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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 705238" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>For me, enabling is doing for them in which they should be doing for themselves. For the most part it's black and white, BUT, there is always that gray area.</p><p>Of course our adult children should be doing for themselves and yet they don't. Just as we have jobs and pay our own bills so should they. I cannot even begin to comprehend what it's like to live the way my son lives, wondering, couch surfing, living in the woods, etc.... and yet this is his life. It's a life that HE has chosen for himself. I am far enough down this road with him that I have no problem telling him no if he asks for money, however, that does not mean that my heart doesn't break. I have been in this cycle with my son for so many years I know how it will go.</p><p>This year, I did send my son some money for Christmas. I have not done that for several years. I knew by doing this I could be opening the door for him to start "asking" again. I will still tell him no, that I'm not in a position to help him.</p><p></p><p>I've said it many times, each of us can only do what we are comfortable doing. While our journey's are very similar they are also very unique.</p><p>It also depends what "stage" we are at in our journey. As I said, I've been doing this for many years. My son will be 34 soon.</p><p></p><p>I think each time we "help" them we have that hope that "this time" they will turn it around.</p><p></p><p>So, we ride the merry-go-round, sometime jumping off to let the world settle and then we jump back on. As time goes on our rides become shorter and time off the merry-go-round grows longer.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 705238, member: 18516"] For me, enabling is doing for them in which they should be doing for themselves. For the most part it's black and white, BUT, there is always that gray area. Of course our adult children should be doing for themselves and yet they don't. Just as we have jobs and pay our own bills so should they. I cannot even begin to comprehend what it's like to live the way my son lives, wondering, couch surfing, living in the woods, etc.... and yet this is his life. It's a life that HE has chosen for himself. I am far enough down this road with him that I have no problem telling him no if he asks for money, however, that does not mean that my heart doesn't break. I have been in this cycle with my son for so many years I know how it will go. This year, I did send my son some money for Christmas. I have not done that for several years. I knew by doing this I could be opening the door for him to start "asking" again. I will still tell him no, that I'm not in a position to help him. I've said it many times, each of us can only do what we are comfortable doing. While our journey's are very similar they are also very unique. It also depends what "stage" we are at in our journey. As I said, I've been doing this for many years. My son will be 34 soon. I think each time we "help" them we have that hope that "this time" they will turn it around. So, we ride the merry-go-round, sometime jumping off to let the world settle and then we jump back on. As time goes on our rides become shorter and time off the merry-go-round grows longer. [/QUOTE]
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