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Update -Can't take one more minute-long
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<blockquote data-quote="ma2sevn" data-source="post: 80146" data-attributes="member: 4056"><p>Oh my gosh Cheryl, I so remember being at a place of such utter FRUSTRATION!!! And I seemed to get tunnel vision and spiral into a dark place...I was so focused on my difficult child and her behavior, but she was in jr high and so she was at school, and you would think I had a break. But I was on the phone to every resource I could find to get relief in dealing with her. SHe has reactive attachment disorder (Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)) and dosent have a fuly formed conscience plus was crazy rebelling due to her whole life story and we had the nerve to adopt her and try to give her a wonderful life ( we were so delusional)anyway, one day I made some comment to a mentor and it got miscommunicated to her supervisor who called me and fussed at me about it. I was so fragile I took that so hard. I already felt attacked by my child then I was being attacked by outside help!!!! They all kept saying I could do things differently and that some of it was her age and blah blah blah. When the bus would come home...or I would start thinking about the bus coming I felt like some one poured acid down into my stomach...I got physically ill. Finially I got on Paxil and my life really changed so much for the better. It has been an answer to prayer for me. Now, a few years and several difficult child's later, I can see that some of it was how I reacted to her and I guess I could have done it differently. But when you are in up to your ears, man it feels like you are fighting for your life. AND, I hated that I didnt get to do all the mommy stuff I wanted to do. I felt like I wasnt teaching her or anything constructive. I felt like I adopted a kid but didnt get one. We have all these ideas about being a parent and when you dont even get to feel like you are somewhat successful, PLUS the fact that you dont get to enjoy your child...added to the exhaustion of taking care of a difficult child....then to have outsiders..in your case FAMILY..add to your crisis...well honey hang in there. I dont know how you are going to do it but you have to have a break. Let husband take difficult child to his family and leave you home for a few hrs. Let them all "visit" so all three of them can take care of difficult child wihout you in the picture and see if things go perectly smooth for them. In my area we have a regional center that my difficult child's are serviced through, and they provide respite money and we find a professional respite provider so we get reimbursed. I found a lady who really is equipped to handle my difficult child (this one is 8 and sometimes beats up teachers too, and we have to restrain at home at times)And maybe I am calloused but when I leave him with her I block him out of my mind for at least an hour or so and imagine myself distanced from him. I love him better if I am well, and well for me means I have to have those breaks. I just wanted you to know I feel for you and I wish I could help you somehow. Angela</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="ma2sevn, post: 80146, member: 4056"] Oh my gosh Cheryl, I so remember being at a place of such utter FRUSTRATION!!! And I seemed to get tunnel vision and spiral into a dark place...I was so focused on my difficult child and her behavior, but she was in jr high and so she was at school, and you would think I had a break. But I was on the phone to every resource I could find to get relief in dealing with her. SHe has reactive attachment disorder (Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)) and dosent have a fuly formed conscience plus was crazy rebelling due to her whole life story and we had the nerve to adopt her and try to give her a wonderful life ( we were so delusional)anyway, one day I made some comment to a mentor and it got miscommunicated to her supervisor who called me and fussed at me about it. I was so fragile I took that so hard. I already felt attacked by my child then I was being attacked by outside help!!!! They all kept saying I could do things differently and that some of it was her age and blah blah blah. When the bus would come home...or I would start thinking about the bus coming I felt like some one poured acid down into my stomach...I got physically ill. Finially I got on Paxil and my life really changed so much for the better. It has been an answer to prayer for me. Now, a few years and several difficult child's later, I can see that some of it was how I reacted to her and I guess I could have done it differently. But when you are in up to your ears, man it feels like you are fighting for your life. AND, I hated that I didnt get to do all the mommy stuff I wanted to do. I felt like I wasnt teaching her or anything constructive. I felt like I adopted a kid but didnt get one. We have all these ideas about being a parent and when you dont even get to feel like you are somewhat successful, PLUS the fact that you dont get to enjoy your child...added to the exhaustion of taking care of a difficult child....then to have outsiders..in your case FAMILY..add to your crisis...well honey hang in there. I dont know how you are going to do it but you have to have a break. Let husband take difficult child to his family and leave you home for a few hrs. Let them all "visit" so all three of them can take care of difficult child wihout you in the picture and see if things go perectly smooth for them. In my area we have a regional center that my difficult child's are serviced through, and they provide respite money and we find a professional respite provider so we get reimbursed. I found a lady who really is equipped to handle my difficult child (this one is 8 and sometimes beats up teachers too, and we have to restrain at home at times)And maybe I am calloused but when I leave him with her I block him out of my mind for at least an hour or so and imagine myself distanced from him. I love him better if I am well, and well for me means I have to have those breaks. I just wanted you to know I feel for you and I wish I could help you somehow. Angela [/QUOTE]
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