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Unconditional love?
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<blockquote data-quote="Albatross" data-source="post: 653304" data-attributes="member: 17720"><p>Lil, there is no way you could have handled this without some problems.</p><p></p><p>With anyone else, you say "We are going to X restaurant for your birthday dinner" and they infer how to dress. If they don't know, they ask.</p><p></p><p>And regardless of where they are going, they know that showering is expected.</p><p></p><p>With anyone else, of course you would NEVER say something along the lines of "Be clean or we won't be taking you" because of course they would take offense.</p><p></p><p>But with a Difficult Child we feel we have to say "Be clean..." because if we don't say it, they won't do it...and they will act as if they simply didn't KNOW.</p><p></p><p>If you hadn't said it, he very well might have shown up unshowered, etc. He showed up in court unshowered, so going out to dinner would seem to be even less of a formal occasion.</p><p></p><p>We feel we have to tell them things that should be obvious. We assume that a lack of knowledge of how to behave is the root of the problem.</p><p></p><p>They take offense when we say these sorts of things...as anyone would. Who wouldn't be offended by being told to clean up for their birthday dinner or they wouldn't being going?</p><p></p><p>But they never stop to think why we felt we had to say it in the first place...</p><p></p><p>It's a no win situation.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Albatross, post: 653304, member: 17720"] Lil, there is no way you could have handled this without some problems. With anyone else, you say "We are going to X restaurant for your birthday dinner" and they infer how to dress. If they don't know, they ask. And regardless of where they are going, they know that showering is expected. With anyone else, of course you would NEVER say something along the lines of "Be clean or we won't be taking you" because of course they would take offense. But with a Difficult Child we feel we have to say "Be clean..." because if we don't say it, they won't do it...and they will act as if they simply didn't KNOW. If you hadn't said it, he very well might have shown up unshowered, etc. He showed up in court unshowered, so going out to dinner would seem to be even less of a formal occasion. We feel we have to tell them things that should be obvious. We assume that a lack of knowledge of how to behave is the root of the problem. They take offense when we say these sorts of things...as anyone would. Who wouldn't be offended by being told to clean up for their birthday dinner or they wouldn't being going? But they never stop to think why we felt we had to say it in the first place... It's a no win situation. [/QUOTE]
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