update (daughter is out of jail)

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by bran155, Nov 21, 2008.

  1. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    Hi all. I just wanted to let you all know what happened in court yesterday. The DA proved to be true to his word. He really does have my daughter's best interest at heart.

    As some of you may remember we tried several times to contact the DA to no avail. Well yesterday morning my husband, my sw and myself went into his office to request a meeting, of course he was not there. I was a nervous wreck as my husband had to leave by 12:30 to go on a job interview (you might remember, he lost his job), he got the job!!! Thank God. So we were in a bit of a time crunch. The DA wanted to meet with him because he was the "victim" of the crime and would not make any moves without his consent. So we talked with my daughter's lawyer (another new one, very nice and helpful) who made sure we got in to see the DA before 12:30. During the meeting his first statement was "What are we going to do with her, I want her out of jail". He was very empathetic. The end result is that my daughter comes home to live with strict rules put in place through the courts. She will be monitored by T.A.S.C, an organization that oversees the treatment for the mentally ill as an alternative to incarceration. We will be going back to court on a monthly basis for updates to the judge and DA. So she MUST take all prescribed medications, attend weekly therapy and follow any services that are already in place. She must meet with her sw's as well as her ICM. She is to follow a curfew, weeknights she is to be home by 9 and 10 on the weekends. She was to be taken straight from court to the hospital for evaluation. The DA made this very clear to my daughter as well as the judge. They told her if she did not comply she will be taken straight back to jail with a $10,000 bail. The DA said to her very loudly and clearly that she should be thanking her mom and step-dad for allowing her to come back home. He also said that everything that was being done in that court room was for her benefit so that she could have a better life. Afterwards I thanked the DA and he was so nice, he said he hopes it works. Once again we were blessed with a system that cares. We have been so lucky in that respect. We have always been met with empathy and kindness from any and all outside services. My daughter doesn't know how lucky she is. I have heard so many horror stories of people being treated horribly. So after court we went straight to the hospital. She was not happy, got a little angry, minimal cursing, a lot of tears and much resistance. She was interviewed and sent home with prescriptions. I was hoping for an impatient stay but I feel with T.A.S.K in place we should be okay. After all if she doesn't take her medications or comply with any of her services she will go back to jail. And I made it very clear to her what we expect and that I WILL absolutely report it to the courts if she is late on her curfew or if she messes up in any way.

    So, I didn't get my wish for her to live elsewhere but we do have a lot of support and with everything court mandated I feel much more in control of this situation. The ball is in her court now, she can either follow her treatment plan or go back to jail. Which she has made it very clear to us that she hates, she keeps on telling us that she will never go back there. We will see.

    She had the nerve to ask me to put money on the account for her "girlfriend" in jail to call my house collect!!!! I of course said NO WAY!!!! Her narccissistic (spelling?) ways never cease to amaze me!!!

    Well thanks again my friends for being my shoulder. Your support really does make this journey a bit easier. God bless. :)
  2. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    That's the frightening part in all this- but I know you've done all you can and you are trying to keep fighting for her. I hope this works and that she will make every effort to do what she should.

    Hang in there- you've been through so much already...
  3. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Bran -

    I am just simply BLOWN AWAY at the treatment you received. I certainly kept your family and my daughter in my prayers. Maybe the power of the board helped again. I sure hope they help when Dude goes to court to face 30 years. I get sick when I think about it.

    I think someone would be getting baked goods or something - for a long time in that DA's office. I'm glad the solicitor was willing to deal. And like you said the ball is in her court - doesn't it almost allow you to breathe? I swear until I talked to Dude's PD it was like THIS IS THE WORST POSSIBLE, there is no other case - they are going to bury him. And after talking to her it's like - OKay, she sees us, she's on it....I can breathe.

    I'm really very happy for your support and.....HUGELY cutting flips that your husband got the job - OMG what a great day for you - I would have spent most of it completely prostrate to the ground in thanks.....ugh.

    Happy to "hear" you back to yourself again.

  4. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I am delighted for your family. You were indeed blessed to get a caring
    DA willing to work with mental health experts for the benefit of society as well as your family. Fingers crossed that she is able to understand and accept the opportunity.

    Do keep other families in your thoughts and prayers. Most who deal with
    "the system" do NOT have compassionate authority figures who take time to "see" and "hear" the individual issues involved. Congrats! DDD
  5. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member


    I'm so glad you are getting help. We too found our court system to be very easy to work with and they really did have our difficult child's best intersts at heart. I think that with the support and services you have in place life can be a little easier for you. We found that it is not a miracle and even with the threat of having to go back to detention she still pushed the envelope. But hopefully you can prevent that from getting out of control with her reporting back to court monthly. The more controls you can keep on her the better chance she has of maturing out of some of her destructive ways.

    Good luck,
  6. Jena

    Jena New Member


    after reading your post i have to say i couldn't of hoped for a better outcome for all of you. I think it's great that the court will be monitoring her, i think it's great she's being sent straight for an evaluation. from jail, i think it's great that there will be strict rules in place which if she doesn't obide by it won't be left on solely on your shoulders of tryiing to handle and contain her yet the court will place her back in and with a huge bail amt to boot.

    I am very pleased with this as i'm sure you are and sound to be. I truly hope this makes the difference. You have hung tough and stayed strong. I hopeyou and husband surviving this together only makes your union stronger in time. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger :)

    I'm really happy for you with this. I think they were great, The da, the judge so on target with the entire thing.

    it's nice to hear that the system actually can work!!!
  7. house of cards

    house of cards New Member

    I'm glad she is home with the supports you have, hope she stays in line and stops directing her anger at you.
  8. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member


    First off, congratulations to your husband on getting the job! That's a huge burden lifted off your shoulders, one that you didn't need right around the holidays.

    Second, I'm so happy that you were able to find kind and sympathetic people in the system who were willing to listen to you and work with you. It is rare, and you've been blessed. I do hope that being in jail was a turning point for your difficult child and that she toes the line.

    Gauging by her reactions thus far, I don't think it has sunk in for her how lucky she is.

    Saying prayers of thanks that you've had a good result, and prayers of hope that your difficult child behaves herself.

  9. janebrain

    janebrain New Member

    Hi Bran,
    so glad things went well in court. Sounds like you are being very firm and will follow through with letting the Court know if she is not following the rules. It must be such a relief to be getting back up! Congrats on husband's job as well. You were due for some good things to happen!

    I found the Courts very helpful here in central NY as well--caring people who really did have difficult child's best interests at heart and who understood she needed mental health services.

    Hope the weekend goes well and stay strong and tough!

  10. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I'm glad that they took care of your concerns. I know it's not exactly what you had hoped for, but it sounds workable. Hopefully the medications and therapy will help her to make some more sensible decisions.
  11. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Congrats to husband on his new job!

    So glad you have some supports in place to help you deal with your daughter. Fingers crossed that she does come to realize how lucky she was, and she makes a major improvement in her behaviors. Hugs to you.