Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Update and massive sibling rivalry
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Roxona" data-source="post: 687865" data-attributes="member: 19076"><p>Sister, you have no idea. LOL! When I first met him, the boys had TVs, iPads and all sorts of electronics in their rooms that he had bought them when their mother died. He felt so awful for their loss of her and hoped buying them everything in the world would ease their pain...plus, it kept them busy and made good babysitters! Oiy! After her death, he completely lost his mind and couldn't handle parenting them for a good six months. His late wife's family and his older kids stepped in to help a lot and were still heavily involved when I entered the picture.</p><p></p><p>He was never very good at being a parent (his words), and he admits he made a lot of mistakes with his older kids. He wasn't even sure he wanted more kids, but his second wife really wanted them, so he agreed because he didn't think it was fair for her (there's that "fair" word again). However, with all that has happened in our Shakespearean story, he really does want to be a good father, and even though the way I handle things seems very strict and regimented to him, he is trying hard to follow my lead and be supportive because he has seen a lot of positive changes in his younger boys. Changes he says he didn't think were possible.</p><p></p><p>That said, the last three years have been a like a game of Risk. Lots of strategy, bargaining and a few big battles. His guilt, sadness...and depression derail him from time to time, but on a whole he is becoming more consistent and supportive as the days go by. Slowly over time the TVs were removed, as well as the iPads and other electronics. Always I had to prove why, and sometimes even why wasn't good enough to permeate the guilt, so I would leave it for another day. Before, the boys did nothing but play with their iPads and watch TV. Now they have structured homework and reading time, afterschool activities, play time outside, chores, family game nights, family meals, iPad time after dinner, and bedtime routines.</p><p></p><p>Speaking of bedtime routines, my husband absolutely loved the idea of staggering their bedtimes with SS6 going to bed at 8:00 pm with reading time with dad until 8:30 pm, and SS10 going to bed at 8:30 pm with reading time with dad until 9:00 pm. He explained the change with the boys separately. SS10 was thrilled by the idea, so my husband told him it was my idea to give me brownie points. SS6 was not so thrilled and felt it was very unfair, so my husband did not tell him it was my idea to keep the blame on himself. Oh, the psychology we have to use to keep the peace! The results were beyond fantastic! Both boys enjoyed reading with their father. SS6 fell asleep before it was even SS10's time to go to bed. SS10 tried to have one small issue, but was redirected back to bed, and we didn't hear from him again. There was no fighting, no screaming, no hitting, no tantrums, no chaos...and I thoroughly enjoyed it! I hope we have a repeat tonight!</p><p><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/choir.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":choir:" title="choir :choir:" data-shortname=":choir:" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Roxona, post: 687865, member: 19076"] Sister, you have no idea. LOL! When I first met him, the boys had TVs, iPads and all sorts of electronics in their rooms that he had bought them when their mother died. He felt so awful for their loss of her and hoped buying them everything in the world would ease their pain...plus, it kept them busy and made good babysitters! Oiy! After her death, he completely lost his mind and couldn't handle parenting them for a good six months. His late wife's family and his older kids stepped in to help a lot and were still heavily involved when I entered the picture. He was never very good at being a parent (his words), and he admits he made a lot of mistakes with his older kids. He wasn't even sure he wanted more kids, but his second wife really wanted them, so he agreed because he didn't think it was fair for her (there's that "fair" word again). However, with all that has happened in our Shakespearean story, he really does want to be a good father, and even though the way I handle things seems very strict and regimented to him, he is trying hard to follow my lead and be supportive because he has seen a lot of positive changes in his younger boys. Changes he says he didn't think were possible. That said, the last three years have been a like a game of Risk. Lots of strategy, bargaining and a few big battles. His guilt, sadness...and depression derail him from time to time, but on a whole he is becoming more consistent and supportive as the days go by. Slowly over time the TVs were removed, as well as the iPads and other electronics. Always I had to prove why, and sometimes even why wasn't good enough to permeate the guilt, so I would leave it for another day. Before, the boys did nothing but play with their iPads and watch TV. Now they have structured homework and reading time, afterschool activities, play time outside, chores, family game nights, family meals, iPad time after dinner, and bedtime routines. Speaking of bedtime routines, my husband absolutely loved the idea of staggering their bedtimes with SS6 going to bed at 8:00 pm with reading time with dad until 8:30 pm, and SS10 going to bed at 8:30 pm with reading time with dad until 9:00 pm. He explained the change with the boys separately. SS10 was thrilled by the idea, so my husband told him it was my idea to give me brownie points. SS6 was not so thrilled and felt it was very unfair, so my husband did not tell him it was my idea to keep the blame on himself. Oh, the psychology we have to use to keep the peace! The results were beyond fantastic! Both boys enjoyed reading with their father. SS6 fell asleep before it was even SS10's time to go to bed. SS10 tried to have one small issue, but was redirected back to bed, and we didn't hear from him again. There was no fighting, no screaming, no hitting, no tantrums, no chaos...and I thoroughly enjoyed it! I hope we have a repeat tonight! :choir: [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Update and massive sibling rivalry
Top