Good days follow a bad day. Today is sadder. Mothers Day coming reminds me of Kay. She is missing. I read once that Mothers Day has the highest suicide rate of all days. Sad. Also I did write Kay a short, but kind and to the point loving letter. I even read it to my other daughter to ask if it was in any way offensive or too pathetic sounding or made promises I can' t keep. My other daughter said it was perfect and then told me not to contact Kay again. She said to let this letter, which she feels could not be better, be my last attempt to communicate with her. She told me to let Kay handle it how she must. The ball is in Kay's court. I know she isn't happy with Kay now, but she was trying hard to support ME which I appreciate. My husband said the same. Love them. I went to Al Anon last night but yesterday was a good day so I didn't get as much out of the meeting as I had on the bad days i had gone. I know. Makes no sense. I think today is worse because Kay would get the letter today and I figured she would call right.away if that was in her plan. So I am more anxious but not in fetal position. So this is good I guess. Sort of. I could cry a little if I let myself. I don't want to go there right now. Done enough of that and don't want to give in now. Honestly I wonder if this is how those with severe bipolar feel with their moods. Like they are emotionally on a carousal. I have been depressed but nothing like this crazy up/down bouncing. I did have a therapy appointment today and that helped. I need to learn to love myself and I am not sure how. Anyone succeed in this? I like myself, I guess. Sometimes. How do you love yourself? I love my husband, kids, pets and of course God. But ME? Take care.