Deni,
It's interesting that you brought up that he feels his childhood was not good. My Two Sons have said that to me a million times. Truth be told, I did everything humanly possible to give them the happiest childhood possible and it just boggles my mind that their perception is different. I really appreciate your sharing that because for the longest time I felt like "did I miss something?" What on earth are they remembering? I haven't quite figured all that out yet. However, there are intermittent times when my sons are not vaulting verbal knives at me that they'll say..I know you were a good Mom. It's like a switch goes off for a moment and they see it the way "I" remembered it.
Anyways, I try to remember that my healing will continue and does continue with a lot of hard work but most importantly as long as I remember not to deny the truth, because then my life becomes unmanageable. When my heart gets heavy because I think, why can't the two sons just get better? Why can't we share happy, loving times together? Why won't they get jobs and work towards a good place to live and have a "normal life"? I have to pull myself back in and realize that the truth is they have "issues" that are way bigger than me. I no longer can fix their boo boos with a band-aid and a popsicle. I have had to learn that in fact it's not my job to fix them at all and to realize that they have a journey in this life just like me. I have to remember that maybe where they're at right now is exactly where God needs them to be. I'm not perfect, for sure, but I have to stop jumping in front of God, saying "I got this" because for sure...I don't. He does. I just have to keep remembering that over and over again.
