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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 703970" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Albatross. If you were on TV like Tony Robbins or that other guy, I would never miss a show. On your part, this was perfection. Like a Russian Gymnast on the balance beam. And then we learned she was on performance drugs.</p><p></p><p>We release that her adrenaline, her precisions, her self-control were powered from something outside of, apart from her essential strength, dedication and will, which already considerable are really inadequate to deal with what she asks of her body or mind.</p><p></p><p>And so it is with you, Albatross. You summon up a capacity to do the right thing for your child...which is not you. You have already learned that the essence of Albatross is to love and take responsibility for your child. This baseline essence never, ever leaves you, but you act in such a way that your child mature and thrive, in the way that you know he can. You do this because you have faith. Oh, Albatross, I admire you for your strength. True strength. And your faith.</p><p></p><p>There is a concept in psychology called ambivalence, that is used very similarly to it's conventional meaning. Ambi or two ways to feel, to see the same event or person. Our situations are fraught with ambivalence. We love them. Our impulse is to protect them. We want to show them. We want to bring them close.</p><p></p><p>But then there is their situations. Their entrenched patterns of behavior, to take into account. This dichotomy (two sets of facts or beliefs, that dreaded split, rears its head, again) and RE in her wisdom, tells us how to proceed, with self-love not self-condemnation: You see, I think I attack myself when I see myself being inconsistent. Here is an example of such: But the reality is I <em>may be</em> practicing <em>discernment</em>, of which I just got the definition on Wikipedia.</p><p></p><p><strong>Discernment</strong> is the ability to obtain sharp <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Perception" target="_blank"><u>perceptions</u></a> or to judge well (or the activity of so doing). In the case of <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Judgment" target="_blank"><u>judgment</u></a>, discernment can be <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychology" target="_blank"><u>psychological</u></a> or <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Morality" target="_blank"><u>moral</u></a> in nature. Within judgment, discernment involves going past the mere perception of something and making nuanced judgments about its properties or qualities. Considered as a <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Virtue" target="_blank"><u>virtue</u></a>, a discerning individual is considered to possess <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wisdom" target="_blank"><u>wisdom</u></a>, and be of good judgement; especially so with regard to subject matter often overlooked by others.</p><p></p><p>So there it is Albatross. This is a definition of YOU, Albatross. While it may feel to you like a rote and heartless script, (it is not.) Actually, as I am thinking about it, your response is actually prayer, as I understand prayer. You are accepting your powerlessness in a situation in which you care deeply, compellingly about the condition and indeed soul and life of a beloved. And when he calls to ask for this or that. For you to set yourself up as a false G-d in his life, you resist. And your response is to pray. To pray he accepts responsibility in his own life. To pray that he finds the way to be protected.</p><p></p><p>You are deeply tired, as we are, of finding ourselves walking in wildernesses with our young men, thus comes our frustration, anger and self-reproach. We pray to return. We pray that our sons return.</p><p></p><p>There is another way to look at our journeys. As the opportunity to practice faith. (Now, until my mother was dying, I considered myself to be an agnostic, maybe even atheist at some points of my life.) But all of this I have gone through has made me see that for myself, there is another way to be.</p><p>I will never, ever know what will happen, next. How I will reconcile the wanting I have that my son be safe and healthy and live, with the need to renounce the sense that I can control this anymore. Partly this is because I recognize that there are other things I want for my son, too. I know longer want that he be a child, a dependent. I want him to be a man. And a man has the legal and absolute right to decide for himself in most all circumstances. Up to and including to die.</p><p></p><p>So we discern, like RE. And we pray, like Albatross (who has demonstrated the enormously empowered capacity on the balance beam. Maybe her powers have come not from banned substances, but from faith and love.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 703970, member: 18958"] Albatross. If you were on TV like Tony Robbins or that other guy, I would never miss a show. On your part, this was perfection. Like a Russian Gymnast on the balance beam. And then we learned she was on performance drugs. We release that her adrenaline, her precisions, her self-control were powered from something outside of, apart from her essential strength, dedication and will, which already considerable are really inadequate to deal with what she asks of her body or mind. And so it is with you, Albatross. You summon up a capacity to do the right thing for your child...which is not you. You have already learned that the essence of Albatross is to love and take responsibility for your child. This baseline essence never, ever leaves you, but you act in such a way that your child mature and thrive, in the way that you know he can. You do this because you have faith. Oh, Albatross, I admire you for your strength. True strength. And your faith. There is a concept in psychology called ambivalence, that is used very similarly to it's conventional meaning. Ambi or two ways to feel, to see the same event or person. Our situations are fraught with ambivalence. We love them. Our impulse is to protect them. We want to show them. We want to bring them close. But then there is their situations. Their entrenched patterns of behavior, to take into account. This dichotomy (two sets of facts or beliefs, that dreaded split, rears its head, again) and RE in her wisdom, tells us how to proceed, with self-love not self-condemnation: You see, I think I attack myself when I see myself being inconsistent. Here is an example of such: But the reality is I [I]may be[/I] practicing [I]discernment[/I], of which I just got the definition on Wikipedia. [B]Discernment[/B] is the ability to obtain sharp [URL='https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Perception'][U]perceptions[/U][/URL] or to judge well (or the activity of so doing). In the case of [URL='https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Judgment'][U]judgment[/U][/URL], discernment can be [URL='https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychology'][U]psychological[/U][/URL] or [URL='https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Morality'][U]moral[/U][/URL] in nature. Within judgment, discernment involves going past the mere perception of something and making nuanced judgments about its properties or qualities. Considered as a [URL='https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Virtue'][U]virtue[/U][/URL], a discerning individual is considered to possess [URL='https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wisdom'][U]wisdom[/U][/URL], and be of good judgement; especially so with regard to subject matter often overlooked by others. So there it is Albatross. This is a definition of YOU, Albatross. While it may feel to you like a rote and heartless script, (it is not.) Actually, as I am thinking about it, your response is actually prayer, as I understand prayer. You are accepting your powerlessness in a situation in which you care deeply, compellingly about the condition and indeed soul and life of a beloved. And when he calls to ask for this or that. For you to set yourself up as a false G-d in his life, you resist. And your response is to pray. To pray he accepts responsibility in his own life. To pray that he finds the way to be protected. You are deeply tired, as we are, of finding ourselves walking in wildernesses with our young men, thus comes our frustration, anger and self-reproach. We pray to return. We pray that our sons return. There is another way to look at our journeys. As the opportunity to practice faith. (Now, until my mother was dying, I considered myself to be an agnostic, maybe even atheist at some points of my life.) But all of this I have gone through has made me see that for myself, there is another way to be. I will never, ever know what will happen, next. How I will reconcile the wanting I have that my son be safe and healthy and live, with the need to renounce the sense that I can control this anymore. Partly this is because I recognize that there are other things I want for my son, too. I know longer want that he be a child, a dependent. I want him to be a man. And a man has the legal and absolute right to decide for himself in most all circumstances. Up to and including to die. So we discern, like RE. And we pray, like Albatross (who has demonstrated the enormously empowered capacity on the balance beam. Maybe her powers have come not from banned substances, but from faith and love. [/QUOTE]
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