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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 439331" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>That's what Tony Attwood was pointing out in his interview - Aspies, for all their faults, are capable of amazing kindness. </p><p></p><p>The raging and the nasty things they say are said out of anger and frustration. When they calm down they generally regret it, unless the anger continues. That's why if we can prevent the anger and frustration, they do a lot better.</p><p></p><p>Being able to sit still in class - these are generally VERY bright kids who really value any person who helps them with their education. For difficult child 3, even the teachers who were NOT fair to him, who really pushed his buttons, he loves and values, he will seek them out when he sees them around the village, he will go up to them and greet them in friendship. In my opinion, I find it difficult to be civil to these people because of how they treated my son. I can see it in their eyes - they know how they dropped the ball. The first time difficult child 3 headed their way I swear I saw them trying to avoid him. They were scared he would be rude or critical. But instead he greeted them excitedly, shared with them how he was doing, was very friendly. He is far more forgiving than I am.</p><p></p><p>But then - he is also capable of some dangerous raging too. So was difficult child 1 who no longer loses his temper. difficult child 1 is so incredibly focussed on staying calm these days, he seems almost shut down. He is a deep thinker, he is an extremely moral person. But he does think about his morals, he's not an automatic pilot. For example, a very religious person we know did things a certain way which caused problems, but I thought difficult child 1 would be fully supportive of her actions because they are those of a religious conservative. However, difficult child 1 said, "Not cool. She should not have done it that way. it removes the onus of free will, and God gave us free will for a reason."</p><p>[I'm not trying to preach in any way - just giving an example of how an Aspie can still think about his beliefs and not just parrot them]. difficult child 1 happens to be religious; it is not uncommon in Asperger's and autism. But never forget - atheism is also a religious point of view. Some Aspies and autistics are zealously atheist.</p><p></p><p>Malika, have you managed to read up on "Explosive Child" yet? Collaborative problem-solving? It might give you tools you can use, and that teachers can use.</p><p></p><p>You are trying to do a challenging job in what I now realise is a very difficult environment, at times hostile. No wonder it's hard on you. I am glad you are an intelligent, rational person who is also strong enough to do this.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 439331, member: 1991"] That's what Tony Attwood was pointing out in his interview - Aspies, for all their faults, are capable of amazing kindness. The raging and the nasty things they say are said out of anger and frustration. When they calm down they generally regret it, unless the anger continues. That's why if we can prevent the anger and frustration, they do a lot better. Being able to sit still in class - these are generally VERY bright kids who really value any person who helps them with their education. For difficult child 3, even the teachers who were NOT fair to him, who really pushed his buttons, he loves and values, he will seek them out when he sees them around the village, he will go up to them and greet them in friendship. In my opinion, I find it difficult to be civil to these people because of how they treated my son. I can see it in their eyes - they know how they dropped the ball. The first time difficult child 3 headed their way I swear I saw them trying to avoid him. They were scared he would be rude or critical. But instead he greeted them excitedly, shared with them how he was doing, was very friendly. He is far more forgiving than I am. But then - he is also capable of some dangerous raging too. So was difficult child 1 who no longer loses his temper. difficult child 1 is so incredibly focussed on staying calm these days, he seems almost shut down. He is a deep thinker, he is an extremely moral person. But he does think about his morals, he's not an automatic pilot. For example, a very religious person we know did things a certain way which caused problems, but I thought difficult child 1 would be fully supportive of her actions because they are those of a religious conservative. However, difficult child 1 said, "Not cool. She should not have done it that way. it removes the onus of free will, and God gave us free will for a reason." [I'm not trying to preach in any way - just giving an example of how an Aspie can still think about his beliefs and not just parrot them]. difficult child 1 happens to be religious; it is not uncommon in Asperger's and autism. But never forget - atheism is also a religious point of view. Some Aspies and autistics are zealously atheist. Malika, have you managed to read up on "Explosive Child" yet? Collaborative problem-solving? It might give you tools you can use, and that teachers can use. You are trying to do a challenging job in what I now realise is a very difficult environment, at times hostile. No wonder it's hard on you. I am glad you are an intelligent, rational person who is also strong enough to do this. Marg [/QUOTE]
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