhaps identifying some underlying reactive anxiety in your daughter (which would be understandable) and perhaps finding a way to help her. Perhaps even finding a way for the teacher to channel that talkativeness and not punish so severely. Because callnig CPS on you, has deflected attention way from what I can see are some potentially nasty problems building, with that teacher. I don't think this has happened on purpose (the deflection) but it Is what happens when you just have too much on your plate. Hang in there, I hope you can get this stuff sorted. You don't need this, on top of everything else. However, one consolation - every time CPS writes a "closed file" on you, is one more nail in the coffin for any future complaints. Marg [/QUOTE]
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