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<blockquote data-quote="Deni D" data-source="post: 749537" data-attributes="member: 22840"><p>This is what I refer to as inside out/upside down behavior. I've seen it even with the slightest annoyance towards my sons chaotic behavior. </p><p></p><p>There's something I've been thinking about. This is going to be long winded because I can't succinctly describe it. As my son was growing up I didn't allow him to see me as a human who had anything to deal with. My thoughts were that children don't need to know about grown up problems, but I think I may have taken it too far. I think maybe he thinks I'm living some kind of blessed life in all ways and therefore owe him because I'm so "lucky". Our relationship has basically always been one sided, all about him. Which I think is normal with young children but of course not with them as adults. As he got older I tried to change that a bit but I guess I was too late to the game because anything personal my son knows about me has been twisted around and used to emotionally bash me with. So at this point I don't give him any more ammo, I don't even let him know how hurtful his nasty emails are. </p><p>But with his father on the other hand; the man tells him every time he stubs his big toe, cries poverty at the drop of a hat (very untrue), makes out like his job is the hardest thing ever and he's very put upon. If someone his father knows has something serious they are dealing with his father will relay it to my son in a way that makes it seem his father is suffering, when in fact all it really involved was a phone call where his father found out about the situation and was doing nothing to help. </p><p>My son has compassion for his father. For example in the last half way normal conversation my son had with me the told me his father "has a lot on his plate". A statement I've heard often from his father over the years when he was deflecting from spending time with his son or being a responsible parent. </p><p>I get it that his father is more like a distant relative and hasn't done any of the heavy lifting as a parent so their relationship would be an easier one. But his father has always come down quick and hard on him whenever he was displeased with him. Also he learned the lethal verbal character assignation moves from his father who uses them when he's having trouble with his mental stability and has used them on him. </p><p>I know my son also has compassion for other people too, but my thoughts are about his closest relationships, because people are often different with those they are closest to. </p><p>So what am I missing? And I wonder if there will ever be a time when this will be turned around. This me being seen as a "thing" to used by him. A "thing" that deserves to be knocked around verbally to take his frustrations out on when he not getting what he wants from me. It's a very hurtful and uncomfortable situation for me, something I know I have to let go of, because I can't control it but it makes the world seem more unfair than I can accept or tolerate.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Deni D, post: 749537, member: 22840"] This is what I refer to as inside out/upside down behavior. I've seen it even with the slightest annoyance towards my sons chaotic behavior. There's something I've been thinking about. This is going to be long winded because I can't succinctly describe it. As my son was growing up I didn't allow him to see me as a human who had anything to deal with. My thoughts were that children don't need to know about grown up problems, but I think I may have taken it too far. I think maybe he thinks I'm living some kind of blessed life in all ways and therefore owe him because I'm so "lucky". Our relationship has basically always been one sided, all about him. Which I think is normal with young children but of course not with them as adults. As he got older I tried to change that a bit but I guess I was too late to the game because anything personal my son knows about me has been twisted around and used to emotionally bash me with. So at this point I don't give him any more ammo, I don't even let him know how hurtful his nasty emails are. But with his father on the other hand; the man tells him every time he stubs his big toe, cries poverty at the drop of a hat (very untrue), makes out like his job is the hardest thing ever and he's very put upon. If someone his father knows has something serious they are dealing with his father will relay it to my son in a way that makes it seem his father is suffering, when in fact all it really involved was a phone call where his father found out about the situation and was doing nothing to help. My son has compassion for his father. For example in the last half way normal conversation my son had with me the told me his father "has a lot on his plate". A statement I've heard often from his father over the years when he was deflecting from spending time with his son or being a responsible parent. I get it that his father is more like a distant relative and hasn't done any of the heavy lifting as a parent so their relationship would be an easier one. But his father has always come down quick and hard on him whenever he was displeased with him. Also he learned the lethal verbal character assignation moves from his father who uses them when he's having trouble with his mental stability and has used them on him. I know my son also has compassion for other people too, but my thoughts are about his closest relationships, because people are often different with those they are closest to. So what am I missing? And I wonder if there will ever be a time when this will be turned around. This me being seen as a "thing" to used by him. A "thing" that deserves to be knocked around verbally to take his frustrations out on when he not getting what he wants from me. It's a very hurtful and uncomfortable situation for me, something I know I have to let go of, because I can't control it but it makes the world seem more unfair than I can accept or tolerate. [/QUOTE]
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