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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 749539" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I'll have to come back later but will start out now.Here you go again looking to point your finger at your own supposed mistake or culpability. Stop it please.</p><p>How is this wrong?</p><p>OK. This is where you have control. Don't tolerate any of this. If he is hurtful to you, it is your responsibility to stop it in the only way you can, which is to remove yourself from the situation or remove him.Why? I would tell him, <em>I will not read your emails any longer because they are hurtful.</em> And then block them. You see, the responsibility here is your own to protect yourself. Not his.</p><p>Look. His father has presented himself as half a loaf. Half the capacity. Half the love. Half assed. Your son does not feel as secure in the relationship as he does with you. He also may identify with his DAD. He also may be using his Dad to empower himself vis a vis you. It is not fair. But what does fair have to do with anything?</p><p></p><p>This is about you protecting yourself, feeling better about yourself, more control in your life and in yourself. Your son is not the center of your universe any longer. This is the change that has to happen, in my view.Yes there will be. But you are the one who will turn it around by deciding to no longer define yourself and your life by how your son treats you and when you stop allowing him to hurt you how and whenever he chooses. This is what will change things. When you define your own life by your own criteria.Who cares what he does, as long as it does not touch you? Why are you letting this happen? This is on you. I am sorry to be so direct, maybe harsh. For years I let my son hurt me in this way, until I realized that the problem was mine. And when I saw it was my problem I saw I had control. Do you let other people hurt you whenever and however they want? Why should son be permitted to do so?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 749539, member: 18958"] I'll have to come back later but will start out now.Here you go again looking to point your finger at your own supposed mistake or culpability. Stop it please. How is this wrong? OK. This is where you have control. Don't tolerate any of this. If he is hurtful to you, it is your responsibility to stop it in the only way you can, which is to remove yourself from the situation or remove him.Why? I would tell him, [I]I will not read your emails any longer because they are hurtful.[/I] And then block them. You see, the responsibility here is your own to protect yourself. Not his. Look. His father has presented himself as half a loaf. Half the capacity. Half the love. Half assed. Your son does not feel as secure in the relationship as he does with you. He also may identify with his DAD. He also may be using his Dad to empower himself vis a vis you. It is not fair. But what does fair have to do with anything? This is about you protecting yourself, feeling better about yourself, more control in your life and in yourself. Your son is not the center of your universe any longer. This is the change that has to happen, in my view.Yes there will be. But you are the one who will turn it around by deciding to no longer define yourself and your life by how your son treats you and when you stop allowing him to hurt you how and whenever he chooses. This is what will change things. When you define your own life by your own criteria.Who cares what he does, as long as it does not touch you? Why are you letting this happen? This is on you. I am sorry to be so direct, maybe harsh. For years I let my son hurt me in this way, until I realized that the problem was mine. And when I saw it was my problem I saw I had control. Do you let other people hurt you whenever and however they want? Why should son be permitted to do so? [/QUOTE]
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