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Update - don't even know what to say anymore....haven't been here in several years....
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 725610" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Hi Judi! Merry Christmas!! Glad things worked out with your grandchildren's mother so that you can see them. That is important to the kids and to you. I don't know what we would do without my parents! They are a true blessing to my kids' lives. That unconditional love is just so special and something a parent cannot provide. They also give parents a break when the parents are about to strangle the kids over some problem, which is good for everyone!!! </p><p></p><p>I am sorry your son had to spend this time in prison, but hopefully he will mature while there. Or at least learn something positive. If I could suggest something? My stepmother in law spent her second career traveling the US and the rest of the world setting up programs in prisons to help the prisoners learn how their choices impacted their lives in and out of prisons. They worked with hard core lifers and made astonishing changes. We used some of the techniques and ideas with Wiz when he was young because they were such basic and foundational ideas that everyone should have but some people have a really hard time grasping. </p><p></p><p>Pick up a copy of Choice Therapy by Dr William Glasser and see what you think. She worked directly with Dr. Glasser for a number of years and was trained by him. The therapy emphasizes the fact that what you choose dictates what you get. If you choose to have chocolate ice cream, you cannot be upset that you did not get orange sherbet but the person next to you did. If you chose not to study for the test, you also chose not to get a good grade on the test. If Johnny chose to study, he chose to get a better grade. </p><p></p><p>To many people this is very basic stuff, but to many of our difficult children, this is actually rocket science. They truly do not understand it. In their minds, if Mom gives them one thing but gives another child a different thing, Mom is making the choice. The fact that the difficult child refused to do any chores and the other child did their own chores and the other child's chores, well, that doesn't mean anything at all. The fact that chores were assigned so that the children could earn the treat, well, that has nothing to do with anything. I am sure you remember those days. I have MANY horrible memories of those days. </p><p></p><p>It is just a suggestion. The book might be something he found helpful, or not. Either way, it is lovely to see you again. Welcome Back!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 725610, member: 1233"] Hi Judi! Merry Christmas!! Glad things worked out with your grandchildren's mother so that you can see them. That is important to the kids and to you. I don't know what we would do without my parents! They are a true blessing to my kids' lives. That unconditional love is just so special and something a parent cannot provide. They also give parents a break when the parents are about to strangle the kids over some problem, which is good for everyone!!! I am sorry your son had to spend this time in prison, but hopefully he will mature while there. Or at least learn something positive. If I could suggest something? My stepmother in law spent her second career traveling the US and the rest of the world setting up programs in prisons to help the prisoners learn how their choices impacted their lives in and out of prisons. They worked with hard core lifers and made astonishing changes. We used some of the techniques and ideas with Wiz when he was young because they were such basic and foundational ideas that everyone should have but some people have a really hard time grasping. Pick up a copy of Choice Therapy by Dr William Glasser and see what you think. She worked directly with Dr. Glasser for a number of years and was trained by him. The therapy emphasizes the fact that what you choose dictates what you get. If you choose to have chocolate ice cream, you cannot be upset that you did not get orange sherbet but the person next to you did. If you chose not to study for the test, you also chose not to get a good grade on the test. If Johnny chose to study, he chose to get a better grade. To many people this is very basic stuff, but to many of our difficult children, this is actually rocket science. They truly do not understand it. In their minds, if Mom gives them one thing but gives another child a different thing, Mom is making the choice. The fact that the difficult child refused to do any chores and the other child did their own chores and the other child's chores, well, that doesn't mean anything at all. The fact that chores were assigned so that the children could earn the treat, well, that has nothing to do with anything. I am sure you remember those days. I have MANY horrible memories of those days. It is just a suggestion. The book might be something he found helpful, or not. Either way, it is lovely to see you again. Welcome Back! [/QUOTE]
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Update - don't even know what to say anymore....haven't been here in several years....
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