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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 705198" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>Hello, Everyone</p><p></p><p>I think I have two valid skillsets to add. The first is about how we think about letting go. Letting go implies that we are taking a step back. When my kids are in crisis to this day, I cannot just tell myself I am stepping back. But I can teach myself to let go...of outcome. I can teach myself that I have done everything I am willing to do. Then, my job is to let go of outcome. When my thoughts circle, I remind myself to let go, not of stress or worry over what is, but over outcome. It's a very small change in the way I think, but a crucial one. Letting go of outcome reminds me that I have responded with my best, and that the child will do what he does. It's a subtle, but lifrsaving difference in perspective.</p><p></p><p>The second skill we must teach ourselves is compassion for ourselves. No one could imagine the horror of a child on the streets. Yet, we expect ourselves to buck up to it, to be tough enough to practice our detachment skills and stop suffering. That's impossible. We do suffer. Self compassion feels wrong because we are consumed with finding the solution. If we can learn to hear our own suffering and coldly decide to comfort ourselves whether we feel we deserve our own deep compassion or not, things slowly change for us. We begin to see our own bravery. We acknowledge the depth of our feelings for our children and the fear we feel for them and for ourselves. </p><p></p><p>I care very much for each of you. I wish I could know how to help. It does get better. You will survive this time.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 705198, member: 17461"] Hello, Everyone I think I have two valid skillsets to add. The first is about how we think about letting go. Letting go implies that we are taking a step back. When my kids are in crisis to this day, I cannot just tell myself I am stepping back. But I can teach myself to let go...of outcome. I can teach myself that I have done everything I am willing to do. Then, my job is to let go of outcome. When my thoughts circle, I remind myself to let go, not of stress or worry over what is, but over outcome. It's a very small change in the way I think, but a crucial one. Letting go of outcome reminds me that I have responded with my best, and that the child will do what he does. It's a subtle, but lifrsaving difference in perspective. The second skill we must teach ourselves is compassion for ourselves. No one could imagine the horror of a child on the streets. Yet, we expect ourselves to buck up to it, to be tough enough to practice our detachment skills and stop suffering. That's impossible. We do suffer. Self compassion feels wrong because we are consumed with finding the solution. If we can learn to hear our own suffering and coldly decide to comfort ourselves whether we feel we deserve our own deep compassion or not, things slowly change for us. We begin to see our own bravery. We acknowledge the depth of our feelings for our children and the fear we feel for them and for ourselves. I care very much for each of you. I wish I could know how to help. It does get better. You will survive this time. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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