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Parent Emeritus
Up, down, I am like a merry-go-round! You too?
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<blockquote data-quote="Blindsided" data-source="post: 748412" data-attributes="member: 23811"><p>I would never describe myself as depressed until my 40 year old daughter spiraled out of control. She is now homeless and couch hoping because she can't maintain relationships with men anymore. She has made it clear all she has is her vodka, adderall and xanax. She hasn't worked for 15 years, but blames me for every poor choice she ever made. I had to learn the difference between helping and enabling the hard way. I hate that I have had to become protective in an effort to survive. </p><p></p><p>Today, Mother's Day, is very difficult, but I remember the smile that came to my face when I opened an edibles package from my son and his wife. I know my survival depends on focusing on the others that light me up. As a nurse, I have always been a care taker, so it's hard for me to understand why my daughter resists my advice to get the help she needs. She is so abusive towards me and tells such scandalous lies about all of us who have tried to help her get on her feet, something she refuses to appreciate or do. I have set boundaries over and over again to no avail. I reach out, because I can't stand not knowing if she is even alive (she lives far away so she can get Medicaid, she has had toxic mold poisoning and her liver is failing from alcohol, but she is also delusional about her health thinking she has things she does not).</p><p></p><p>I have learned I must be ready to accept that I will not get the response I would like to have when I reach out. I let her know I will support her sobriety, but that didn't go well. I have addressed how she must feel and she will circle around for a bit, then turn into a tornado of delusions. I recently sent her a message that if she couldn't respond kindly, don't, because I can't handle the stress caused by her behavior anymore. I tried to let her know if she couldn't respect my boundaries, she wouldn't be hearing from me in the future. And, I told her that is MY choice, just like she has a choice to get help, or not. I haven't heard a word back. At least she is respecting my boundaries. I have thought about sending her a thank you message for respecting my boundaries and telling her I love her. </p><p></p><p>I get the temptation to stay in touch, but I can tell you my husband and other children are on the same page as yours. It's difficult for them to see us waste away. So, I remind myself, I can hardly ask someone else to make healthy choices if I am not willing to do the same. Though today is painful, I can't bask in it all day. Time to celebrate the many gifts in my life that are present today. I wish you the same.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Blindsided, post: 748412, member: 23811"] I would never describe myself as depressed until my 40 year old daughter spiraled out of control. She is now homeless and couch hoping because she can't maintain relationships with men anymore. She has made it clear all she has is her vodka, adderall and xanax. She hasn't worked for 15 years, but blames me for every poor choice she ever made. I had to learn the difference between helping and enabling the hard way. I hate that I have had to become protective in an effort to survive. Today, Mother's Day, is very difficult, but I remember the smile that came to my face when I opened an edibles package from my son and his wife. I know my survival depends on focusing on the others that light me up. As a nurse, I have always been a care taker, so it's hard for me to understand why my daughter resists my advice to get the help she needs. She is so abusive towards me and tells such scandalous lies about all of us who have tried to help her get on her feet, something she refuses to appreciate or do. I have set boundaries over and over again to no avail. I reach out, because I can't stand not knowing if she is even alive (she lives far away so she can get Medicaid, she has had toxic mold poisoning and her liver is failing from alcohol, but she is also delusional about her health thinking she has things she does not). I have learned I must be ready to accept that I will not get the response I would like to have when I reach out. I let her know I will support her sobriety, but that didn't go well. I have addressed how she must feel and she will circle around for a bit, then turn into a tornado of delusions. I recently sent her a message that if she couldn't respond kindly, don't, because I can't handle the stress caused by her behavior anymore. I tried to let her know if she couldn't respect my boundaries, she wouldn't be hearing from me in the future. And, I told her that is MY choice, just like she has a choice to get help, or not. I haven't heard a word back. At least she is respecting my boundaries. I have thought about sending her a thank you message for respecting my boundaries and telling her I love her. I get the temptation to stay in touch, but I can tell you my husband and other children are on the same page as yours. It's difficult for them to see us waste away. So, I remind myself, I can hardly ask someone else to make healthy choices if I am not willing to do the same. Though today is painful, I can't bask in it all day. Time to celebrate the many gifts in my life that are present today. I wish you the same. [/QUOTE]
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