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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 704141" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Jodi, it can, if you really want it to and are willing to work hard on yourself, as hard as we try to work on them with no results. It's not easy. They are our beloved. But asking them to change, when how they are is all they know, is also hard, even if it sounds pretty easy</p><p></p><p>If we want and expect t them to change, should we not do the same? Are our old ways working anyhow? For us or for them?</p><p></p><p>This is just my own experiences. I can sort of explain how I changed organically, from the inside out.</p><p></p><p>We adopted a six year old from an orphanage and loved him as much as all my kids, but he did not feel connected to us in a strong way. So he left and grieving the loss was like a death. With extreme and sound professional help I grieved, going through all stages, and, yes, got over it. He is still alive, of course, but has not been around for over ten years and although I will always hold him I. My heart, I don't think about him often and when I do it doesn't hurt.</p><p></p><p>I also have a difficult son and have also worked long and hard on dealing with him and all toxic people and also in reaching my higher self to see the world differently. I have become very patient and positive and love this life and my new attitude has had a positive affect on everyone in my orbit, especially myself but also my son.</p><p></p><p>We do all have the ability to see everything differently, to accept what is, and to find more helpful ways to handle life. I also find U no longer fret over others so much because I see everything from a higher more universal standpoint. I no longer think "why does this happen to me?" I think "the hard things are for learning. How can I learn?" I feel like life is a lesson for everyone.</p><p></p><p>I don't expect my own ways to resonate with you. I'm just trying to explain that we all have the ability to make our lives different and better no matter how old we are. Often a professional outsider gives fabulous insight and feedback that we can't see because we are too involved.</p><p></p><p>As we hope our adult children learn to think differently, since we are the mature adult we can show them that it is possible and that we are doing what we hope they will do. It can only help...and it's changing how we relate to them.</p><p></p><p>I know we can help ourselves because I did it and I'm not different or special. We can all alter our perspective to a healthy one</p><p></p><p>Jodi, just as the fate of your kids are in their hands, your fate and future is in your hands unless you give up on yourself. If you don't try. But if you give up, how do you expect your kids to not give up?</p><p></p><p>I hope you explore how to overcome your anxiety to the extent that you can and find YOUR answer to dealing with hard knocks. We are our own best teachers...sometime with the wisdom of others.</p><p></p><p>I hope you can do this, Jodi, because YES it can get better. It's up to us, not our kids. Nobody can make us peaceful or happy except us.</p><p></p><p>Hugs to you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 704141, member: 1550"] Jodi, it can, if you really want it to and are willing to work hard on yourself, as hard as we try to work on them with no results. It's not easy. They are our beloved. But asking them to change, when how they are is all they know, is also hard, even if it sounds pretty easy If we want and expect t them to change, should we not do the same? Are our old ways working anyhow? For us or for them? This is just my own experiences. I can sort of explain how I changed organically, from the inside out. We adopted a six year old from an orphanage and loved him as much as all my kids, but he did not feel connected to us in a strong way. So he left and grieving the loss was like a death. With extreme and sound professional help I grieved, going through all stages, and, yes, got over it. He is still alive, of course, but has not been around for over ten years and although I will always hold him I. My heart, I don't think about him often and when I do it doesn't hurt. I also have a difficult son and have also worked long and hard on dealing with him and all toxic people and also in reaching my higher self to see the world differently. I have become very patient and positive and love this life and my new attitude has had a positive affect on everyone in my orbit, especially myself but also my son. We do all have the ability to see everything differently, to accept what is, and to find more helpful ways to handle life. I also find U no longer fret over others so much because I see everything from a higher more universal standpoint. I no longer think "why does this happen to me?" I think "the hard things are for learning. How can I learn?" I feel like life is a lesson for everyone. I don't expect my own ways to resonate with you. I'm just trying to explain that we all have the ability to make our lives different and better no matter how old we are. Often a professional outsider gives fabulous insight and feedback that we can't see because we are too involved. As we hope our adult children learn to think differently, since we are the mature adult we can show them that it is possible and that we are doing what we hope they will do. It can only help...and it's changing how we relate to them. I know we can help ourselves because I did it and I'm not different or special. We can all alter our perspective to a healthy one Jodi, just as the fate of your kids are in their hands, your fate and future is in your hands unless you give up on yourself. If you don't try. But if you give up, how do you expect your kids to not give up? I hope you explore how to overcome your anxiety to the extent that you can and find YOUR answer to dealing with hard knocks. We are our own best teachers...sometime with the wisdom of others. I hope you can do this, Jodi, because YES it can get better. It's up to us, not our kids. Nobody can make us peaceful or happy except us. Hugs to you. [/QUOTE]
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