update...been a few weeks....comp had viruses

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by bran155, Sep 10, 2008.

  1. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    Hello everyone, I hope all is well with all of you. It has been a few weeks since I have been here, my computer had 13 viruses. I was dying without it but now it's fixed thank God!!

    My daughter has been driving me nuts as usual. She has been slowly deteriorating, staying out all night, cursing at us regularly and she has been inconsistent with taking her medications. So life has been lots of fun around here lately!! It's only a matter of time until she goes into a full out rage. Can't wait for that!!! I am just so sick of living this way. When she first came home from the hospital a few weeks ago her younger brother could not get enough of her, now he hates her. He wont even go near her or speak to her. He only says mean things to her. I cannot blame him as she is a horror to live with and he witnesses her craziness everyday. She does try to connect with him and he relents 99% of the time. I can see the hurt in her face and it breaks my heart, but I can also understand where he is coming from. He is 7 and does not understand all of this. He just sees her treating all of the people he loves horribly. I try to explain to him that she has a boo boo in her brain and cannot help her behavior but that doesn't work. He is just too young to get it. I am looking into getting him therapy as well. I am so afraid that he will suffer in the long run because of her.

    We have a sw coming to the house weekly and she does not participate in the sessions at all. She is usually sleeping. We still have not found an appropriate school placement so she sleeps her days away and then stays out all night. I lock the door at midnight, if she isn't home then she is locked out. The other morning she came home at 6:30 and tried to climb in a few windows, she ended up ringing the doorbell when she couldn't get in. My poor sister, she lives downstairs and reaps the horrors of living with my difficult child just as much as I do. She rang her bell and woke her and my nephew up. She knew if she would have rung my bell I would have left her outside and ignored the doorbell. Our entire family suffers for her. We all are so sick and tired of dealing with this. We have spent year after year trying to help this kid who just does not want to be helped. It has all been such a waste of time and energy, we just don't have it in us anymore. Our lives are going to get a whole lot worse in 5 months when my daughter turns 18 and refuses to take medications at all or participate in any sort of treatment. I absolutely dread it. In my state I cannot put her out of my house until she is 21, however I also cannot force her to take medications, therapy or put her in the hospital. How much sense does that make??? She warns me everday about how much she will refuse when she turns 18, she has even told me she might quit school - GREAT!!! HELP!!!

    I am so glad to have my computer back, I have truly missed all of you. I have been thinking about you all and wondering what has been going on in your lives. Hoping to sign back on and read good news.

    Glad to be back. :)
  2. janebrain

    janebrain New Member

    you can make her life so miserable when she is 18 that she will want to leave on her own. You are only required to provide the bare minimum and you can have as many rules as you like--curfew, etc. According to NY law she can leave if she wants, you just can't kick her out--and even that isn't strictly true. You can kick her out but the state may come to you for child support if she seeks social services. It may be worth it to you to go that route--you would be providing for her financially but she would have to follow Dept. of Social Services rules in order to get their benefits.

    I would say do not allow her to hold you hostage. Let her go when she is 18--either make her miserable enough to leave on her own or kick her out, knowing she may seek services from the state and they will want you to pay for them. In our case, our dtr. gave up on the social services dept--they were going to require her to get a job and follow their rules and be drug tested. She didn't want any of that. CALL HER BLUFF!

  3. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    Thanks Jane, I am counting down the days until she leaves!!! I love her so, so, so much but I just can't take much more. Only parents like us could possibly understand this love/hate relationship we have with our wonderful children. She just drains the life out of me. My husband and I are trying our best to make her miserable. Wow, what a statement - hu? It's sad but true.

    Thanks for the support.